I let in the two dark blue suits with sunglasses. I wanted to get this out of the way, so I confessed.1
“Gentlemen, fifteen years ago, I received a large inheritance. It is now almost gone. I have no job skills; all I have done is read and study all this time. I shot the girl so I would be sent to prison, where I can continue to read and not worry about food, shelter or medical concerns.”2
They exchanged looks.3
“Well, I’m ready. Take me away.”4
The tall one smiled. “Who said we were cops?”5
And pointed his pistol.6
Author notes
I haven't tried to write a story in years. Especially only one-hundred words... it is difficult to tell a story in so few words! Nice challenge.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 46 of 46
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Loved it! Seemed like more than 100 words to me, but I take your word for it,..not gonna count...the point being, it seemed I read a lot more than a hundred words for the story I got, very well done! amicus...
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Wow! This was amazing talk about confessions man. Remind me to really think about it before I make one. I would sure hate for it to turn out like this. Prime example of the statement some things are better left unsaid. My gosh!
StillReal -
yeah that's definately 100. and nice job! awesome on that abruptness. works very well. especially within 100 words.
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MS Word tells me it's 100. I also double-checked...
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Uh Oh, that only 99 words. hehe Nice job anyway :-)
-Karen Sue-
Romans 8:28 -
Awesome! As I'm sure you intended, that last line echoed in my mind so perfectly. I loved the confession aspect of the main character... I felt like it gave such a strong glimpse into his personality. Good luck.
Renae. -
So I guess the girl must have had connections,lol. The mob bosses daughter? It would be very interesting to read a prequel to this story. I enjoyed the twist at the end, and the subtile moral. It's always better to ask questions then to assume, eh?
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Wow this is amazing short and sweet and with a great twist. I really like this twist. Let's just say someone's ass is gonna get shot. This is like wow. Great job!
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made me shudder...eeek..that should teach us all to ask questions first.
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Perfect, 100 words
This was funny, I got a good laugh. too bad they werent cops
NICELY done!!! -
wow. I really liked the twist ending. Great job with the 100 word limit...you developed your idea beautifully.
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Wonderful story, brilliant twist and all in a hundred words. I love it. Good luck in the contest.
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Thank you, Lady. I appreciate it!
Thanks for the wish of luck, and to you as well. -
Your ending was ingenious, abruptly ingenious! This is great! Nothing contrived or easy at all to detect. You did an exquisite job with 100 words. All the makings of a great longer short story. Good luck with the contest!
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Good! I'm surprised this doesn't happen more often! I did NOT expect the ending here.... but then, the pieces in ths contest are so short you don't really have TIME to expect anything. Maybe that's the point?
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Your welcome, and thank you for reading!
I look forward to seeing an entry from you! -
Very surprising... I actually love stories of this nature, I had a much longer form story that I wrote as a teenager with a similar theme, but I think that at 2,000+ words it was far less effective. And thank you for inadvertently bringing this contest to my attention... I love this type of challenge.
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Excellent story...short or not, it tells a big story. I loved the ending...perfectly executed...a wonderful read.
SAm
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I know you have great skill with words, although 100 is few to write a solid story with. I look forward to seeing an entry from you!
Thank you much, and good luck to you, too!
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Bravo! Bravo! I think you have done a fabulous job in 100 words and I can certainly see where this would be quite the challenge. Hmmm... I'm not sure I could do this, but you have done an awesome job. I told Serenity that I think I am too wordy!
You may have inspired me with an idea though. Just not sure about that 100 words... Eek!! Good luck in the contest!
Edited on Sep 14, 11:16 because ''. -
Thanks, Billy. Much appreciated.
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a great short story with a clear beginning middle and end... and a little twist to boot...
good job and good luck in the contest
billy -
Thanks much, Jcsketch82. I appreciate it much.
Be well! -
Wow, this is a great job, I really liked the spin on the end of it. Wow, I really like it.
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Thanks, pepperella, that means a lot.
Yes, longer may well have been better. But, I like the twist as well. It seemed to me to be one of those unexpected slaps-up-side-the-head that one doesn't see coming...
Thanks again! -
I haven't been spending much time in AP these days... and as I have full 30 minutes of free time (ahhh... time is a luxury...) I am glad I headed first in your page ...
This one has a surprising twist in the end that made me sit up straight and made me read it all over again... It would have been better if its longer but alas! the contest forbids it...lol
but you did great I like this circuitsboard
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Glad you liked it! Thanks much.
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A+A+A+
this really cought me off gaurd im reall impressed and intimadated i think i enterd the wrong contest! -
Ooh I loved the ending! It really cathces you off-guard and makes the whole story much more interesting. Such a wicked story in so few words! Good luck in the contest.
-bright eyes -
You have an interesting story here,at a point sounding humorous - except for the gun.It looks as if the 'gentlemen' are here to exact a pound of flesh!
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excellent
Wow what a lot in such a small amount of words.
The ending....it will keep me thinking all day...
I loved it... -
Thanks! I appreciate it.
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good
Very well done. A great short story with a nice twist at the end.
A good read.
John -
Geat conclusion - and rather amusing. Good luck in the contest.
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johnrdavies, basically the girl was their sister, in my thoughts. But it could very well be as you thought.
It would have been so much nicer 200-300 words, I had to write it, then shorten it, and losing the last five words was difficult without losing the story.
Thanks for your comments! -
Thanks, Anathematized. Much appreciated! *blink*
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You used your brain for a whole minute? That must have hurt... LOL
Just kidding, Sierra. Just kidding. (I couldn't help myself)
Thanks for the comment!
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Thank you, Elaine
I appreciate it much! -
Ain’t it the truth? This was classic. But I have to ask, who was the girl? Was she some kind of mob bosses daughter? Too bad this is a contest for only 100 words. I would love to see this more in detail. I liked the twist at the end. Nicely done.
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ah, how lovely a story it is. I really enjoyed it. Thought provoking as well as intriguing to all senses. Lovely in all aspects of the word, I assure you. Keep it up.
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9/10
I enjoyed the story, I love how you tell a story in so few lines. However, now it makes me want to know the WHOLE story! THis story makes you have to use your brain for a minute. Very well done. -
Wow what a story, maybe I should go shoot someone to go to prison and never have to cook a meal again, but I don't fancy being shot myself ouch.
Very well written, great story line
Take care and congratulations in the contest
Elaine
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Thank you, SnC (May I call you SnC?)
Very kind words. You are too nice...
Be well! -
bravo!!
You did a fabulous job on this.I loved the twist and exactly 100 words.Bravo.I knew when I saw your name in the contest that it would be a great write, and it is indeed.Just goes to show what you can accomplish when challenged...and accepting that challenge head on.
Best of luck and thank you for starting off the contest right!!
Blessed be
~~Serenity~~
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Thank you, miSSareY. I appreciate it.
Be well! -
one of a kind
wowowowwowowwowowowowowowowo!
(gosh so many typos )
great.... i think its amazing, there was actually quite a bit of suspense, and it was a cute little twist and just a great idea!
*pats you on the back*
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