136. There were 136 tiles on the ceiling in the living room of my house. I had lost count twice, interest once, and a mix of the two on various occasions. I glanced back up at the clock- 10:45. If he showed up right then and we took off, we'd have arrived just in time to be five minutes too late. 1
I picked up the phone and flipped through the caller id to see if I had missed a call, which was highly unlikely seeing as how the phone hadn't been more than 12 inches from me at any given time for the past four-and-a-half hours. So it really didn't surprise me that the last person that had called that night had been my parents to say they should be home around noon tomorrow. That was three hours ago. The remaining fifteen minutes crawled by before I finally got up and allowed the lingering thought to materialize: he wasn't coming. 2
I avoided the many mirrors we have scattered around the house until I reached the bathroom. I didn't want to see how wrinkled my dress was from sitting and laying on the couch in various positions or what effect that had on my hair. I didn't want to see how smeared my makeup was from tears and carelessness. I didn't want to see how a girl looked after getting stood up, yet still I allowed my eyes to meet those of my reflection. And it was in that moment that it all became okay. 3
My eye makeup had smeared and streaked a few centimeters down my eyes, I had that red, sad, just-cried look about me, and my lipstick and gloss had faded. My hair was frizzy and coming undone, and my dress looked like the surface of a disturbed lake, yet it was okay. 4
I washed my face and changed into a nightgown before turning off the radio I had been listening to (and not listening to) for the past five hours. I picked up the three magazines I had thumbed through and put away the deck of cards and yo-yo sitting on the coffee table. I threw away the last bites of food I had been too sad to eat and put the dishes in the sink. Then I went and climbed into bed and clicked off the lamp on my nightstand. I had been stood up. I had waited for five hours for a boy who wasn't coming. I had watched old re-runs of television shows I held no interest in, I had read the past three months' issues of my favorite magazine, I had eaten out of sadness, I had counted the ceiling tiles, I had play Solitaire four times, built three card towers, sorted the cards by number, then by suit. I had tried unsuccessfully to make the yo-yo come back up after I dropped it, and I had jumped every time the phone rang only to talk to two telemarketers, a wrong number, and my parents. But it was okay. I could wash my face and change clothes. I could clean up the front room and then go to bed. I still couldn't make the darn yo-yo come back up, but I could face my reflection and be strong. And that made it...okay.
Author notes
I've never been stood up, but I hope the inspiration in this piece can touch someone who has.
lolt
A contest entry
- Ancient Stories This Way by whichcraft.
140 points, ended December 29, 2007, 21 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Warrior Women by bird-mad girl.
850 points, ended February 20, 2008, 5 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Descriptions!!! Give me a story/poem with lots of Descriptions!!! by Forgotten Anomaly.
450 points, ended February 22, 2008, 27 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - "In the course of a lifetime, what does it matter?" by Andrew Timothy.
335 points, ended May 28, 2008, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Anything by Vampiric souls.
225 points, ended June 19, 2008, 42 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - An Awesome Contest! by HopelesslyInLove.
170 points, ended June 20, 2008, 24 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Emotional by moonwriter.
550 points, ended July 15, 2008, 27 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - A is for... ANYTHING!!! by XxXDreamWeaverXxX.
132 points, ended November 20, 2008, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Free write by kissedbyan angel.
120 points, ended December 15, 2008, 17 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Things I Look For In A Good Write by beezy92.
450 points, ended January 1, 55 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Anything Goes! by Rose Hathaway.
230 points, ended December 28, 2008, 17 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Time for the shorts by Silver Dancer.
150 points, ended January 17, 16 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Anti-Twilight && Joker Group Contest by bird-mad girl.
650 points, ended February 1, 12 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Most dramatic scene by Fiddlewilly.
100 points, ended February 22, 14 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Me? I'm just some dude... by CactusJack.
350 points, ended March 3, 6 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - ♥=Walk A Mile In Her Shoes=♥ by Dreams of Insanity.
650 points, ended July 7, 8 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Short Stories... by lesbian-in-love.
