you have one thing that you will give up your life,friends,family,and even yourself for her.you place her in the middle of your world thinking she'll be there forever...like your life source.everything is perfect until one day she disappears.you look and look for her but cant find her. your world starts to drowned in chaos and hate.you think nothing is important except for her...the one person you gave everything away to be with.the one person that cared to you the most.you asked yourself a question:is it good shes gone?or bad?it was good because you had time to do different things now...but bad because....you think there was nothing to live for.like god stole it from you...but with that there was the final question.do you want to live or be erased from the world....1
its for you to choose....2
Author notes
i think it waz good but i dont think the end is very good
lol
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Comments
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Great!
Listen up Blk magic woman...do you have nothing to do but criticise? who cares if it's not using the right words or the right puncuation? im sure when she wrote this she wasnt thinking about spaces or capitalization. You only saw the mistakes she made in writing this. you didnt see the emotion that is there or the feelings that she felt. she used the word erase...big deal. Erase didnt mean death to her it meant removed. You have no idea how she felt on this so why are criticising it? Maybe you should read a little harder next time and maybe you will see the hurt and emotion she put into this. And who cares about parenthesis? You totally over looked this peice. Next time, just try to understand the feeling more.
I thought this peice was great! I saw the emotion and I loved it. Great write! -
Well, you didn't properly space in between sentences nor capitalize the beginnings of sentences. The word drowned should be drown. "that cared to you the most" perhaps should be "that cared for you the most" or "that you cared for the most". When they ask themselves a question, the question should be in parenthesis so we know where it begins and ends. The question could be better phrased as well to something like this, "is it good or bad that she is gone?" "like god stole it from you..." stole what? A handbag or a shoe? Or perhaps God stole HER from you?
Honestly the final question isn't that good, not in phrasing or anything just...I don't know, not profound or anything. I'm assuming erased means to die, but death doesn't erase you from the world. Einstein is dead but he is by no means erased from the world. When my grandparents died, all four of them, they were not erased from the world. They were simply taken to a different realm, but they are never far from my heart or out of my mind for very long. Erasing creates visions of rubber rubbing out pencil markings which were a mistake in order to correct it and write a better document. It quite a negative word to use when giving a suicidal person a choice between life or death. Perhaps a better choice would be to live or succomb to the grief, or something like that. Why did you choose that word for death? Do you see death as being erased from existence? Hmmm, curious.
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