Death

Death1

I gasp, audibly, as I recognize the pink drug with which the vet is filling the syringe. They call it the "Pink Juice.” 2

“You may want to leave,” a tech says. I shake my head. "No, I need to see this." 3

They bring her in. She’s little, thank heavens; bigger means slower, and more drugs. She has a massive tumor on her jaw, and is in obvious pain. “Probably for the best,” I reassure myself. 4

She is lifted onto the table, and receives many pets and pats, murmurs of love and “what a good girl, what a sweet dog.” I lean on my broom, frantically fighting tears. 5

She is quiet and still, seemingly oblivious to everything around her. “She’s dead inside,” I tell myself. 6

The vet tech picks up the syringe, the one filled with pink drug, and pats the little dog’s mangled face. The needle pierces the dog’s vein. Before even half of the drug leaves the syringe, she slumps over. 7

Death is silent, shocking, and obvious.8

I see a lot of death (probably too much for a 17-year-old). They occur fairly often at the vet's office where I work, and they really affect me. They don't get easier to witness, and they don't get easier to deal with. Death is just as shocking the tenth time as the first, and the urge to cry/barf is just as present now, after six months of working at the vet, as it was the first time.9

A couple of weeks ago, I accidentally made friends with a euthanasia case. The animals marked to die aren't literally so -- they don't have labels on their cages or anything (how awful would that be if they did -- "Don't touch this animal, don't love this animal, it's going to die soon").10

The day was slow; I was bored. He was a handsome cat, and looked lonely, so I figured I would sit down and pet him for a while. He was obviously sick, his wasted body told me that, but he was sweet and friendly and overall just a nice cat.11

I liked him.12

And I didn't suspect a thing until I saw him put in The Freezer.13

On another occasion, I knew the euthanasia was going to be hard when I was asked to help in the killing.14

"Annye, could you do me a huge favor?" the vet asked.15

Oh, crap, this is going to hurt. 16

"Could you go get me a box? It needs to be about the size of a Jack Russell Terrier."17

Yeah, about the size of a dead Jack Russell Terrier.18

I tried to find a box that he would be comfortable in. Really, the little dog was lucky, He got to go home afterwards, go home to be buried in his own yard, maybe under a favorite tree or near his family's swing set. At least he didn't have to go to The Freezer.19

Let me explain to you The Freezer. I have recurring nightmares about The Freezer, no joke. The Freezer is the place where animals go after they have died. We euthanize them, we make sure they are dead, we put them in a garbage bag... and then they are placed (unceremoniously, and with little care) in The Freezer.20

When our animals die, there are no endless plates of steak dinners, no boundless fields of catnip, no eternal behind-the-ear-scratches. Instead, animals, once dead, are placed in The Freezer until they can be burned and mailed as a packet of ashes to their former owners. This freezer resides in the precise center of our kennel, and every time I walk past I cannot help but think of the friends I've seen put in there. Don’t you think they're probably cold?21

Today I saw a whole family walk in the office doors and I immediately knew why they were here (they come as a family for only two reasons: a new animal, or a dead one). The mother held the hands of two young kids: one about five and the other about eight. The father held in one hand the carrier for a small cat, and with the other he patted the shoulder of a boy my own age.22

I expected the two younger kids to be crying -- the family pet is so important to a child. And I expected the mom to be crying -- a child's pain is a mother's pain. 23

But when I saw the teenage boy break down... that's when I lost it. He was trying so hard contain it, to fight it, to hide it. His grief was the worst of all just because he wanted so badly for it not to exist.24

I hope he kissed his cat goodbye. I bet he didn't.25

As her screams of terror and pain fill the office, I am forced, quite unwillingly, back to the reality of the vet's office. The sound of her suffering is like a thousand trains screeching to a halt or a million nails scraping a chalkboard. Her little body is failing; I can see it in her eyes, can feel it in the shaking that is imminent death. She struggles wildly against the restraints of the handlers, trying desperately to free herself, not yet resigned to a date with The Freezer. 26

I shove my fingers in my ears and squeeze my tearing eyes as hard as I can. I have fled the room, am not even close to the room, but still I can hear her, can picture her orange body writhing in pain. I resist the urge to fall to my knees, or to run to the bathroom and turn on the faucets to drown out the noise. The other employees exchange glances. Sympathy, it that what they feel for me? No, it’s probably annoyance, with just a bit of understanding. “She’ll get over it eventually,” they say with their eyes. “It won’t bother her so much in a couple months.” 27

