Lifes Tickery

It was a dark and stormy night. I stood under the flickering street lamp, staring into the darkness. A dark figure emerged from the depths of nothingness. I shuddered as a wisp of breath leaked from the figure. It started to rain even harder, the nickle sized drops, pounding against my skin. I blinked and suddenly the figure was two feet away. I could see him clearly now, dripping wet and smirking at me as I shivered. His chiseled jaw quivered as he chuckled. I gasped as his strong hands pulled me into an embrace. I looked up to see his crystal blue eyes sparkle. Even though his body was soaked he radiated warmth. I instantly stopped shivering. salty tears leaked from under my eye lids and cascaded down my cheeks.

"Daddy?" I whimpered. The only sound was a soft 'shh' that came from him. After two years of solitude I couldn't believe he was here. I didn't think he would ever come and find me after that terrible night. I shuddered as I was drawn into a flashback.

"Noooo," I heard myself scream as my mother flew against the wall. Her face was swollen and bruised, cuts covered her weak, pale skin. Then came my dad rushing towards her, blade at the ready. I watched, in horror, as the thin piece of steel, sank into her flesh. a thin red line appeared and my dad grabbed the skin and tore her flesh off with a sickening squelch. Her life's blood poured out and her mouth opened in a silent scream only I could hear. I pushed myself against the wall trying to be invisible as my dad turned his murderous glare on me. I screamed and slowly realized this was not part of the flashback but me screaming in the present time. It was now that I could feel the two sharp canines piercing the flesh of my neck. It was then that I realized how weak and fragile skin really was. I felt a warm sensation as my blood was being drained. I moaned as the sucking grew harder, it was almost an orgasmic feeling.

Finally, I could understand how my mother could grow to love a murderous vampire. But, I had more strength than her. I pulled myself out of my reverie and took my pocket knife and jammed it into my fathers neck. He laughed but then started to shriek. He had forgotten I was no ordinary victim, I was his daughter and was as strong as him.

I shoved him off me and kicked him in his chest, sending him flying. i tore a piece of fabric off my shirt and tied it around my bleeding neck quickly. I fell to the ground just in time to miss his flying daggers. I jumped up quickly and did a side punch to his head. He grabbed my wrist and twisted it. I gritted my teeth against the pain. I brought my leg up and kicked him in his arm breaking the grip. I quickly regained my balance and ducked his fist. I quickly grabbed my knife out of his neck and bring it down, ripping his flesh.

His unearthly voice screamed out. I whipped out my zipo and lit him on fire. He screamed even louder as the flames flickered against his body. I fell back and watched as he was engulfed in flames. The monster became ash. I began to swoon, the energy from anger leaving, I collapsed to the ground. Flashing lights flared about but quickly became darkness.

ch.2

I tried to moan, but gagged instead. I felt the tube in my throat. I was suddenly all to aware of the gentle sounds of the breathing machine, and the steady beeps of the machine tracking my heart rate. I opened my eyes and tried to look around, but everything was blurry. I lifted my arms to rub my eyes and saw the wires in my arms.

"She's awake." I heard a high pitched voice say. A flood of white hovered over me.

"Now this will be a little uncomfortable, but I need you to relax." I heard a deep, young voice mumble. I felt the tube being pulled out. Instantly I began to cough and gag. After what seemed like eternity, the tube was out. My throat was sore and my mouth was dry. I coughed and tried to speak but nothing came out but a hoarse gurgle.

"Here, drink this." I felt the cool water touch my chapped lips. I let the smooth liquid trickle down my throat, cooling the burning sensation. I drank hungrily. I blinked a few times and looked up at the doctor who had sat down at the edge of my bed. He looked to be about 24, too young to be a full on doctor. He had sandy, blonde hair that was too long for a doctor. It curled at the ends, around his ears.

ch.3

He had bright green eyes and a creamy tan complexion. I glanced out the plastic window and saw the cops. I quickly reached up and felt the gauze on my neck. The doctor grabbed my hands and held them away from my neck.

"I can't be here." I whispered hoarsely.

"Shh...don't worry about them." He said gesturing towards the window. "My name is Scott and I'm the only one you need to worry about. They won't talk to you until you're ready." I stared into his comforting eyes. I laid back and rolled my tongue over my newly sharp canines. Scott leaned over and took the tube out of my nose. I was overwhelmed by scents. I could smell all the fear and anxiety, the excitement, the anger, the relief, cheap cologne, and the strongest scents were coming from Scott. I could smell his patience and his nervousness. There was something else but I just couldn't figure out what it was. Then the smell of blood overwhelmed me.

"I can't be here," I whispered more to myself than to Scott. I quickly pulled out the wires in my arms, which caused me to wince in pain. Now I could smell Scott's fear.

"Calm down," He tried to restrain me. I jumped up and grabbed my bag of stuff. The cops were rushing in at this point. I jumped into the bathroom and locked the door. I took a deep breath and looked in the mirror afraid of what I would see. My reflection was almost not there. I could still make out my pale panicked stricken face. I shuddered and fell to the floor. Outside I heard the commotion. They were trying to break open the door.

I took a quivering breath, cursing my my father. I quickly got dressed in my damp, bloody outfit. The black t-shirt was torn and the blue jeans were a mess. I was sore and already tired. I looked up at the air vent and tore off the covering. I jumped up and quickly crawled through the small space.

Meanwhile, Scott and the cops had broken the door open. Immediately the cops spread out to search the building. Scott, who knew where the vent lead, left and ran to catch up with me. Finally, he reached the outside.

I could see light up ahead. I reached the end of the vent and kicked out the screen. I stopped as I was drawn back in to a a flash back.

"Daddy! No, why?" I screamed. I jumped up and evaded my fathers grasp. I was 16 and able to run to the little closet next to me. I shut the door and quickly kicked open the vent and slithered into my back yard and ran away. It was the middle of the day so I knew I wouldn't have to worry about him catching me.

A loud bang shook me out of my memories. I jumped out of the vent and onto the trash can. I lost my balance and tumbled down and off the trashcan. Instead of hitting the cold concrete I fell into Scott's arms.

ch4.

"Whoa, now don't go trying to fight. What's wrong?" I suddenly realized I was crying. I went to push myself out of his arms. Instead of him flying away he gripped me tighter. I gasped at his strength. He looked down at me. "You are strong."

"Who are you?" I whispered.

"I'm Scott, who are you?"

