Hollywood, Fl-1
Investigators are trying to determine what led an unborn child to fatally shoot his twin with a .38 caliber revolver during an altercation in their shared Hollywood womb on Monday.2
According to police, the twin's mother Mary Congdon, 35, was awakened at 4 a.m. by the sensation of a scuffle in her uterus, which she dismissed as "routine kicking." Approximately 30 minutes later, Congdon heard and felt three pistol shots.3
A subsequent forensic ultrasound revealed that the unborn gunman-identified as a five-inch-tall male, caucasian of slight build with no eyes or hair, shot his brother twice in what eventually would have become his heart.4
After a tense four hour standoff, the unborn gunman threw out his weapon when police threatened to induce labor. Police spokesmen have denied that the use of tear gas or forced C-section was ever considered. Congdon was unharmed in the shooting, with the two bullets lodging themselves in the victim and the third passing harmlessly through the birth canal.5
The shooter has yet to emerge from the crime scene, but a court-appointed lawyer has said that the fetus will surrender himself peacefully upon his post partum sparation from Congdon sometime in early December.6
"This whole tragic chain of events is hard to comprehend," Hollywood mayor I.P. Daily said. "Where did we as a community fail these unborn boys?" Could their parents have done a better job of conceiving, carrying, and pre-natally educating them? And how did the fetus get access to firearms?"7
Police officials say the shooter used a revolver registered to his father, who may have left the firearm within reach of his wife's womb. No charges have been filed against the man at press time.8
According to Hollywood District Attorney I. Kutchacockoff, though the assailant is legally recognized as a fetus, he will be tried as an infant. Pretrial hearings begin next week, and ultrasound technicians will not be allowed in the courtroom.9
"This is hard to take," Kutchacockoff told reporters. "These kids were no more than babies."10
Offering the Congdon family "my deepest sympathy and support in this difficult time," President Bush said he is redoubling his efforts to pass tougher obstetric gun-control legislation.11
"Last year, I called upon Congress to require trigger locks on handguns and place metal detectors at the entrance of every womb,"Bush said at a White House press conference. "Such laws may well have saved the life of that unborn child. I now ask Congress to do the right thing and pass that legislation, as well as measure extending the waiting periods for firearms beyond nine months. We must keep handguns out of the unformed hands of our nations fetuses."12
The fetus, following the advice of his attorney, has offered no comment on the shooting.
Author notes
"Have a happy day!"
# 5 Humor
A contest entry
- For The Trophyless Only by Andy Stephenson.
175 points, ended October 24, 2007, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - ANYTHING AT ALL, LOSERS! by Springs.
360 points, ended October 17, 2007, 45 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Back into the swing of things! by yumesandman.
230 points, ended November 26, 2007, 6 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Your Choice. by asthray.heart.
220 points, ended November 22, 2007, 23 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
-
oh man... I'm giggling my ass off here. this is great. (:
-
Lol..this brightened my day. now what does that imply?
Pure genius.
I say the exposure to rap music blaring out of car stereos (which then vibrated into the wom
is to blame. Clearly.
-
-
no idea why that little dodad guy appeared in there. 'womb )' is what I intended.
-
-
I'm cracking up
This is great. You need to write more. If you have more, you need to post them.
Joe
-
You got one hell of a sense of humor girl! Best thing I've read in a long time!
-
The funniest thing since sliced bread. I loved that you brough Bush in, and the sarcasm, and everything! You know what this reminds me of? The Onion, the satirical magazine.
-
Lol, I liked it.
It reminded me of something either the Daily Show or the Cobert Report would do as a spoof. There are a couple of minor spelling errors, and some baby-development errors, but nothing that really takes away from the feel of it.
Very original piece, and I like how it reads like an actual news article. Great job!beginning: 5, language: 3, plot: 5, ending: 5, characters: 4.
-
-
I have this in word document and spell check and cannot find the spelling errors you are talking about. Do you mind pointing them out for me?
-
-
Um okay. I didn't read all of this, sorry but it lost me after the description of the unborn child.
Tnks n goodluck.
~Lady Madeline.
-
i dont know how to get rid of the little numbers at the end of the paragraphs...
i go to edit and they are not there
sorry. -
this is very well done satire. i love your writing style/sense of humor. very nicely done
-
I haven't laughed so much at a story in ages! Very funny - love the way it is written as well.
-
LMAO! BRILLIANT!
"And how did the fetus get access to firearms?"
hahahahaha!
"President Bush said he is redoubling his efforts to pass tougher obstetric gun-control legislation."
wonderful!
-
- excellent
-
-
Thanks Mary
-
-
Very Offbeat.
Well, this is certainly an odd story, but it is humorous. It is also well written. How did you come up with the idea for this story? Thanks for entering 'For The Trophyless Only.
Andy
-
-
i am a deputy sheriff and many expiriences i have had or think about i end up twisting around.
i hear the news presenting crime scenes and they always do it to the ends of drama and its so retarded.. so i thought i would spoof them along with everything else...
kids i see are getting younger and younger with guns... and i thought shit.. how young are they gonna get?
i arrested an 8 year old the other day with a glock 9mm.
it is the same with my vehicular assisted suicide. i watch these old people down here and well, just thought of it one day while i was sitting around watching traffic.
-
-
O.o Well...it was odd, extremely odd, but it was pretty funny. I certainly wouldn't have thought of it...wow...it was really funny though.
-
-
Thank you blackxxxlegacy
Means a lot to me that you made a comment
-
-
Oh my goodness, that was too funny! I was laughing and smiling the entire time. Not too many writing pieces that are labelled humour, can actually pull it off.
This piece was such an art of creativity and imagination! I have never seen something like this on storywrite as yet.
Bravo! -
-
thank you
I am brand new to story write and have no trophys here.
I have a couple at allpoetry though.
but i am thinking the trophys comment was meant for here?
again, thank you for reading whichcraft
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 21 of 21
