Kushikito was sitting in a small field, twirling a small white flower between her thumb and forefinger, singing a sad, light song to herself.
She paused for a second to reach a hand up to her neck to stroke the black silk ribbon tied upon it.
She sighed and suddenly wished Kakamate was there.
"You know, you won't live any longer if you don't do anything to stop Fumanta from stealing your life," A voice whispered in her ear.
Kushikito looked at saw Shibata staring at her with his blue eyes.
"So what? Not like anything will happen even if I do try and stop it. What's the point then?"
The wind blew slightly, making Shibata's golden hair rustle, and Kushikito's brown blow against the sides of her face.
Shibata smiled slightly and closed his eyes.
"Samenta would hurt you if she heard you say that."
Kushikito glared at him and looked back at her flower.
"I don't care what stupid Samenta would do. She's dead, and I'm happy."
"Are you really happy though? I mean when you die, leaving all this behind?" Shibata questioned.
Kushikito sighed and fell back on the soft grass.
"You already know the answer to the question Shibata, and why would you even bother asking?"
Shibata shrugged.
"Just a matter of interest as to your response."
Kushikito just grinned and started twisting the flower again.
-Flashback-
The blinding light, the immense pain, the maniacal laughter.
The ribbons on her wrists, ankles, and neck.
The Insanity.
-Flashback ended-
"Kushikito. Kushikito!!" Shibata called out to a stirring Kushikito.
"What just happened?" She asked.
"Well," Shibata began. "You suddenly passed out and starting tugging at the black ribbon on your neck."
Kushikito once again stroked the black silk tied to her neck.
She got up and hurriedly went to her hut.
"I'll see you in a bit Shibata!" She called back.
As soon as she got home she packed up everything she needed, crossbow and arrows, staff, and food.
Kushikito went outside and stroked a blue crystal.
Suddenly a light came out of it and she felt herself hurling through a vortex towards what she hoped wouldn't be the end of her life.
Author notes
I know it's short but it's a first little story starter.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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A lovely interest grabber, and the characters seem real, which is always a plus. The some of the paragraphs could be combined, but otherwise, great job!
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Some lovely mental images. Soft grass, light breeze, softly singing. Cool names, but when you suddenly mentioned about three unknown characters at once I got confused. Samenta, Shibata, Kakamate... *names fly over head*
But you caught my attention and held it. Shibata seems to be a very likeable character. "Just a matter of interest as to your response." Go Shibata!
Pretty title, too.
I agree with Coffee Cat in that the story seemed a bit choppy. Add some more details and some character history, and it'll be even better <3 -
It's great for a starter and I love new names.
The first few paragraphs were really not much more than sentences. Believe they could be combined to make a single paragraph.
What evil will descend if the black ribbor is removed or disturbed?
Try "flashback" without writing the word. Have her vision go to another scene; see a vision or something other than writing "flashback."
Certainly will be interesting to see what you do with this great idea.
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The story seemed a little choppy and some of the paragraphs you can combine, for instance, Kushikito once again stroked the black silk tied to her neck.
She got up and hurriedly went to her hut.
You can put that in one paragraph. Try adding some more details. Change some parts where you started the sentences with the same word.
I do like the names and the beginning.
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