"I'm Kiana," I replied as I slipped out of his arms. He still held on to me tight. "I have to leave." He began leading me to the front of the building. I struggled to stop. "No, Scott, I have to go. I can't be around...."I stopped not wanting to let onto what I was.

"You'll be fine the police just want to know about what happened and who attacked you. Who did attack you?"

"My father," I replied without thinking.

"Uh huh," his grip tightened and I could smell his anger.

"But it's taken care of." I whispered. "I have to go." I pulled out of his grip. we were so close to the entrance. I could smell the blood and I could feel my canines pulling out. I felt an urge stronger than anything before. I could taste blood, trickling in my mouth from my cut gums. "I have to go." I broke into a run and ran back past the garbage can. I was running faster than I had ever done. I stopped around a corner and leaned against the wall. I had to be at least two miles from the hospital. I could still smell Scott on me.

I leaned down and clutched my sides. As I lent over I felt something poke my leg. I reached in my pocket and pulled out a card. i read the scribble and realized that it was Scott's address. I crumpled it up, having no intention of going there. I had managed for two years to live by myself I could do it again. I sat down on the e ground and kept my mouth open to keep my teeth from puncturing my lips. the urge to drink blood was stronger than ever. I could smell humans and the rancid smell of their sweat and other bodily odors. I heard a squeak and reached out and grabbed a rat. With only a slight hesitation I brought the filthy animal to my lips. I quickly brought my canines down and punctured the germ infested skin. I began to suck out the warm, bitter, metallic tasting, blood.

Once the rat was dry I threw it away. I spit out a few, oily hairs, and a flea. At the sight of the blood on my hands I turned over and vomited. I laid down and curled up. Suddenly, I wished I hadn't thrown the card away.

ch.5

I began to shiver as the rain pounded and a brisk wind blew. I couldn't believe what I had become.I looked up and saw a sharp piece of glass. I laid on my back staring at the sky. The rain drops fell from the sky and I felt a deep sadness. It was as if the night was weeping for me.

The crystaline glass shone brilliantly in the night. I put it against my finger and watched as blood droplets formed. I watched as the blood cleaned as the wound healed. I brought the blade to my wrist and gasped as it pierced my pale flesh. I pushed deeper until I could feel the artery pop and the warm blood rushed through my wrist and hand. I screamed as I felt the blood being forced back to the artery and the artery closing. I looked down at my wrist and watched as the skin closed up. I threw the glass away from me because it had betrayed me.

I curled up and tried to go to sleep. I couldn't, I just laid there waiting for daylight to come up and turn me to ash. Soon though I smelled the familiar sent that was Scott. The scent got stronger until I could feel it hovering over me. I refused to look up at Scott. I knew that I was a mess and that I was bloody, cut up, with rat blood dribbling down my chin. I also was well aware of the fact that I was laying next to a pile of vomit that was most likely in my hair.

I, using my will power, retracted my canines. I felt a warm towel cover me. I tensed, having all intentions of fleeing. Instead I found myself being hugged closely by Scott. He smelled so good and I so rancid. I opened my eyes and looked at him, he looked determined and I knew, that in my weakend condtion that I couldn't escape. He laid me in his car and with all my strength gone I fell into unconcousness.

When I awoke I was horribly confused. After a moment I rmembered the nights events. I looked around, what I assumed was Scott's house. The alarm clock next to me read one in the afternoon, but the house was completely dark. Black velvet curtains covered the windows blocking out all sunlight. I got up slowly and realized I was still in my clothes. I got up and shakiliy walked around until I found his bathroom. i tuned the water on as hot as I could bare.

I quickly undressed and got into the shower. I let the water slide all over my body rinsing off the grime. I closed my eyes and sigh as thoughts rush over me. All of a sudden my eyes snapped open and I realized that there was something was wrong. I ripped open the shower curtain. There wasn't a mirror.

ch.6

A shiver goes up my spine and I get back in the shower. After 30 minutes I get out and wrap myself in a towel. Dripping water all over the floor I look around for something to wear. I decide on a pair of blue plaid boxers and a white button up shirt, that is too large for me. I wrap my hair up in the towel and grab my clothes and throw them in the washer. I stand around at loss for what to do and finally decide on sitting down on the edge of the bed contemplating. Soon I find myself drifting into sleep.

All of a sudden I’m sitting up panting. It takes me a moment to regain my senses. My body is coated in a thin layer of perspiration and my hair , still damp, drapes about my body. I try to remember what gave me such a fright but all I can remember are red blurred images moving to fast to grasp and a pair of eyes that seem familiar. My body stiffens as I hear footsteps rushing towards me. Scott enters the room and I shift away from him as he sits down.

“Shhh....are you okay Kiana?”

“Yeah,” I realize how weak and pathetic I must look so I get up. “I’ll be leaving now.” I walk around trying to find my clothes. “Where are my clothes?” I snarl.

“I threw them out. I’ll pick something up for you after work.”

“No, that’s okay.” I slip on my tennis shoes and grab my bag of stuff. I started to leave but hesitate when I reach the door. I look back and Scott is still sitting on his bed, staring at me.

“You can go if you wish. It’s 10 p.m so you wont have to worry about anything.” I remove my hand from the handle and walk back to him.

“How? Or what do you know?” I ask. I hate feeling like I need him or someone but I can’t help it I can’t go back by myself, especially not now.

“I know you’ve no where to go. I know that you have secrets you wish not to share. Most importantly I know you’re scared and alone.” His hand takes mine and pulls me close and holds tight. His other hand comes up and wipes my tears away, that I hadn't even realized I was shedding. I take in a sharp, ragged breath. “Shh... I don’t expect anything but you can stay here and just relax.” His voice is so soothing and he smells so good, like cinnamon, I feel my resolve weakening. I didn’t notice he had one hand on my lower back until my legs start to shake and in one swift motion he had me laying on the bed. He then got up. “Rest, I’ll be in the shower. If you need anything fill free to get it.” I just nod as he walks away. My breath comes out in short gasps. I can feel my canines trying to elongate and the familiar urge for blood. I get up and go to the fridge in a false hope for something to drink or eat that might help saturate the horrible thirst that was coming over me. I gasped as I opened the door. There, sitting on the second cabinet, were containers of blood.

