Our love was a bud blooming charmingly in the early morning sun.The petals radiated care and tenderness - promising a fruitful future of a loving pair and a beautiful home.This flower of love was the envy of the branches of friends.1
Then suddenly the wicked gardener's shears from an irresponsible past swung in and severed the finest stalk of bond I'd known.The flower somersaulted,the petals cringed - feeling assaulted as the descent continued.As the flower hit the ground,the petals irreconcilably separated.2
Now,this wilting petal wishes:if only I'd check my excesses while young!3
Author notes
Choice #5
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Dramatically written. Marvelous metaphors. You have an incredible talent.
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I love your use of imagery in this poem. The garden was such a great personification, and the cutting, or prunning causing the wilted flowers to waste away was extraordinary. BRAVO! Good luck in the contest!
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My first thought was wondering why the past should wreck the future BUT, hidden secrets can certainly leave a few pitfalls for the unwary. Tell 'em too much, don't tell 'em enough. Tough path to walk sometimes.
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WoW! This was very impressive story you've penned and you ended it with an interesting point. Great job! Good luck in the contest!
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What a way to go. Cut of in the prime of love by the gardener's not so gentle hand. I'm guessing the fall came early that year. Wonderfully descriptive for only a hundred words.
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This was a sweet write.Very descriptive and well written.I am impressed.Thank you so much for entering and best of luck.
Blessed be
~~Serenity~~
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hey sweetie,
long time no see, but I see that you have the lovely talent that I remember. beautiful metaphors and personification, and your English has greatly improved, darling! I have no idea how you could possibly think of such an awesome storyline in just 100 words; I can hardly comment on a piece using simply that!
anyways, I hope that we can talk again on yahoo soon; i miss you hon! I'll talk with you soon!
luve,
Hilary xoxo -
'WOW! You have major talent I am speechless. Great write, I saw the title and feel in love at first sight and HAD to read this, and I am so glad I did. Great imagery, and meaning, and I liked the points you were got to get across. Great job, and keep writing, wouldn’t want the world to collapse without your brilliant mind! Best of wishes and great great job!!!!!!!!!!
Don't worry, I overlooked the errors, though they're were a few I won't mention them because the story was so so great! I'm not good at editing anyways, hehe it could be perfect and I'm just stupid. Anyways, great story!!!!!!!!!!!!
~~~Hannah -
oh well....this is really good. what fabulous personification. good luck!!
~kat ...meow...
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