The Dance

It has been two hundred and fifty-five years since she decided to return to earth, yet, once again.  She entered this world with a list of lessons to be learned and fears to overcome. It is ironic, however, that as we return to this world to expand our Higher Self by overcoming our fears and shortcomings we forget them the older we get and begin to experience the challenges of life that give us the very opportunities to expand our consciousness and reverse our previous karma. 1

The truth for her was that as long as she could remember, she never felt like she belonged here. She was never grounded and often took flight from her body to play with her past playmates in the other side of the universe. As she traveled through the circles of blue to gold to the crimsom center that led to the other side of the universe, she finally felt safe as she past the angels that surrounded the outer gold entrance. Dancing with her angel friends was a beautiful and carefully choreographed event.  The vibration of the music and the pulsation of the spirit energy surrounding each entity and connecting each entity was breathtaking. The colors were beyond earthly description. Thoughts of motion were sent telepathically and each moved individually and as one.2

This playground was so much more fun than the playground on earth. Actions were conveyed by thought alone and whatever the imagination conjured up to play with was instantly displayed.  There was music and beautiful colors all around.  There was never any strife or miscommunication between friends.  Harmony and peace could be felt all around and through each being. Her favorite play area was the glass castle. The colors radiated through like sunlight dancing through a crystal hanging in a window and they could be seen and felt in every corner of the castle.  It was so much fun to chase the colors from room to room. As her hand reached out to touch the sparkling colors, her hand would slide through as though trying to catch a cloud. Each color had a different vibration and a different dance rhythm.  She and her angel friends could twirl and move as if by magic to the diffent rhythm of each color.  All this was created by a single thought.3

  On earth she had to speak to convey her thoughts and since she still retained some memory and knowledge of past lessons learned, she often used words far superior to her earthly playmates who had lost their enlightenment during the birth process and had only spurts of past memories and knowledge.  Their parents, of course, did not encourage these "imaginative stories" and fear had already began to form whenever these memories came.  She was sad to see the fear in her friends when their angels came to visit.  She knew that fear would remove all memories of their past lives and their angel guides.4

This fear created strife and disagreement on the playgrounds on earth.  There was no oneness felt on earth like on the other side.  She tried hard to connect with the thoughts of her earthly playmates but their imaginations were so limited and they could not see the playmates  from the other side who often came to play and the earthly playmates would not believe her when she told them the angels were there to play. There was no dance of togetherness, no oneness in rhythm and very rarely any earthly playmate interested in participating in the celestial dance of the universe.5

The life lessons she was to learn began early in her life.  The first and foremost lesson was to overcome fear.  The lesson came in the form of abuse both physical and sexual.  Her coping mechanism became disassociation and she stayed out of body even more.  The other lessons were to overcome the guilt brought about by the sexual abuse and the low self esteem and her feelings of worthlessness, and feeling that she would never be forgiven if the truth was known.  How could God forgive her for what she had done? Earthly teachings about God were all about judgment and punishment. The contradictons of these teachings and what her spirit knew to be true of God's unconditional love would be a source of fear and doubt for most of her life until she reached the path of enlightenment.  She blamed herself for the abuse as if she had caused the actions upon her body. Her burdens were her punishment and she would carry these loads in her backpack for many years before learning how to release these burdens.  6

She moved from city to city trying to make a fresh start and be a new person.  However, this never happened.  She always had her backpack with her and the burdens were heavy.  They were so heavy in fact that physical symptoms began at an early age.  The weight of her burdens caused her shoulders to ache and headaches and stress on her joints.  The joint stress caused inflammation and swelling and leg pain.  When her mother took her to the doctor, she was alway diagnosed with growing pains.  One time the weight of her burdens caused her body to react in compensation that she was diagnosed with possible rhuematic fever or rhuematoid arthritis.  She spent three weeks in bed during her freshman year in high school.7

As she grew, she learned to dance around her infirmities.  When she was in school, she often slept in a tub of warm water to stop the pain that kept her from sleeping.  As she grew older she danced her way through alcohol and pills to relieve the pain and lighten her load, or so she thought.  Yet, she hid the pain well along with her chosen methods of pain relief.  She was a perfectionist and would push herself beyond levels of endurance to excel.  She also used jokes to hide her pain.  Anyone looking from afar would think she had not a care in the world. She seemed to dance through life with a joke, a flash of white teeth as she smiled and always, always trying to redeem herself by helping others, no matter how tired or how much she hurt.   Little did they know that she was usually out of this world dancing with her angels. They thought she was just flighty or took on too much at the same time.  She always had too many irons in the fire. She had to redeem herself by overcompensating.8

