We lay alone, cold and silent, behind piles of clothes and belts.1
Our colours glint in the vague light that drifts through the side of his closed curtains. The music pounding in the room hurts our nonexistent ears, and the dimness crowds our never seeing eyes. 2
The door slams and he bursts into the room, hair flying around his weather-beaten face. His fist slams into the wall, and he screams louder than his CD-player ever could. He flings books and videos off his shelves as he searches for the blades he keeps hidden from his mother. 3
Their dull sheen is all but lost under layers of dried blood as he finds them, tearing away the blood and gore casings, before flumping onto his bed. His long, bruised arm stretches out, and he slashes at it, his eyes deadly, searching for a high-rising vein. 4
His anguish sends blood racketing across his skin, down his legs, onto his bed. 5
He sobs and puts away the blades, the chains on his trousers jingling merrily. Why do they always have all the fun? 6
He grabs a hidden towel out of his dresser, and staunches his arm, listening to the thumping music. It barely covers the sound of his mother yelling at him from the other side of the locked door. 7
The towel falls to the ground with a flourish, and he searches around for us. Bracelets. In all the colours of the rainbows. We feel his hands on us, and then he slips us tenderly over them, scanning the length of his gashed arms, covering the spaces that the arm warmers don’t reach. 8
He holds his breath, and then lets it out, picking up his schoolbag and trudging down the stairs.9
On the way out his mother yells at him for spending his EMA money on arm warmers and bracelets, and his blank stare doesn’t give anything away. He just takes the hate, and goes on his way to school.10
Emo. Faggot. Idiot. Ugly. Freak. Unwanted. 11
It’s all the same. Agony. It always has been. Another day of being used and tossed around, and then he comes home, and throws us off his arms and onto the floor. His body curls on the bed, crying and hitting the pillow over and over again. He stops crying, sits straight, and with a small, sardonic laugh, he swears he’s going to take his life tonight.12
Bang.13
We lay alone, cold and silent, behind piles of bloody clothes and bloody belts.
Author notes
My rather depressing take on the song 'Laughing Out Loud' by The Wallflowers.
candy - hershey's milk chocolate
band - linkin park
book - i like lots of books.
A contest entry
- ~I didn't know what to call it,so this is it~ by Ninja Bubble.
100 points, ended November 24, 2007, 25 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Anything And Everything (Branch Out, Peoplez!!!) by Felissa.
300 points, ended November 23, 2007, 20 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Oh My Goth!!! by asthray.heart.
324 points, ended January 4, 2008, 19 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Story Quickie Prewrite Contest - Winner Pays it Forward by Kari.
375 points, ended January 28, 2008, 4 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - +Emo+ by heartfullofvenom.
300 points, ended February 9, 2008, 41 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Emo's,Emo's,Emo's I want EMO'S by XxCheyennexChaosxX.
100 points, ended March 9, 2008, 5 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Emo and love. by aloneallalong.
335 points, ended April 1, 2008, 30 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Eh well.
Comments
1 - 42 of 42
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That was deep. You wrote the emotion well and I liked how you used the bracelets point of view. Great job!
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it so sad and depressing... I LOVE IT! you made me feel the saddness and pain of the boy. awsome job!
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Love this! It's beautiful in a sad and horrible way. It scares me to think that this is actually true. People are treated this way and take the way out they can see.
Awesome story!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, characters: 5.
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Wow! Such a great idea, writing from the prespective of the bracelts. Inspiring! And there were some wonderful descriptions in there.
Good luck in the contest! -
so cool. i really like the perspective you put the story in. it gives a whole other look to the story other than it being told from an onlooker or first person
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thats really good. and i mean really good. sad cuz my friend died like that 2 nights ago but every1 has to go sumtim i suppose y not sooner for others and later for others.. if i could choose id take sooner but i cant so i dont.. but very good
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Exelent
I really enjoyed readinf this...
I love how you wrote it from the bracelets point of view. Nice personification. it had a nice flow and a good story line.
Good Luck!
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Oops... forgot these, hehehe..
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Wow...
I guess I'm just gonna be another commenter, but seeing this on your page made me realize I'd never read it. Now that I have, I'm glad I made the decision to click the link. Great job. Really, this is amazing. I'm so glad you've won so many trophies for it. Good luck in any other contests you enter it in (not that you'll need it)
-Kevan -
That is quite an indepth sad write. It is truly strong in imagery, you wrote this with such amazing conviction. Well done.I wish you all the best in the contest.