“He knows.” The complete shock of this unnerves me. Who would willingly let a vampire stay at their house? He must be a crazy fool. I think to myself. For now I put that thought behind me and take out a container of blood and chug it, gagging on the thick, sticky, metallic taste of it. Still feeling tired I sit down on the couch and turn on the t.v. I’m not really watching it, I’m listening intently for the sound of Scott’s footsteps. Soon my eyelids grow heavy and I wonder how I’ve grown to be so lethargic over night. I can feel myself being lifted and carried. I open my eyes. With each breath I can smell the shampoo and soap Scott had used. I stare up at him. I bring my hand up and gently outline his strong jaw. As I do this he looks down at me and smiles. I feel so childish, so I push myself out of his arms and find myself tripping over the bed. I shriek causing him to laugh as I grab onto him causing us both to tumble onto the bed.

“You know it’s not funny to laugh at the ill.” I pout. I’m pouting and flirting I can’t believe it.It feels so normal and human.

“My apologies, oh sick one.” He chuckles. After a moment we calm down and just lay there. I feel myself attempting to fall asleep. As my eyelids flutter closed images flash again. My eyes snap open. Scott is asleep next to me, his breath gentle and carefree. I sit up and his hand grabs mine. "Don’t go.” I nod even though his eyes are closed. I lay back down and rest my head on his chest. He wraps his arm around me. I shiver, my clothes are still damp and so’s my hair. Scott reaches down and pulls the comforter up on us. I’m instantly engulfed in warmth. Against my will I fall asleep and enter the fitful dreams. I can feel myself being restrained and soon realize Scott’s gripping me tight against him. My eyes fly open and look into his beautiful eyes. There are scratches on him and his lip’s busted.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper gesturing towards the marks. His grip loosens.

“It’s okay. Are you okay?” His voice has that calming effect on me.

“Yeah, bad dream.” He wipes my bottom lip and for the first time I taste the blood in my mouth. I’d bitten my tongue. He wipes the tears from my cheeks.

“It’s okay now. Shhh.. Don’t worry.” I can’t help but giggle. There is nothing but worry in his eyes. He smiles and lets out a breath he had been holding in. It smelled strangely sweet. Without thinking. I closed the 1 inch space between us and kiss him,. His lips are so soft and luscious, even where it’s busted. He kissed me back his hand on my head, fingers entwined in my hair. I rest my hand on his soft neck. I can feel his pulse, the gentle beating of his heart. I can feel the artery, full of blood. My canines tug at my gums. And I pull away gasping for breath.

ch.7

“I’m sorry.” I say feeling foolish.

“It’s okay.” He took his hand and played with my hair. He licked his lips, that I now realized has some blood on it. I use my thumb and wipe away the blood. He pulls me into him again and rest his chin on top of my head. I breathe in his scent and feel myself falling asleep again. Scott tenses and grips onto me as if knowing I was about to get up. I gently try and push away.

“I need to get up. I can’t just lay around all day. I need to walk around a bit.”

“Oh, you are free to do anything, you don’t have to ask for permission.” I nod and get up. I step out back and the brisk wind stings my bare skin. I realize then that it is snowing. I wrap my arms around myself. I stand out all night, the cold never getting to me. Around 6 a.m the sun started to come up. Even though it was just on the brink it was blinding. I could feel the extreme heat. I winced against the pain as smoke rose from my skin.

“Come on kiana you should come in.” Scott’s soft voice startled me. He gently lead me in by my shoulders.

“Yeah I suppose I should,” I turn around and wipe away my tears. This would be the last time I would see th sun light. Scott pulled me into a hug, expecting me to cry some more. I pulled away., I was done crying, done feeling sorry for myself.

“Kiana, you want something to eat or drink?” Scott asked. I looked at him in his pale splendor. His hair fell into his eyes and he shook it away, only to have it fall back. He was in a snug Hollister shirt and a pair of cargo pants. I shake my head and go to the bathroom. I take his brush and brush my hair, untangling it and giving it a shine. I take his toothbrush and brush my teeth. My gums are red and raw from the constant elongation of my fangs. I go back to his room and get a new shirt to wear, just a simple white t-shirt.

“Hey,” I say as Scott enters the room.

“Here, I thought you might like to wear something that fits.” He hands me a pair of jeans and a pair of blue satin panties. I smile my thanks and begin to undress. A blush rises on his cheeks and he turns away. The pants fit snugly giving me a form.

“Okay I’m dressed.” Scott turned around examining me. “What?”

“N..Nothing. You look nice.”

“Thanks, shouldn’t you be at work?”

“No, I took the day off. I told them I was sick. I mean we do need to get you your own clothes.” I could feel the color fade from my face.

“Maybe I should stay here, inside.” Scott shook his head and went to his dresser and grabbed a hoodie.

“Nonsense. Put this on.” I took it and put it on. It was way to big and quite warm. “Lets go.” He put on a hoodie and walked outside. I put the hood up quickly and put on the sunglasses I found in the hoodie. Scott put his arm around me and we walked from store to store. Around noon, the brightest part of the day, we got back to his house. I came in quickly and took off the hoodie.

“This was fun/” Scott laughed at my enthusiasm.

“I could tell. I’ve never seen anyone so ecstatic about shopping.”

“Well yeah, it’s been awhile since I’ve gotten new clothes. Though I don’t think I should’ve bought so much. I mean it was your money and I feel bad about that, but I promise I’ll pay you back some how. Also, what am I to do with it all once I....you know...”leave, the word I just couldn’t get past my throat. I looked away from Scott, his eyes filled with sadness.6

“Well you should go change. You know, you should model the clothes for me.”

“Okay,” I skipped to the bathroom and modeled them for him. I left the best for last.

“Wow, I didn’t realize we got this much!” Scott exclaimed.

“Yep, and there’s one more.” I backed away coyly. Once in the bathroom I slipped out of my current jeans and t-shirt combo. I slipped on a black lace thong and black skirt that went to my knees. I slipped on a black bra matching the thong and a satin black spaghetti strap, that had lace trim matching the skirt. I slipped into a pair of black stilettos. I stood up wobbling. I wasn’t used to heels. I took his brush and fixed my hair, that had started to frizz out. I pinched my cheeks attempting to give them color and failing miserably. The black my pale skin seem even whiter in contrast.

“Hey, you almost done in there?” Scott asked as he knocked on the door.

“Yeah just go sit back down on the bed.” I listened closely for his fading steps. I smiled and opened the door. Balancing myself on the wall I walked back to the bedroom.

