"Shit! I just fucked up my grill again. Those goddamn deer!"1
I looked out the window, eyes bright with excitement. Placing an order on the counter, I checked to make sure no one would see me leaving. I slipped out the back door of the kitchen, and immediately saw what the newest patron was complaining about.2
My mouth watered when I saw the blood spattered over the Mack's silver grill, with tufts of tan fur sticking out here and there. It was almost too much to bear.3
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer4
is a very tasty deer5
I sang the whole way down the road. 6
I saw the glorious hunk of meat on the shoulder. Its eyes were wide open, and it was still breathing but quite shallowly. His flank was torn open and his intestines were spilling out in great pink loops. I paused to wipe my mouth, then bent down to sink my hunting knife into its heart. I had no time to mourn my killing, because I had to work fast, before the bugs and birds came after my prize feast. 7
I took a large plastic garbage bag out of my back pocket, opened it up and started pulling the guts into it with my hands. Soon they were warm and wet. I closed up the deer's belly, then did the same with my bag.8
This will taste so good in tomorrow's soup9
I plucked out one of the eyes and popped it into my mouth to suck on. I looked up to see a couple of my black winged friends circling above, waiting for their turn at this delicacy. I trudged back, chewing and swinging the black bag.10
I set the bag into the walk-in freezer, and went to wash my hands. I sniffed, then licked my fingers, savoring the slight metallic taste. I ran my tongue over my lips as I ran hot water over my hands. The sink turned pink, then the water ran clear again. I turned back to my cooking just as another order came in.11
I love working at diners, because they cater to such colorful people. Truckers are always the ones that let me make my gourmet meals, because they are the ones smashing animals on the highways. I take what I need, and leave the rest of the carcass for the road cleanup crews. Everyone always compliments me on my cooking skills. They don't know my secret. If they did, do you think they'd keep eating here? It's a shame people aren't more open minded. Perhaps I should say open mouthed in this case. 12
Author notes
I think I probably got this idea from those Roadkill cafe t shirts that were so popular when I was in high school. I just take it a step farther.
Just an intro, folks, I don't know if it's short story or novel material. I've got some other snippets I could add but I want to make them flow together well.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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LOL. Well if you enjoyed it, check back later I'm going to be adding more. I've been researching the use of wild game and small animals in recipes (not actually making them, mind you!)
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Excellent.
Great story, It's gonna make me think twice about going to the various roadside diners during the Summer Months when travelling up to the Family cottage, lol. Very well done. -
Good job.
Yuck, I think somebody said. That's my reaction too. This is a very funny piece of writing. I guess you could call it a vignette if it weren't so obviously fiction. As it is, I think it would be called flash fiction. The eye part made me want to barf, but otherwise, it's a good write.
Anyway, good job. -
This will taste so good in tomorrow's soup
that fucking made me gasp outloud.
I plucked out one of the eyes and popped it into my mouth to suck on.
that actually grossed me out.
Can you believe it, you fucking shocked me, me the Goddess of Darkness. Wow, you so kick ass. That was the bomb and I remember my Mom had a Menu from the Roadkill Cafe and it was so damn gross, I would love it now but didn't know any better then. Excellent job on this piece. Damn that was so awesome.
Hugs and bites, Lady Raven -
Nice base for writing a short story.Disturbing to think about Roadkill cafes though.The eye part made my stomach roll but it wasn't that bad.Poor people who come into that diner and don't know what they are eating.I would puke if I found out it was simply roadkill.It should be in a book that could be called "Things you never knew about roadside diners or diners for that matter".That would be hilarious.Blessed Be,Tom
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Oh, well I might be adding more
I've started to sort through all my older work in notebooks and such 
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Heh. I remember those t-shirts. Too bad they went out of style. Um. This was an...interesting piece. It was short and good, but what made it stand out in my mind was the total Lack of emotion instead of the overwhelming presence of emotion. Great write and entry!
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LOL........wow! No more Eat Rite Cafe for me! Hahaha!
Thanks for the enjoyable read!
TD -
Ohhhh, SICK! But so totally awesome. You know that has to be what's going on in those backwoods little truck stop-diner places ... or in McDonalds - take your pick.
Taco Bell! I had a teacher a few years ago who once worked there, and ... damn ... just stick with the chicken, people.
Great story, a really gross and scary story that was hilarious and a real gem to read because I'm honeslty sure I've never read something like this before. Awesome! -
mouth watering ;)
Darlin' this is just too precious! LOL Being close enough to WV I know all about roadkill and who actually eats it! There are people who scramble to get that stuff! I came upon a deer that someone hit and left but it was still alive. I called the game commission and before they could get there I had three guys come up in cars asking me if they could kill the deer and take the meat! Here I was, just looking out for the poor thing and these guys were fighting over tomorrow's dinner. Oh what a strange world we live in.
This truly is perfect and I could envision the whole thing. Very well done my friend.
*note to self...don't eat in diners...especially ones in WV that truckers love.
Victoria Lin -
As a cook myself ..I loved this and can not wait for you to write more..the part with the eye allmost got me tho...I myself like flat cat or curbside kitty.
Roger Aka DSG -
Oh, I have been to the Road Kill Cafe. My favorite entre is Road Toad with a side of Rigor Mortis Tortoise in the shell. Yum yum.
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this is disgusting its absolutely absurd but i guess its true you never really do know exactly what your eating but the eyeball bit almost made me vomit. well written though.keep it up with the good stuff, keep smiling for the camera and keep on keepin' on.....b3l
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um... very interesting subject matter - it was humorous and grotesque all at the same time. the part with the sink and the blood was perfect - the water turning pink and then clear again.
excellent. -
Diner workers are so bizarre anyway...great character arcs in this piece...You weaved a bold, evocative tale...thanks for sharing!
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Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer
is a very tasty deer
I was laughing and cringing the whole way through this. I am reminded of a bad accident, the kind you can't help but lookat. I dont mean the story was bad, it was really good. Just in a very sick way. I think you could turn this into quite a story. Awesome job!
Anna -
excellenteH
I always wonder about where the food comes from...in most restaurants for that matter..i mean health inspection aside..there are some pretty sketchy practices that go on - anyway, i liked this - i thought for a short story type piece, it was a bit one dimensional, mostly shock value, very entertaining shock value mind you - maybe some kind of encounter with the world outside to give a different perspective - I'm not too sure - anyway, enough rambling - I really lie this and I'm going to applaud it for it's gross awesomeness! -
Ewwww. This one is going to make me think twice about eating out from now on. But truly brilliant concept for a short story. lol. The first line made me laugh and I found the humor throughout the whole thing. So creative.
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