Out the window a dark storm was brewing. It was just the kind of evening that Julia loved. Nice and lazy. She yawned and stretched as she reached out to pet her kitten Punky. She went into the bathroom and ran some water for a cozy bubble bath, lit some candles, and hoped that Sam, her boyfriend, would come over for a little fun. Absentmindedly, she picked up the paper, and what she saw made her reluctant to breathe. Her boyfriend was in handcuffs after being arrested for murder. She screamed and dropped the paper; it was her own murder.1
Author notes
Sometimes what we see we don't expect
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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whoa, short and simple and very good. I enjoyed reading this and I thank you for entering it into my contest, but another funny thing is, my boy friend's name is sam. lol
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The last sentence came along and my eyes got wide I actually said "woahh" out loud.
Haha now you got me wondering stuff. THANKS, but i like it.. hahaha
Good Write
-Karen Sue-
Romans 8:28 -
Hoovsie, thanks so much for being around lately! It means a lot to read your sweet coments, hopefully I will get to your page soon sweetie! No hurricane damage here, just very busy with school, although things are going way better than they did last year
!
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Thanks for the idea...I'll consider it, but for right now I don't want to mess with the whole 100 word thing
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wow, i'm honored by your feedback! Thanks!
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i have seen soo many good stories in this contest, though i think yours, and the one before it take the cake, im almost embarrassed to have joined the crowd...you get my last applause
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What I'm wondering is who bought the paper?
This is a fantastic concept for such a short piece, and I wasn't expecting that twist at the end. However, I did feel that the bland statement "it was her own murder" robbed the twist of some of its punch. By that, I mean that it tells you what the problem was, but doesn't connect you to her, you don't feel what she's feeling. Personally, I'd re-write the ending slightly so that you write in the newspaper headline, and have the story ending with her scream, showing the reader what she was upset by, rather than just stating it.
It's up to you, and it's still a good story either way. Best of luck! -
Hooves Salutes!
You convey so much in this Paps - there is not one extra word but you pack a complete story into a few sentences. This is very difficult to do and plus you had a surprise ending. Very well crafted - I salute you!
Love,
Hooves -
This was a really good one. It had me going and I didn't expect it to end this way. Good concept.
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I thought about making it more ambiguous, I'm not sure why I didn't, but I think of the title "Murder She Wrote" and I think my title is a play of that..Thanks for your comments, I always take such suggestions under consideration.
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Hee, way to set the scene gorgeously, then pull the rug out from under the readers.
If I had written this, I probably would've made the title more ambiguous so it ended up more of a shocker. The specific shock is very surprising, but the "Murder" in the title lets us know that it's coming.
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From start to finish you paint a colourful picture of the scene.You've crafted a beautiful story [except for the fact murder is gory] with just one hundred words.
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Wow, this is a very thrilling piece! You fit so much detail into this small 100 word write, amazing! I'm still wondering how you fit it all in... Great write, keep up the wonderful work, and good luck in winning the contest
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very good
An odd twist. Seems someone forgot to tell the victim that she was dead.
Well done.
John -
Holy smokes that gave me goosebumps! I was doing good until I read that it was HER murder. Yikes!! Great job! Very creative and imaginative. Good luck in the contest!
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Oh i like it, great write. I wish you the best in the contest, this was great. Keep up the great work.
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Ooops, this is for a contest, Good Luck to you!!!
mi
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wow!
Oh, loved this and that Twist, never saw it coming, this was, well, wow, Paps, this, love it...and that, as I said, Twist, oh what a Twist, geez. A bunch of appluase...this rocked my boat and left me gripped and just like shocked, and...Oh, I just really loved what you were able to do in so few words for a story! bravo! -
excellent write.Gripping.I love the twist.Thanks for entering and best of luck.
~~Serenity~~
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I hate it when people murder me and I have to find out about it in the paper. A fun story--this is how I found out that I was a flesh eating bacteria--actually that was the Discovery Channel--and I was the one in hand-cuffs, but that was a private thing between me and and a Divorcee---okay Papoaloosa I'm done.
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Actually, it would be "Absentmindedly", one word, no hyphenation.
A good story, interesting idea.
I think, though, that the last comma should either be a semi-colon or that it should be a period, with the last bit as its own sentence.
Good job and good luck! -
Thanks for the comment, and for correcting my grammar, I re-read it outloud and still did not catch it, isn't that the way it goes? There is probably something written poorly in this comment as well!
Shauna -
Wow that's a story that leaves me speechless and in so few words. I think there's a mistake on the first word in the third to last sentence "Absently mindedly." Good write though.
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