“Wow,” a low whistle escaped his lips. “You are beautiful, beyond beautiful.”

“Really? You think it looks okay?”

“Yeah, okay isn’t even the word to describe it. Come here.” I wobbled over towards him, causing him to laugh.

“Don’t laugh. It’s not polite.”

“I’m sorry.” He took my hand and pulled me close to him. “Let’s dance.” He stood up quickly causing me to lose my balance. I fell into him and he let my weight push him to the bed. I laughed and so did he. I went to get up but he pulled me back on top of him. His lips slowly came up to meet mine. I felt his tender tongue separate my lips and I returned the kiss. His left hand was on my head, entwined in my hair, the other on my lower back. I kicked off my shoes and rolled onto the bed. Scott rolled on top of me, his cinnamon scent clouding my senses. His hand on my lower back moved to my thigh. His touch sent chills through me.

He started to kiss down my neck. I gasped as he nibbled on it. I gripped his head and added pressure. His hand slid between my thighs causing me to lose my breath. I pushed down on his head to hard and he punctured my skin. Flashes of that night with my dad flashed through my mind. I screamed and pushed Scott off of me. I fell to the floor gasping for breath, silent tears dripping down my cheeks. Little droplets of blood trickled down my neck.

“Oh my god! I’m so, so, so sorry Kiana. Please forgive me.” I looked up and saw his eyes wet with tears. I threw myself into his arms, crying until I was just dry sobbing. Constantly Scott’s voice was in my ears, apologizing and calming. Then I started to hiccup. “I’m so sorry.” I could feel his salty tears drip down my shoulder. I looked up at him and smiled.

“It’s...hic...okay...hic. It was...hic...my fault..hic..I shouldn’t...hic...have pushed...hic..so...hic..har...hic..d.” I wiped away his tears and he wiped mine away.

“No, I should have known better than to...”He caressed both sides of my neck. One side sporting to pink dots, from where my dad had gotten me, the other now sporting two ripe new spots where Scott had accidently got me.

“Don’t,” I whispered, “don’t blame yourself. It is not your fault.” I gripped his hand to my neck. He leaned down and kissed the top of my head. I rested my head on his chest. We sat there for awhile just rocking back and forth in our own little worlds.

“Come on. I’ve got an idea,” Scott stood up and helped me up. I looked at him puzzled.

“What? Where are we going?” Scott had thrown his hoodie on and had thrown me my new wool coat. I slipped it on and put on my stilettoes.

“It’s a surprise, come on.” He took my hand and led me outside.

ch.8

We were walking quickly when finally we stopped. We were at The Spit Bucket, a seedy little club that had great jazz music. Scott looked at me anxiously, awaiting my reaction.

“I love it. Can we go in?”

“Yep, come on.” We went inside and instantly the soft sound of jazz engulfed us. The place was so calming and smelled sweetly of incense. We took our seats in the back on a comfy leather sofa. I was mesmerized and not paying attention to Scott, who was ordering drinks.

“This place is amazing. How did you find it?”

“A guy told me about it. Here you go.” The waiter had given him our drinks. I looked at my cup and stared at the liquid inside. I couldn’t figure out what it was. Scott was starring at me as he sipped his drink. I brought my glass to my lips and took a sip. I choked and spit it back out. It was blood mixed with rum. I looked quickly to Scott who was looking at the people on the danse floor. I brought the glass up to my lips and drank some, without spitting it out. Scott looked back at me and I smiled at him. “Come, you owe me a danse.”

“That I do. Let’s dance.” I got up and took Scott by his hand. We went onto the little platform and began to dance. Around midnight we finally left. We ere walking back to Scott’s house when we heard sirens. Scott grabbed me and threw me into the small gap between two buildings. He came in and stood right in front of me. We were pressed together, our faces only inches apart. The cop passes by but Scott didn’t move.

‘Sorry.” Scott whispered. His sweet breath caressed my face.

“It’s okay. But why?” MY hands were entangled in Scott’s.

“I dunno. I guess I just freaked. I mean the cops were upset when you left. I mean their not looking for you or anything. But yeah...sorry.” The entire time all I could think about was his scent and the rapid beat of his heart.

“It’s okay.” He stood up a bit straighter and closed the space between us. I took a shuddering breath preparing myself for what was going to happen. Scott leaned down. His soft lips met mine. I kissed him back eagerly. He straightened up and walked out of the space.

“We should go now.”

“Yeah,” I took his hand and together we walked back to his house. “Well that was exciting,” I jest. Scott laughs.

“Yeah, I love that club. It’s so relaxing.”

“Yeah, I’m going to go change.”

“Yeah, me too.” I went into the bathroom and pulled on my new, purple, silk nighty. I ran into the bedroom where Scott was in nothing but his boxers. I stopped as he looked at me. A blush crept on to his face and I giggled. He smirked and ran up and grabbed me, twirling me around. He tossed me on the bed, which surprised me, because we were on the other side of the room. I sat up as he sat back down on the bed. He laid there starring at me. I looked at him, and took my hand and traced his jaw line. I continued down his strong neck, and around the outline of his pecs and abs. I stopped at his waist and rested my hand there. Scott took his hand and caressed my cheek and arm, skipping my neck. I sighed and leaned up and kissed him. He didn’t return the kiss and I pulled away looking at him quizzically.

“What?”

“We should go to sleep. You look tired.” I shook my head. It was undeniable, I was exhausted but I couldn’t sleep., If I slept then the dreams would be back and this happiness would end, but I couldn’t let him know.

“Okay,” we curled up under the covers and I waited until his breathing became slow and steady. I slipped out of bed and grabbed a blanket and went outside to sit down on the porch. Around 6:30 a.m. the sun started to rise. I went back inside and went to the fridge. Sighing I grabbed a thing of blood and drank it as fast as I could. I refrained from gagging. I didn’t think that I would ever get used to the thick, slimy, bitterness of blood. I went to the bathroom and showered. When I got out I slipped a towel around me and quietly went into the room. I grabbed a pair of jeans and a Blondie t-shirt.

“Where were you last night?” I jumped, startled at Scott’s voice.

“I’ve been here. What are you talking about?” He got up and stood in front of me. He gripped me by my shoulders.

“No you haven’t. You weren’t in the bed all night.”

“Well, I couldn’t sleep. I....I was outside.” I looked away from him.

“You can’t hide from dreams. You know what? Go to bed I’m going to stay home again and make sure you sleep.