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I wasn't sure what to say about your story since it was rather too depressing for me and I am uncomfortable with the subject. However, it was descriptive. I can't agree with the amount of claps and comments as some people in storywrite are not sure how to give constructive critiques that really help the writer. I'm glad that you recieved positive comments as your story does deserve it.
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I think the bracelets wer an interesting perspective. I struggled really hard not to roll my eyes at the subject material. Despite that, I think you have good skills for description and managed to pull through alright. I just wish it weren't such an overdone, cliche topic.
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Touche.
I understand where you are going, but I feel that you thinking to roll your eyes at the thought of self-harm, bullying, bad domestic life, and suicide, is rather distressing.
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A day in the life, eh?
I was drawn right into the piece. It took me a while to figure out that it was from the bracelets' point of view, but that's probably me just not thinking straight; after all, it is the title.
Your description is just right, after all. Not too much and not too little. It's like everything Baby Bear owns with no Goldilocks to mess it up.
Some stories are told in a cold sort of way, but this was definitely not one of those. It was absolutely stuffed to explosion with it all, hiding under every word.
This was definitely an amazing entry. I have absolutely no clue how I'm going to judge this...
Good luck,
~_^Star
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this is a point of veiw thats never been done huh?
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wow. thats different but very good.
an interesting way to write, but hey! i enjoyed it!
Great work, thanks for entering and good luck! -
Very Interesting..!! and well put together..
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Wow.
That was AMAZING.
I love the beginning and ending sentences and that the PoV was through bracelets.
I love this piece!
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Hey wow, the internet has clusterfucked you! Good job! Was it myspace? vampirefreaks?
It is: "the shiznit" "triggering" "real gud" "deep" "goodie good good job".
Holy. Shit. I'm just speechless. -
very nice, enjoyed it ..
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jus keep writin this shiznit~Z
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wow, triggering lol, but very well done... bah i dont even know what to say
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dark if you put it my way
itz unique
a little effort at the way u bring up de effect cud work off real gud
anywayz
thumbz up -
*silenced and depressed*
I saw this in the spotlight and thought I'd check it out...
While it is incredibly good, it also might leave me depressed for the rest of the day...
...not necessarily a bad thing, though.
Goodie good good job.
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eep =x
Sorryyyyy -
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why dost thou apologize?
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'cause I made choo all depressed =/
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ah ya veo.
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wow this is so amazing!
i love it!
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I like it.
This is written very well, but it's still kinda morbid 4 me...beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 5, characters: 3.
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xD
It's hardly 'morbid'
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Nice story!
I liked it it was great....one thing that popped into my head though at the very beginning...this is nothing against you or the story because this is just silly...but how does music hurt nonexistant ears?
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I wouldn't know.
I'm not a bracelet.
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I like this story, it shows what kdis are going through every day. Nice use of words, "Sardonic" is not one of the words I ge tyhe pelasure to hear every day. Lol. No idea what EMA is, though. Is it an american term?
I like the form of writng, the bracelts are the narators. Great read. -
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EMA is edjucational matinance allouance (can't spell it)
No, you do not get it in America.
Some people in the UK get it to go to college, if their parents' income is under a certain ammount.
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This was soooooo awesome
Not much else to say beautifully used words, symbols and emotion. I shall download the song and listen now.
~Lady Madeline. -
Great job.
Love this piece and I can't wait to read more of ur Writing. Keep up the good work.
PS: continue made of scars PLEASE!!!!!!!XD
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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woah!!!!!
this is soo good i love it
love it
love it
love it
ok im gonna stop writinhg that but still...i really do love it
ps: I saw the word emo and started reading.. i rather dislike emos.
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Thankyou.
I used the word 'emo?'
Where ._.
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Wow. Different. Deep. Inatamate objects can't live, but who said they can't feel? You did an awesom job. Sad. Almost metaphorical in the sense where the bracelets are a helpless friend watching as their beloved friend deteriorates and then...bam. Very good. Good job.
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Wow. The whole "point of view from an inanimate object" was really well-portrayed in this. I almost could feel what the bracelets were feeling, and obviously feel the pain from an outward point of view from the boy. He made me very sad because I know exactly how that feels, and it's a very depressing, truthful display of that. Just...wow.
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Oh, that's
. Depression: Bracelet's POV. It's never occured to me to write from the POV of an inanimate object... So you get coolness points for that. Also, you get points for being awesome. As always...
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