575 points, ended November 2, 35 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Shorter stuff (<500) by Vanilla King.
100 points, ends November 28, 24 entries
• next story in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Do I repeat myself too many times in this selection?
Comments
1 - 55 of 55
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This was a very interesting write. I enjoyed reading this. It was very nicely done. Thanks so much for entering and best of luck to you in the contest.
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Good writing here and despite it not being specifically about sexual violence, I can still feel that sense of hope in there. Absolutely loved it. Your writing skills blew me away. It was so detailed, and even without dialogue it was like the character was speaking to the reader. Great story here. =]
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Nice. You did a good job with keeping it interesting with only one character physically there, and no dialogue... That can be hard to do some times. I thought you wrote it really well, and I didn't notice much repitition. Best of wishes~
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You could do more with this. Your sentences tend to be a little too long, and generally just like lists. You need to break them up a little with something else, metaphors, emotion, something. I don't know, it just didn't feel quite right.
Also, You do repeat a couple of things unnecessary times. This reminds me a lot of how I used to write, but don't worry, you will definitely build on the talent you already have.
This was well done, just maybe needed a little more characterisation, emotion, all that. -
I know I've read and commented on this before, but this one's for Cactus Jack's contest.
I still really love this story! The detail of the evening is just...it's enumerative and conscientious, and it still makes great sense to me!
p1 we'd have arrived - we would arrive
p2 caller ID
p4 just-cried = awesome description!
p5 then I went and climbed - I think you can leave off "went and" in that sentence
Consider starting a new paragraph at "I had been stood up." and another with the following sentence, for more dramatic presentation.
Another new paragraph at "But it was okay." since you change thoughts right there also.
My story was Anasazi: Last Lament. -
wow.
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I've heard the tile concept a few times before, but it really played into what you were trying to paint here. It fit, and it served its purpose, depicting just how bored she was. Personally, I would've given up after the first hour. lol
I adore the message behind it all, and while it wasn't the most captivating piece, the word flow did keep my attention throughout and I wanted to finish it, which is a very good sign. It's sad, but it's also optimistic, and it's a shame that millions of people throw away common sense and the rising sun. The descriptions were well-written as well, and your structure was great. I wouldn't change anything. Thank you for posting.
(I entered Sycophancy of an Immortal into the contest)
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This is very good
Thank you. It's a little sad though.
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I know I've already read this story because you already entered it in another contest I hosted [so I won't leave an extra comment since you can already know how I feel about] however could you please read over the rules or else I will have to DQ your piece.
Thanks for entering. Again :] -
wow.....wow.....wow.,....awesome i have to say i got touched by this
good luck in my contest
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10/10! you did NOT repeat yourself too much. repetition is a writing skill unless its accidental, then it sounds weird. Even if you didn't mean to repeat, it sounds great. It was something of all emotions, in a way. I can tell you put a lot of thought into it. It's a great story for all occasions.
Great work, keep writing
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Thanks for entering, and you gave me good descriptions of what the room looked like. Great job, and good luck on the contest.
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wow
Wow is all I can say, thankyou for entering my contest and even though I myself have never been stood up I felt this girls heartbreak inside of me and if a writer can do that really connect with the reader they are brilliant!
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Wow! Curse that boy! Poor girl
This is a really good story.
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I've read this before! I think it was even in one of my contests once. (: Great write. Finalist list.
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Simple and Delicious... Like a sugar cookie...
I loved it. It was short and sweet. The tile counting was a brilliant "hook." The simple emotion of the main character was a beautiful touch of realism. This story is a perfect example of less being more. Thank You for the contest entry. And thank you for keeping it clean. Good luck in your writing endevors.
God Bless,
Yeshua -
omg holy crap this is really good you made it to the finalists thank you for entering in my contest
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Good story it's really good to read and does bring someone like that hope. Your writting style is very good. Thanks for entering the contest.
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wow! that was really good! i have never thought about that like the way you did! it was a great story that really pulled you in!
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Great!
How could this character get stood up?? She seems strong though. Very well-written, you described things clearly and I never lost interest.=) -
What a jerk for standing her up!