“No! You must go to work. I promise....I promise I’ll sleep.” I sight resolutely.

“Fine, I’ll trust you on this. Please don’t make me regret it. I’ve got to go.” I nodded and watched as he got dressed quickly and stormed out. I sat down on the bed and let the tears I’d been holding in flow. I laid down on the bed and sobbed. Through pure exhaustion I fell asleep, and the dreams began.

Red, everything is red. There is screaming and blinding pain. I realize I’m in a room. Through the red haze I see stained glass windows. I scream as another round of pain shoots thru me. More flashes of images and I see those eyes, those familiar eyes. A shadow appears as those eyes come out from behind the stairs. Before I can see who it is a sharp piercing pain shoots thru my neck. I scream as I feel myself collapse to the ground. A harsh laugh shrieks thru the air. Then darkness, I feel myself convulse and then nothing.

My eyes open and I find myself drenched in sweat. My breath is labored and comes in short gasps. Sharp pains shoot throughout me and I scream. I fall off the bed hitting my head on the night stand. I’ve fallen into unconsciousness. I can feel the wound heal and this has me screaming again. I just lay where I’ve fallen. I’m still there when Scott get’s home at 9 p.m.

“Kiana!” Scott shouts. I try to answer but my tongue feels thick. I hear his footsteps but the scent of others. I smell blood, throw up, sweat, and as he rushes over to me, his fear. His fear overwhelms me and tears trickle from my eye lids. I feel him sit me up. “Kiana, talk to me.”

“I’, sorry.” I mumble. I open my eyes finally and look at him.

“Sorry? For what?” I look down at the blood on the floor.

“Oh don’t worry about that, it’s nothing. What happened?”

“I don’t know. I must’ve fallen off when I fell asleep.” Scott shakes his head as he helps me onto the bed.

“Uh hu. Bad dream?”

“To say the least. It’s why I didn’t want to sleep. I can’t stand it. I’m going for a walk.” I got up and started to walk away. I took a couple of steps and stopped. I had expected Scott to stop me. I looked back and saw him starring at me. “What?”

“What are you dreaming about?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Nothing? Nothing?! Nothing has you falling to the floor? Nothing, has you screaming and forcing you to not sleep? Kiana, the dreams are not nothing.”

“Yes they are. Okay Scott? Don’t worry about it. Just stop bugging me. I’ll be fine. I don’t need you.” Scott looked as if I had slapped him. “Wait...that’s not..”

“No, don’t.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean it that way. I just...”

“Look it’s like I don’t know you.”

“You don’t know me. That’s the thing. You’ve only known me for like three days.”

“Yeah, well if you didn’t build up this wall, then maybe we could ...you know...wait that didn’t come out right.”

“So that’s all you care about? I should have known.” I start to storm off but he grabs my wrist and wont let go. ‘Let me go.”

“You know that’s not what I meant. You know that I care about you. Why wont you just talk to me?”

“Oh don’t be such a hypocrite. I don’t know anything about you either. I don’t know where you got this strength or where you learned all that you know. Let go please.” His grip loosened but still remained firm.

“All you have to do is ask, but it’s as if you’re afraid your bubble of happiness is going to end.” He pulled me closer but I refused to let myself be dazzled by him. Tears were trying to escape but I fought them back. I started to try and pull out of his grip, when flash backs of that night with my dad came back. I brought my foot up to kick Scott. He grabbed my foot and threw me onto the bed.

“Stop please.” I sobbed. I was no longer in Scott’s room, but in a dark street, my father sucking out my blood.

“Kiana,” Scott yelled but all I heard was my dad’s devilish whisper. I felt a smack and I was back in Scott’s room. I was shaking uncontrollably and sobbing. Flashes of my mother’s bloody corpse flashed before my eyes. “Shhh...” I jumped up.

“Stop pretending like you care.” I began to run but Scott was in front of me.

“No, I do care. Not all people are as horrible as your father. We don’t all want to use and abuse you. Some of us actually care.”

“Yeah well you say it but how do I know you mean it?” I can feel my resolve weakening and I hate it. But I don’t want to leave there’s just one thing I must know. “How can you when you don’t even know me?” I whispered.

“Kiana, I love you. I don’t care if you’re a vampire. I love you.” I stood there shell shocked.

“How?” Scott shakes his head and pulls me closer to him. I can faintly smell his normal scent now. But I can still smell his fear but it’s not as strong. I pulled away shaking my head.

“Don’t leave. Let me get to know you and you, me. Please, I really do love you.”

“Stop saying that. Words mean nothing.” Scott grabbed me and pulled me into a kiss, that I stopped this time.

“Just clear your mine Kiana banish the evil thoughts and be in the moment. Don’t worry about the past or future, only the present.” His voice mumbled in my ear. The thought of that happiness, allowed me to kiss him. He kissed me back and we rushed into the bedroom, stripping on the way there. We fell onto the bed and Scott adjusted me so that I was under him. He slipped out of his boxers and he looped his thumbs around my panties and pulled them off. I laid under him, letting him examine me in all my glory.

His luscious lips caressed mine and moved down my cheek along my neck and collar bone. Images threatened to enter my mind but I pushed them back. He kissed along my ample breast and erect nipples. My back arched in pleasure. Scott put his hand on my lower back pushing me against him. My body screamed out for him but he denied me for a moment. He brought his lips back to mine and gripped my hand in his holding it tight as he entered me. His tongue stifled my moan and my hand gripped his as my other dug into his back. He slowly began to move his hips grinding against mine. He began to kiss my on my neck again. I threw my head back in ecstasy. He nibbled on my neck and his thrusting became faster and harder, pushing deeper into me.

I could smell the blood my nails had drawn. My hips met with each of his thrust. The harder he thrust the hard I gripped his back. His nibbles became harder until he had broken the skin on my collar bone. I whimpered a bit but clung to him anyways. Our movements increased until things seemed a blur. I felt his member expand and my body tensed. His juices exploded into me and my orgasm left me screaming.

We laid there panting, our bodies coated in sweat. His back had red whelps and little blood marks. The area above my collar bone was bleeding. He pulled out of me and rolled over. I curled up against him all of a sudden sleepy. He wrapped his arm around me. He kissed the top of my head. I looked up at him. His eyes were closed, he was falling asleep.

“I love you Scott. Please forgive me about earlier.”

