Introduction 1
Mike holds the heavy gun in his hand, feeling the coldness. His eyes glare at the ceiling, taking a deep breath. He's alone. Always alone. The bright light shines on him, as he battles with his innerconscience. 2
***** 3
You can do it. So simply. Just put it to your mouth and pull. 4
---But what about AJ, Will, and- 5
Like they care about you! They just leave you here, all by yourself. Just pull it, damn it. PULL IT! 6
---What about my little sister? 7
She's always annoyed you. You know it. Pull it, Mike. Be a man. A real man would. Don't be a girl Mike, be a man. 8
---A real man would give up? 9
Yes, if he's been through enough shit. Your dad just left you Mike, he left you to your bitchy mom. He just GAVE up, you can too. Be a man Mike. 10
---I am. 11
No your not. A man wouldn't have put up with Tracey breaking up, with his mom beating him, with those guys kicking the living hell out of you. Or that teacher who turned your mom in for abuse and made you go to a foster home. 12
---I thought that was good thing. Laura is nice. 13
Laura is a fucking bitch, she doesn't let you do anything. And what about your teachers? They all think your a psychopath. Do it Mike. 14
---What about my sister? 15
What about her? We already cleared this up. She’s an annoying little nine year old. Pull the trigger Mike. Just one little muscle. 16
---But..but.. 17
Common Mike, do it before anyone can stop you. 18
---I don't want to.... 19
Yes you do. You know you do. Quit being a baby. You little wimp. You got cut from the high school football team, Tracey dumped you, you get beat up, your a nerd! You wimp. Loser. 20
---Shut up! 21
You know its true. Everyone hates you. All your friends just use you. You're a push-over, a geek, a loser, a poser. Be a man already. Mike, do it. You know what? If you do die, no one will miss you. Not even your slut-whore mother, or your heroin addict dad. Your sister won't even remember you when she turns 16. Common Mike, end your misery! 22
---SHUT UP. That’s not true! They lov- 23
Get over yourself Mike. You suck at football, you don't have a girlfriend, your best friend ditched you. You're a loser! 24
---Fuck you. 25
I wasn't going to bring this up, but how could I forget?. Your gay. That’s why those guys beat the shit out of you every week. That’s why your girlfriend left. Why your friends ditched you, why the coach cut you. He said he cut you because you were losing your touch. You know that’s not true though. Stupid homo. 26
---Shut up... 27
Gay. 28
---So? 29
It's because your gay. Everyone hates you, everyone wants you dead, no one wants to be your friend. No one wants to have you as their son, as their brother, anything. 30
--STOP IT. 31
Gay loser, your dad will hate you even more when he finds out your gay. He'll probably kick the shit out of you more than those one guys did. 32
---SHUT UP! I'm not listening to you! 33
>>>BANG<<< 34
***** 35
"Mike hunny?" 36
"Yeah?" 37
"Are you alright??" 38
"Yeah, I'm watching a movie." 39
"Oh, I thought I heard a gun! Turn it down a bit k?" 40
"Okay." 41
Author notes
I won a silver with this dialogue, I'm just re-posting it .
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Fantastic poem. It reminds me a lot about the end of fight club. Was your powm inspired by fight club at all?
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WOW! i think this is the best poem i've read in a long time. well at least the msot moving. i enjoyed the voice in the head, it sounds like mine. it was wven more powerful to me that he didn't go through with it.
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A friend of mine currently read this for class- the teacher was shocked and disturbed by it... Which is what I'm looking for. There are people who feel like Mike out there, there are everywhere...
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Of course I've seen it
. The book is like, my bible. lol. Thanks for reading this. I'm glad you like it.
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This reminds me of Fight Club, if you havent seen it, you should. That aspect aside I thought it was a good story, internal struggle is a bitch, everyone deals with it to some degree so I know anyone who reads this is affected in some way. I hope things arent bad for you like the character in your story. Good write.
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You're most welcome. I was very please on how everything was written. so far you are on of my fav!!
Always
~Jenn~ -
Thank you for the read. I'm really glad you liked it and thought it was realistic, it's what I'm aiming for. I've been in a similar situation, it's tough. Thanks for reading
stay strong.
Kami -
Excellent
Wow! This was so intriguring and realistic.. I understand this poem whole heartly.. People want so much just to be accepted and have people believe in them. I know I was there once.. And finaly I had to stop and think I aint gonna let noone tell me what I had to do, that it was time for me to take a stand and start living for myself. I love how he didn't listen to the voice in his head and "shot the voice instead. And the way you brought all this around was really excellent. I really did enjoy reading it. And also just keep up the great writing. and I am looking forward to other writes by you. And thank you for posting this excellent piece..
~Jenn~ -
it's great i like how he didnt kill himself... first i thought someone was really saying that stuff to him and then i took a harder look at what the words where really saying. It was the person in his mind... Awsome job
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Errr, oops. I meant story
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Astounding!
OH MY GOD! This was so powerful and realistic. Fighting with yourself, arguing, bringing up all the points against you that most people wouldn't ever know. It was almost hard to read this cuz I know so many people that have gone through it and been on that side of the gun, I myself have been there and it's not pretty. People want so much just to be accepted and told that they're ok the way they are, but no one really believes it till they're shown it. The way you brought this around, had the two voices fighting each other, then the shot, and then the mom talking to the kid, it all added up to a truly remarkable write. You did wonderful with this. Excellent work, keep up the great writing. Good luck in life, take care, ~BrokenMasks -
I wouldn't consider it a poem in the strictest sense of the word, but it's definitely poetic nonetheless.I love how he didn't go through with it in the end, how he ended up, instead, killing that nasty little voice in his head. Friggin' great, this one was. I can see why you won a silver.
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