Looking back as she grew older and began her path of enlightenment, she realized that she had produced most of her best work out of body and relied heavily on her third eye to guide her. Her fall would be hard and a long spiraling journey to the depths of Hell.  The intermittent pain and fatigue she had endured for years would become a permanent fixture in  her life.  She would loose all that she had accomplished to be Her Self and she could no longer dance on the earthly plane or with her angels.  9

She found herself alone and even though she had a family, helpless, hopeless, and useless.  Her depression was an endless pit of swirling blackness and despair. She had always had thoughts of suicide since she was a little girl. It was a comforting thought for her and she danced with suicide daily thinking of what method she was use, where she would carry out her deed, and when would be the best time to leave.  In her mind she knew she would not be missed.  She no longer had anything to contribute to her family except her insurance money.  She had always been the bread winner for her family so this would be the best possible act of love she could do for them. 10

She was eaten up with guilt for being too sick to work.  She couldn't even read and comprehend the words any more.  She could hardly make it to the bathroom on a good day.  She slept almost 24/7.  She had expressive aphasive and couldn't carry on a decent conversation.  She couldn't take her daughter shopping without sometimes forgetting how to get home.  She couldn't help her daughter learn to cook as her mother and aunts had taught her.  She was unable to spend any time with her son.  She was alseep when her husband went to work and alseep when he came home.  She no longer existed or had an identity in the world she had created for herself. It was time for her to go. Her exit would be her last waltz. 11

The thought of her last waltz with life was the last thing she remembers after swallowing all the pills and putting the fentenyl patches all around her heart and liver areas of her chest so they would absorb quicker.  She put on her white gown and kissed her sleeping husband goodby and climbed into bed.  She had long since been unable to write in long hand because of the pain.  She had written all her goodbyes in emails.  She prayed that everyone she loved would understand that her life here on earth was over.  She had no reason for being here.  She knew that she could love and guide her children and husband from the spirit world but there was an inkling of fear that this was a misguided belief just as she went to sleep.12

As she came into awareness, the constant beep, beep, beep was annoying.  There was something tightening around her upper arm and she was aware that it occured on regular intervals.  She was aware that something was in her bladder and she wanted it out; now.  Her thoughts are disjointed and the only real awareness she has is that she is not in the spirit world but that she had been there and she had wanted to stay.  13

Where am I?  Why are you pinching me? Pinch me again and I'll knock you through the wall.  Are there walls in Heaven?  All these thoughts raced through her mind and then the blackness would descend again.  She was dancing in the dark; but where?14

She floated from the darkness to misty levels of fog but could not get to a place of light.  She remembered the light would take her to the other side. She was definitely not on the other side. There were no colors in this existence and no music and she was aware of only herself and the fog except for the sudden and uwanted intrusions of the strangers and the irritating noises and physical sensations they brought when they came.   There was no memories of the earthly past and no awareness of the earthly future. She was only aware of the present for seconds at any one time.15

The awareness of the black vaccum she found herself in left her suspended in nothingness.  She felt herself hanging motionless with no movement as if she had invisible strings attached to her arms and legs holding her in space.  She could feel no vibration by which to move to dance.  She received no responses to her thoughts.  She was truly alone in this unknown place.  Is this Hell?  16

We are creatures of the want of belonging and acceptance to another and to a group of like minded individuals. In a perfect environment the choreography between each is a visual interaction of colors and distinctive vibratory designs created by each tone of the musical notes and the telepathic thought if pure love sent to another. This is the life we live between lives. It is a beautiful dance of colors beyond description, designs beyond comprehension and thoughts of such love, acceptance and support were beyond belief.     There is no judgement, a shower of pure love, and perfect and total forgiveness.  There is gentle guidance in being lead to evaluate your words, actions and deeds while you lived this lifetime. There is a matrix of energy that connects everything and connects each to another and you are wanted and accepted by All.17

She was not in this place of splender. She was nowhere and alone.18

 19

 20

 21