“I love you too and there’s nothing to forgive.” I could feel how relaxed he was but I could still smell his fear. I was learning how to control myself and found myself tuning in to his separate emotions.

ch.9

There was something there I hadn’t noticed before. It was a feeling of overwhelming anger and sadness. I felt myself being pulled into his anger. I shook my head and sat there gasping. I wondered where this emotion came from him. I stared at him, he turned his head revealing his neck. For the first time I was able to see the faint out lines of two little bite marks. Then it dawned on me, his super strength and speed , the fact that he left in the morning and came back at night ,the blood in the fridge;

“You’re a vampire!”I jumped up out of the bed and stared at him. He was sitting up staring at me.

“Maybe, well yes, but it shouldn’t matter.”

“Doesn’t matter? Yes, it does you kept that from me and then you try and tell me you love me. You’re just as bad as an adolescent boy.” I’m storming around slipping on random clothes. I’ve put on a black spaghetti strap on backwards and I’ve fallen to the floor, because my pants are not only backwards but tangled. I’m sobbing uncontrollably, and feel so used. “I can’t believe I trusted you. Who knows what other secrets you’re keeping from me.” I feel my neck where he ad bitten me. “You’re no better than my father.” I straighten out the clothes and rush out side before he could stop me. I walk down a dark alley way and lean against the wall. The image of his hurt face came to me. I sighed. I should go back but I just couldn’t not yet. I laid against the wall silent tears pouring down my cheeks. I tensed up when I heard footsteps. They weren’t the light even footsteps of Scott They were heavy lumbering footsteps. I curled up against the trash can trying to appear invisible. I heard the drunken voice of the man. He stopped by the trash can and looked directly at me. With a rush I was standing, defiantly.

“My, my, what do we have here,” His rank odor infested my nose. With impossible speed he was standing front of me, pinning me against the wall. I could see his elongated canines and my heart skipped an imaginary beat. I shoved him off of me and began to run, full speed but he was in front of me in an instant.

“Get out of my way.” I growled.

“NO,” with that he charged at me. I went to kick up but he grabbed my foot and in a swift motion had my arm behind my back and my body against the wall. He dropped my foot and entangled his legs in mine. He leaned in close and liked my neck. I shuddered. The snow was pouring from the sky now dampening my hair. I tried to push away but with a slight twist to my wrist he had me screaming in agony. His free hand went up my shirt and I bit my lip trying no to cry from the pain in my wrist as the broken bones healed.

“Get off,” I hissed. I let my teeth come out and with a twist I was facing him, my knee going to his groin. His pale face blanched and he backed away. His face was set in a grimace from the pain. I walked towards him but stopped as I saw a shadow drop down on him. The man twisted around then burst into ash as a stake went through him. I retracted my canines and stood facing a pissed off Scott.

“Don’t, just don’t.” He walked off leaving me alone. I, like a silly school girl, chase after him.

“Scott wait!” I caught up to him and turned him to face me. I couldn’t read the emotion on his face, “Scott, I’m sorry I freaked out, Its just...why didn’t you tell me?” He looked down at me with his cold eyes, the look made me shudder.

“What were you intending to do to him?” The question took me by surprise.

“I...I don’t know.”

"You were gong to bite him. You were going to fight until you killed him.” I stood there staring at him, feeling that strong sense of anger and hatred. “You wouldn’t have been happy by just scaring him off, you would have killed him even if he a had a family waiting for him at home.” Tears were flowing freely down my cheeks.

“Y...yes if i...i..t would’ve kept him off m...me, and thee... oth..er g..girls he would’ve at...tacked.” I stammered. I looked up at Scotts’ pained expression and looked towards the ground. I couldn’t bare his pain. I started to walk away when Scott grabbed my hand. I turned around to look at him. He pulled me into him, gripping me tightly. I closed my eyes as he brought his cool lips to my throat. I gasped as his teeth punctured my neck. I gripped his head and tried to pull away but he wouldn’t let me.

ch.10

“Scott, stop, please!” I screamed but soon found myself feeling faint. My knees gave out but Scott held me up. Things became blurry and images began to flash in my mind. I felt Scott remove his teeth from my neck and hear a faint sorry. Then I was left to nothing but the images in my head. I soon realized they were Scott’s memories. I watched as he watched his father and mother get mangled by a vampire. I couldn’t see who the vampire was though. Then time was jumped until a boy of 19, Scott, was looking after some cows when something came from the sky. Things moved to fast and were to blurry. Then I was once again engulfed by the feeling of anger and hatred and mainly vengeance.

My eyes flew open and I roll on my side to vomit. A strong hand held my hair back. I vomited until I was dry heaving. Then darkness engulfed me. The images were back but different. This time they were my own scattered images. I was five crying over my puppy that had died. I was 12 being beaten for bringing a friend over. I was 15, lying in bed, my father leaning above me telling me things were going to be better as he stroked my neck. Now, I’m 16, I’ve just gotten home from a play at school and my parents are fighting, My dad turns to me, his canines glaring in the light he rushes to me but my mother is in front of him.

I watch as he throws her against the wall, beating her frail form. Then he turns on me, his glaring, amber eyes, focus on me. I try and run but he’s got me pinned against the wall. His weight is off me as my mother grabs him and they fight. Time stops as he brings a knife down in her. I curled up trying to be invisible. Then flashes and all I can see are my mothers eyes crying tears of blood.

“Kiana,” Scott’s worried voice sounds muffled in my ear. I open my eyes slowly, blinking quickly to get things in focus. I realize that at some point Scott had brought us back to his home. Scott’s wiping away my tears. He looked at his hand. I wiped my cheeks and saw the blood. “Kiana are you okay?”

“For having the blood sucked out of me, yeah, I think I’m good. How about you?” I wasn’t sure if I should tell him about the thins I had seen. His expression showed that he already knew.

“I’m fine. I’m sorry but it was necessary to let you see what you wanted to know.”

“I understand.” I sat up and grasped his hands in mine.

“What did y..you see?” He mumbled. I shook my head, trying to free myself of the thoughts.

“It’s not to balk about. I don’t want you to have to think about it.” I then quoted a line he had said to me, “Don’t worry about the past or the future, just the present.” I leaned up to him, his lips only centimeters away. He smirked and leaned down, closing the space between us. It was such a warm feeling to have his lips on mine. I brought my hand and cupped around his neck. He slipped his arm around my waist and laid me back down on the bed. The world began to spin a I grew light headed.. Scott sat up and looked down at me.