I scream, scream silently, scream with her. Her pain causes my own. 28

Then the clinic is soundless. 29

I creep into the treatment room, where I know her little body will lay. Her eyes are still open, gazing blankly at the drug that killed her, and her mouth gapes slightly in a final protest to death. Her orange stomach is still, I know, but still I watch it to make sure she is really dead. 30

Two rooms away, I hear the racking sobs of her mother. I close my eyes and plug my ears, and silently I cry with her. 31

Author notes

My name is annye, or okapishomapi, whichever floats your boat. Okapis are cool (wikipedia it!!).

salve amica, tu es puella. my favorite flower? um... the ones growing on her grave (if dandelions count). my favorite color is green!

A contest entry

Critique,please, thanks a bunch!

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • stardust3492
    January 11, 2008
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    This is amazing. It is very moving. Thanks for entering it and good luck in the contest!


  • Paragonz Shadow
    January 2, 2008

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    Ha, so that explains the name...I was kinda wondering. On a completely different tangent...I did a project on okapi's last year...

    Moving story. I did work experience in a vet's office once, and I was really lucky I only got to watch surgery and there were no euthanasia cases during those five days.

    I understand all the accolades, the story was great.


  • I Dare to Dream
    December 26, 2007
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    This was indeed truly, truly, sad. I mean really. I LOVE animals, and I hate it when they die,so this really struck home with me. The last few paragraphs, remove the brackets, it sort of spoilt it for me.

    But still, I loved this. Beautiful!

    Good Luck!


    • OkapiShomapi
      December 26, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      *blushes* Thank you very much!

      As for the parentheses, well, I'm just not sure what to do about that section of the piece. I really like and I think it fits with the theme, but I wasn't sure that it fit with the end of the piece (which is why I put it in parentheses). Do you have a suggestion?

      annye

      • I Dare to Dream
        December 26, 2007

        Edit | Reply
        How about adding something before it? How about this: "I jerk out of my thoughts as her screams of terror and pain fill the office..."

        That way, no need for parentheses, and it still fits with the rest of the story!

        It's just a suggestion, if you don't like it, or can't think of anything else, then you can leave it as is.

        • OkapiShomapi
          December 26, 2007
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          Oh, that's perfect! Again, thank you so much for the critical comment. I wish more people would actually critique instead of just comment.

          annye

  • EnemyOfAll
    December 9, 2007

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    Very sad

    I like the way you conveyed emotion in this. Your desciption was very well done. Keep up the good work


  • Felissa
    November 21, 2007

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    Wow.
    Incredibly said. ther's no other way to describe it.
    As an animal person, this story made me wonder. Death is such a cold, thoughtless thing when it happens in an office like that, when it becomes routine. Not many people ever stop to think about the pain involved with it.
    My cat, Shuby, was put to sleep three years ago. This brought back some awful memories of it.
    Thanks a ton for the entry and good luck!
    ~_^Star


  • skye01 gold member
    November 6, 2007

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    Very Good

    I have watched people die slow agonizing deaths. They must endure pain, misery, and fear beyond imagination. We as a society believe that death comes only at an appointed time and we should not interfer but for an animal we are more loving and kind to the animal in pain, old sick and dying. We do not let our animals suffer even though it is so hard to let them transition to their higher plane of life.
    I have had to have 3 of my cats euthanized for different reasons. One was 18 years old and could not maintain her blood pressure. The hardest was a stray kitten my son found on the side of the road with her legs bound with duct tape and her mouth taped shut. She was in shock for days and I nursed her back with Healing Touch and lots of love. When I took her to the vet for a check, she was still recovering from her ordeal. They gave her too strong flea medicine and within 24 hours she was seizing. I held her as they started the IV and gave her the medicine. I held her until she took her last breath. We must remember that death is not an ending but a transition of life to a higher plane and just as humans transcend so do animals. As people return as spirits, so do animals. Even though their death is hard for you to watch, watch for the little signs when they come back for a visit to a "special friend."


  • Olinda
    November 5, 2007
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    Oh my gooood!!! Its sooooo saaad!!


  • darkpaintedreams
    October 4, 2007

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    Ohhhh this was so good but sad. I love animals and I'd hate to have to see that everyday. I had a dog, he didn't die but my mother decided to give him away, it felt like he died. I loved this, great job on it and good luck in the contest.

1 - 11 of 11