What I love about this story, is that she didn't let being stood up stop her, she could still stay strong.
I liked it! -
Wow, i liked this, I've never been stood up, but I can imagine how it feels, and I think you portrayed it wonderfully in a well written peice. Good job. Your repetition was perfect, it fit the story so well, I don't know if you were aiming for that, but it worked out nicely, great job. I could almost feel the emotions(I think i spelt that wrong, sorry.) in the peice, very good job, keep writing, and good luck in my contest =DD
-Dani -
The repetition you had was perfect; when one is waiting a long time, the same things are thought about over and over. When one is waiting for a date, those things are obsessed over. Tee-rust me.
I liked your use of "okay" several times too. It was like the protagonist is reassuring and affirming to herself repeatedly that she is going to be just fine in a while, and it's not the end of the world to get stood up.
The detail of the evening spent waiting was awesome! If you say you've never been stood up, I'll take your word for it, but it sure sounds like you've spent some time waiting around.
Very nicely written!
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From the 136 patrt I saw in the little excerpt thing storywrite does, I didn't think this would be good. But it is. I really liked it. Man. Getting stood up must suck. Never had that happen, but I like the emotion in this. Very good!
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This most certainly captures that Oh my God feeling of waiting and waiting and waiting and.. I do like your use of descriptive detail and found the opening particularly skilful in that it immediately intruges the reader and engages the interest - left me wondering what the relevance of the numbers actually was. Surely an opening that makes me want to read on has to be one of the best and I salute you for doing that! Well done on all your trophies, your work deserves it.
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I really like this story. You defiantly had me picturing everything to a T. Over all very well done.
Good Luck!
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Oh, goodness. "I had lost count twice, interest once, and a mix of the two on various occasions." <-- That line was insanely good. O.O xD. Anywho...
I really enjoyed reading this. I love your message about being stood up because I'm sure almost everyone has had a bad experience similar to that. The first few paragraphs were amazing. However, I feel like the last paragraph is a tad bit chunky and doesn't fit in with the rest of this piece. Over all, this is a great story, and you did an incredible job.
Thanks for entering my contest, and good luck!
-jj
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wow this is great.. I love your description you used in this and think that this is a great piece of work... I cried!!
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"I had lost count twice, interest once, and a mix of the two on various occasions."
I LOVE that line. LOVE it. Awesome way to start the story ^_^
wahhhh, that is saaad! X( It made me want to cry Nyah. I've never been stood up before, but I've been in situations kind of like it before, and... nyah >.< GOSH. I need to go read a happy story now to make myself feel better >.< 
And wait, repeat yourself? I didn't hear any repeating O.O
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I like the image of the yo-yo going down and not coming back up, but the girl still trying to bring it up. It's a good relation to the story, which I found to be very well done. I like its message and you've a great job on this.
Good luck and thanks for entering. -
For the contest background: Awesome story and great background. This is a awesomely depressing story. It's great, well done. One more thing, please IM or reply to this comment and tell me how, to you, the background is connected to the story. I ask everyone this.
Thank you -
Just a few spelling errors - mostly tense. Other than that, it's very well written. I think the last paragraph could be easily broken in half somewhere. It seems long.
It's... sort of uplifting, in a certain light. But it's still upsetting more than uplifting. Thanks for entering the contest -
Excellent descriptions of your character's surroundings that allowed a reader to immerse themselves in the world you created. I enjoyed the end - where you catalogue everything that she had done to pass the time, "but I could face my reflection and be strong. And that made it...okay." Good reflection of emotion through her ruffled appearance.
Thank you for your entry and good luck!
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That was a pretty good story. I like how it says that the dress was like a disturbed lake. Anyways, good job.
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Love it. Amazing from beginning to end. Finalist list definitely.