“We should sleep. You are weak from the loss of blood.” He stroked my neck, which was still sore. I brought my hand up and touched the two marks which ad scabbed over. I thought it would have healed by now. A tear escaped Scott’s eyelid. I wiped I was and leaned up and kissed him. I slipped my tongue into his mouth, parting his lips. He let his soft tongue massage mine. I pulled him down on top of me. His hand lifted up my shirt and I was reminded of the rank man in the alley way. I pulled back for am moment taking in a breath,

“Maybe we should just sleep, thought I don’t think I’ll be able to. “ He mumbled.

“Yeah, I’m afraid to fall asleep. I’m sorry for how I acted previously.” He rolled over to stare at me. I looked at him,. He was dirty from the alley and I was sure that I looked horrid. I sat up and grabbed his hand.

“Come on, lets go shower.”

ch.11

“What?” He sat up, a twinkle in his eye.

“Let’s go shower, we’re dirty so lets get cleaned.” We rushed to the bathroom laughing. I turned on the shower letting the water get uber hot. I looked at Scott and he was naked. I went up to him and kissed him. He helped me strip and we climbed into the sower. The water rinsed off all the dirt and bad memories. He explored my body with his lips. Kissing my breast and belly button and going to a place that left me gasping. He nibbled on my inner thigh causing me to laugh. He came back up and kissed me on my lips. It was my turn to explore his body. I kissed along his neck and nipples, down his abs, nibbling and sucking. I hesitated when I got to the nether regions unsure of what to do and not really wanting to do what I figure was expected. Scott bent down and took me by the waist and picked me up easily. I looked at him apologetically.

“It’s okay. I didn’t want you to do it anyways.” With that he kissed me. I wrapped my legs around him and he pushed against me. I let out a muffled moan. He moved back for just a moment and then plunged into me. I gasped in pleasure. He went and kissed the hollow part of my throat. I gripped onto his smooth wet back. He kept me pressed against the wall as he thrusted inside me. I moved with his movements, my head thrown back in ecstacy.

All around us the steamy water poured. Scott looked at me and I at him. I grabbed his head and pulled it towards mine. I kissed him feverently. His thrusting had increased in speed and pressure and I met with each thrust. Soon I felt the familiarness of him enlarging and me tensing. I released him and we both let out gasps as he came inside me. We rested there panting. He pulled out and let me slide back to the ground. He held me close and together we crawled into his bed after turning off the shower. We didn’t even bother to get dressed.

“I love you Kiana.” It was like deja vu. I curled up to him.

“I love you to Scott.” We fell asleep to exhausted to dream. I awoke to an empty bed. I started to freak out until I remembered he was at work. I got up, sore from the night before. I slipped into a robe, the silk cooling my skin. I curled up on the couch and started flipping through the channels. I heard some rustling outside and instantly tensed. My senses kicked into overload and I heard every creak and smelled every smell. I grabbed the hand coming towards me and with a yell threw the assassin over my shoulder. I brought my foot up and kicked the guy coming towards me. He flew back and tripped over the recliner. I jumped up on the coffee table and did a back flip to avoid the bullets being shot at me. I landed on the ground and grabbed the guy coming at me and in one fluid movement I grabbed his arm, broke it, kicked his feet out from under him and snapped his neck.

I turned around and received a punch in the jaw. I fell to the ground and rolled away from the attackers foot. I jumped up and kicked his shin spitting the bone. He fell to the ground screaming. I picked up his gun and shot him. I looked around as the rest of the assailants ran out of the house. I crumpled to my knees on the floor and looked around. The room was a disaster. The chair was overturned and broken glass littered the floor was a vase was broken. I look at the dead bodies of the two assassins. The blood from the guy I shot is dripping on the floor creating a puddle. I sighed and began cleaning up. I couldn’t hide the destruction from Scott but I could make it seem less bad. I grabbed a towel and come club soda and started cleaning up the blood. I dragged the bodies into the kitchen where it would be easier to clean up the bodily fluids that excreted onto the floor.

After I cleaned up the blood to the best of my ability, I started picking up the glass. Soon I was in a cleaning frenzy. I swept, mopped, dusted, and vacuumed the entire house. Meanwhile, I sat the bodies in the garage. I didn’t know what to do with them, I had never killed anyone hat didn’t turn to ash. Around 5:30 pm All the cleaning was done and I stood in the living room, looking around the dark house. I started to move around the furniture and even changed the linens on the bed, to try and add light into the room. I looked around and realized that it was impossible, and then I got an idea. I searched around the house until I found lighter curtains. I waited until 6:30 when the sun began to set. I pulled down the black curtains gasping as the last rays of sunlight touch me. I gritted my teeth and hung up the baby blue curtains all around the house.

I stood looking around the house, even though the sun had set the house seemed brighter, happier. I heard the door open and I looked around to see a pissed off Scott, His eyes were filled with a fiery rage. I opened my mouth to explain the newly cleaned house, when he cut me off.

“Why are there two dead men in the garage?” He threw down his keys and jacket onto the coffee table, causing it to crack.

“They snuck in and attacked me. I think they might have been assassins. I just fought them to stay alive. There were more but they ran off. I’m sorry for keeping the bodies but I didn’t know what to do with them and I’m sorry for rearranging the house and the destruction to the wall.” He looked behind him to see the holes in the wall. Then he looked around the house. HE sighed.

“Come on, lets dispose of the bodies. The place looks great but I’m afraid we’ll fry with those curtains.” He smiled his charming smile and I went to help him take the bodies out to a field and burn them. We walked back to the house and sat down on the porch in the back. I sat away from him worried that he would still be angry at me.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. The wind blew the loose strands of my hair in my eyes. Scott scooted over next to me and wrapped his arms around me. I leaned into him.

“Its ok. I just want to know who they were and what they wanted.”

“Yeah me too. I hope they don’t come back.”

“They probably wont. Not after the ass kicking you gave to the other guys.” I smiled and snuggled up closer to him. The wind was cold and blew through the clothes I had changged into and I shivered. “Come on its getting cold.”

“Yeah, so do you really think the curtains are a bad idea?” I asked as we got up and went inside.

“NO, I’ll call the window people and have them replace the windows with uv tented widows to block out the rays but let in the sun. I can see you miss it.”

“I do, but only a little. I was always a night person.” He gave me a sad, knowing smile. He knew I was only a night person because I was always running and hiding.

