Chapter 1:
The midnight moonlight showed crisply against the pitch black London sky. Throwing rocks out onto the still water, Emmet sat in deep thought He didn't understand what was going on. His mind was racing after the recent events. His heart was racing down the winding path he took up to the lake, rivaling any modern day 911 turbo. He dropped down on the shore & burst into tears. He'd forgotten completely what it felt like. This pain, he blocked everything out without trouble, why couldn't he force this out. Why was he fixated on it so much? It happened nearly every night. Why this night was he thinking so much about the sight? He turned quickly, stunned to see dark lilac eyes staring into his own, plain brown ones. Anyone could quickly tell Emmet was German, his face, eyes, hair, all so simply German. He looked into the eyes, not moving his fixation for several moments, then dropping his shoulders & moving back to the lake. He shook his head. Get a hold of yourself, Emmet! You're still seeing him. You know he isn't there, why do you do this to yourself? He softly sighed at the thought. His beloved was gone now. Forever. And he knew it. Why? was all he could scream when he looked at his note. Emmet was a coward, it was the only reason James died. James loved him. But Emmet was a coward. James had told him he was gay, he told him everything. And all Emmet could do was storm out, trying to force back tears of happiness, mixed with anger. James died that night. But James wouldn't die without the very last words, he wrote Emmet a note. When Emmet read it, he felt like dying. Those words he read, oh; how his heart flipped when the note revealed its secrets, saying, "Emmet, I love you. I love you more than life its self. I would do anything for you. So, if I repulse you so much, I will forever leave you in peace." Emmet's mind was screaming as he remembered the words, short & simple. He loved me, and I just...I let him die. Why?!?! WHY?!?! He could feel the hot tears burning his eyes once again, leaving dirty streaks down his pale face. He whimpered in the cold, looking to the skies, seeing that it would rain soon. He pulled in his knees, hugging them tightly to his chest. He felt the rain fall, slowly, in large, fat drops. Then pounding hard in thin, freezing drops. He let the the water wash over him, mixing with his tears. With his hair plastered to his face, he looked over the water & landscape, just to see if they would have all the answers to all of his questions. He just wanted to run. He wanted to be free of the pain, the human race, the life he was living just barely. He wanted out. No matter how much, how hard he worked to get past the pain, he couldn't escape. The nightmares & daydreams that haunt his very core, how he wished to die every time he thought of the beautiful man's eyes. How he wished to see his smile, hold him close, laugh at the most absurd things. Blissful. That was what he was, blissful. startlingly blissful. James was his happiness, James was his life. It seemed, with out him, that Emmet was just a shell, a point of no return from where ever the hell he was locked away. He laughed, thinking over the good times. He'd just...gotten so sick of being sorry. Thinking over James, it made him hurt, but with the hurt, came laughter, joy, love, peace. He could wish all he damn well wanted to, but nothing was going to bring him back. Only memories, only tear drops & laughter, only the smallest things that make the biggest difference now. There was nothing Emmet could do about James. He stood then, pulling himself together, as if he'd shattered on that shoreline. He was pulling his face together, his eyes, his mind. He smiled and threw one small stone into the seemingly endless abyss of black/brown murky water. He smiled again, walking away from the shore, he knew that he'd be back again, same place, having the same thoughts.
Author notes
Well, uhm, I know it goes into third person, but I'm cheap & can't afford the silver or gold membership (for italics). Down tell me about it, I know already.
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