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Excellent
This was wonderful! I could so see it, and relate to it. I have never been stood up either, but I have experienced some of these feelings in different contexts. The beginning just grabbed me, and it was terrific. I could picture the whole thing, and really relate to the girl's feelings. This is the best story I have read tonight on Storywrite. You described her emotions so well and in a realistic fashion. I see why you won a gold. Congratulations on your trophies, and best of luck in the new contest! -
how do you do it?
honestly how do you do it?
every story i read that you write makes me feel like it is happening to me!!
its amazing!
its so real and sad...
tell me the boy's name and his address...
(is about to go Chuck Norris on someone)
Anyway, you are so amazing i'm struck dumb.
keep on writing!!
its your gift!!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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This is very descriptive, very good. You took a scene, that a lot of people know, and described it with so much clarity, that it seemed sereal. Wonderfully done, and good luck in the contest.
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I really liked how this piece began with the number of ceiling tiles. I think the first paragraph was my favorite. It had a great use of language and style. I also like the feel it had to it, aimless but with purpous... if that makes any sense at all.
thanks for entering.
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This is a great, kind of dark, kind of sad, slightly romantic piece. Lots of description. Great vocab. Love the character. Sorry this is a short comment.
Keep writing.
♥sarah
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It's okay about the length. I liked what you had to say. Short, sweet, and to the point!
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Were you really stood up?
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No, I wasn't stood up. I was just bored. And staring at my ceiling thinking about how I was once so bored that I counted the tiles on it. There weren't really 136, but I didn't feel like counting the darn things again. But that's what I came up with.
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Great job, Great job indeed. I liked this a lot, I'm glad Lauren didn't die LOL! hahaha but really Its a great piece and flowed well. thanks for a GREAT read =)
KEEP WRITING!
-Melli <3 -
I don't know if you meant to do this intentionally or not but your sentences sounded a little disoriented (in logical sense) and choppy, which really added to the emotion of the character...does that make sense? Like the character is not really in her normal state because she has been stood up and the way you wrote this conveyed the feeling? Haha, anyways.
This was pretty good, although I couldn't quite grasp the concept of reflection making everything okay. -
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Yes, the disorientation was intended. I guess the reflection thing depends on how you take it. Quite honestly, this story didn't start out as a girl being stood up. It started out as me being bored sitting on my couch one day while my parents were gone. It just kind of evolved from there. So I'm not surprised it doesn't really make sense!
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I like the detail in this story. Who hasn't been stood up? You take the feelings and details of a terrible night and let the reader relive it. Good job.
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You used lots of details to describe how you had been stood up.I think this is a good story and you used good wording.I really knew how you felt to be stood up.Great Job!!
beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 3, characters: 5.
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Hmmmm...
I like the repetition
I do!
I think this was a very piiece, though one thing:
What was the pont of this?
To show she was okay, even though stood up? To show women can be strong even if stood up??
Don't take this wrong, but in a way it seemed pointless.
But I love the way you wrote it.
You did a perfect job decribing in a great way, and the wording was awwesome.
Nice work!
Thank you so much for entering, and good luck!
xoxo
Tay
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I liked this story, even though I've never been stood up, I got a good feeling for what it's like.(I think...)
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If stuff was repeated, it's ok. It sort of made for effect. I liked this a lot. The whole thing was tremendous. Very nicely doen. Keep on writing. God Bless!
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I was once stood up. I felt so upset, OMG. It hurt as if my insides were ripped out! *sigh* Anyway... good work
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good
this is SO good. The description is spectacular, and the emotion is splendid too! Excellent work! -
I really liked this story! Many have had the experience of being stood up for a date ... waiting and watching. But I like how this narrator handled it with grace, realizing that her worth was not determined by the insensitive actions of another. We cannot control the actions of others ... but we can choose how we respond to them. Being able to face one's reflection ... and love what you see, regardless of what's going on in one's life ... is such a wise, wonderful thing!
Very interesting story and a great lesson for all to learn. Great job!
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This is what I like about this story: You have created a fully realized character in a short piece. The detail and description are wonderful and really bring the reader into the situation. The message of affirmation is really terrific, turning a negative event into an experience learning about one's own strength. Also, love the border.
What I don't like: ok, I really tried but can't think of anything. Maybe next time.
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