“Come on lets go to bed.”

“It’s only 9:00!”I exclaimed.

“You know you’re tired from all the cleaning and after keeping people from dying I’m tired too.”

“You know that I try not to sleep,” I murmured as I walked to the fridge and took out a container of blood and began drinking. Scott did the same, staring at me. He quickly finished and slammed the cup onto the counter next to me and walked away. I closed my eyes, which snapped back open as images flooded through my mind. I sat down my empty cut and washed out both our cups and put them up. I jumped as I heard the front door slam shut. I ran to it quickly and watched as Scott walked away. I sighed and went to take a shower.

I had removed the sheet from the mirror and I stood starring at it. I remembered how I used t look and conjured that image so that it was almost like I had a reflection. I undressed and hopped into the shower letting the water cascade down my body. I took a deep breath and noticed something that wasn’t Scott’s cinnamon scent or vanilla, like me. It was musky, like sweat. I could smell nervousness and caution. I slipped out of the shower and took my attacker by surprise as I broke his knee. I did a round about kick and the other guy flew into the mirror, shattering it. I took the guy coming at me and grabbed his arm. I twisted it behind his back. I turned and threw him at the next guy coming at me. The guys fell to the ground and rushed to get up as three more guys came into the room. I jumped up and grabbed one guys head between my legs and twisted as we fell to the ground. I caught myself with my hands but he fell and I heard the sickening crack as his neck broke.

The other four rushed at me and I jumped up. I slipped on the wet floor and hit my head on the toilet. There was a blinding flash and then darkness. I faintly felt myself being picked up and carried. I soon smelled something familiar as I came to. I smelled cinnamon.

“Scott!”

Epilogue

“Scott?” I whispered questioningly. I opened my eyes and looked around, blinking my eyes rapidly, to get rid of the bleariness. Once my eyes got used to the darkness I was able to realize that I was in a room surrounded by people. I also noticed that my hands, legs and chest were bound to a chair, in heavy steel chains. I could still smell Scott. Whoever these creeps were had just crossed the line. “SCOTT!” I yelled out.

“Yes, Scott do show yourself.” An evil voice filled the room. Scott waked out of the crowd. I looked up at him, confused. There was something different. He looked sinister and his emotions were completely differed. There was still one thing that remained the same and that was his cinnamon scent. He walked up next to me and stared down at me. His eyes were glowing red.

“Scott what’s going on?” Scott looked up in the direction of the evil voice.

“Go ahead Scott reveal your mission. Let her know what she has in store for her,” Scott nodded.

“Kiana,” Scott stopped and looked down at me. Something flickered in his eye but with a blink it was gone.

“Scott, just tell me or kill me. I don’t care anymore.” I whispered cooly. I stared at him, all emotion gone from my eyes. I felt like my old self, never caring about anything but myself.

“You try and act tough but you know that you’re weak. You always have been. But I guess we all are, after we encounter your father.” He reached out and smacked me. I could taste the blood as my lip busted.

“What does my father have to do with this!” I screamed.

“He’s the reason I am what I am. The reason we are all like this. Your father ruined all of our lives! Now he’s getting his pay back.” Scott reached out and slapped me again.

“How is killing me effecting my father? He’s dead and he’s the one who ruined my life. If anything killing me is giving him what he wants.” I yelled at him,. My eyes were clouding over with tears. I blinked them away.

“NO, we will get back at him any way possible, which means destroying his daughter.” he brought up his hand to smack me but I had, had enough. I let my fangs protrude and kicked the chair legs so hard they broke. The chair fell to the ground and I evaded Scott’s hand. There was a rush of people coming towards me. I rolled around the ground dodging Scott. The back of the chair broke off and I stood up. My arms were still chained to the splintered arms of the chair. I brought my arm up to block Scotts. The wood shattered and my arm was free. Everyone stopped and the fight was between me and Scott.

I brought my left arm and smacked Scott. The wood on that arm shattered. Streaks of blood dripped from Scotts cheek. He went to kick me and I grabbed his leg. He brought up his other leg and kicked my arm, I felt the bone break. I screamed and fell down as he did. The bone healed and I jumped up. Scott was already up and he kicked me on the side of the head. I was dazed gor a moment but I kicked him in the chest. He flew back and crashed to the floor. He jumped up and rushed at me. I did a flip over him. He turned back and shot me. I stood still gasping. I didn’t even realize he had a gun. My legs crumpled and I crashed into the floor. I looked up at him and coughed out blood. I looked at my chest where the bullet had penetrated.

I looked up at Scott, who was now standing above me. I could see the familiar look of love in his eyes. I screamed as my body started to push out the bullet.

“Finish her!” The evil voice yelled. I looked at Scott panting and screaming as my body began to heal itself. I felt someone walk next to me.

“Take this and finish your mission.” a gruff voice commanded Scott. I looked up to see him holding a stake. It was the biggest cliche and I wouldn’t die that way. I slowly got up, moaning as the bullet popped out of my chest. I stood panting, covered in blood, starring at Scott. He looked a me, his eyes were a swirl of emotion.

“I’m sorry,” and with that he rushed at me. I moved to the side so that he only got my arm. I screamed and started and started to fall. Scott caught me and made me stand up. I went to punch him but he grabbed my wrist and twisted. I screamed and fell to my knees. He jerked me back up and I looked into his eyes. Tears were streaming from his eyes.

“Come on fight me.” He begged as he kicked me. I flew into the wall and just slumped to the ground. Scott rushed at me with the stake. I rolled out of the way and ran towards the door that I had just noticed. I reached the door and opened it. The brisk winter air came in with the snow flurries. I ran outside and collapsed in the snow. I could hear footsteps and the evil voice laughing. I rolled over and looked up at Scott. He was still crying, but panting as well now.

“I’m sorry Scott.” I whispered. I knew I was about to die and I just gave up.

“I really did love you, it’s why I waited so long. I just...I just thought you should know.”

“I love you too.” With that he shoved the stake into me. I screamed as I felt my body disintegrate. I felt my soul being sucked out of the world and into the fiery pits of hell. As my corporeal image flew around it was soon being held by another. I looked up and what was holding me and realized it was Scott.

“Now we can be together forever.”

“Without the issue of sun, but with a side of horrid pain.”

“I love you Kiana I’ll protect you.”

“I love you too Scott. Forever and ever no matter what.”