The faint music always plays in the background - it's a cliché. I can hear it now. It sounds like it's coming from one of those old record players from the 1950's, but I can't remember the name of them! Oh well, such is my limited education. Yeah, and I can't get out of my bed in the morning - not that I'm crippled, just lazy. I won't even get up for bacon. We've all been through phases. I remember when I was really popular, sporty, likeable and normal, but I was only, like, ten. Pinch me, but it must have happened. I don't remember a neurotic scientist implanting memories in my head, but why would I? I was probably on Tipsy's craic. 1
'Yeah well, get the *bunny* up, Lily!' Is this the alarm we want when we're as lazy as s h i t stuck on the foot of a farmer? I think not, but then I "think not" all the time. So what? Just get a bottle of coke, ignore health warnings from cookery teacher, and gulp it! Chuck in bin - optional, but heck, I prefer throwing it into the Thames, the Thames being the biggest unofficial dump on earth, just behind Liverpool and America. Well that's what Tipsy says, but then, his name says it all really. You can't trust Tipsy - he's just out of it. 2
'Hi Tipsy.' 3
'*bunny* off!' Well, that's what you'll get from old Tipsy, even if you're baring pots of real gold. London is the biggest pot of fake gold ever, and Tipsy's definitely the unwary guy looking for leprechauns. Hey, come to London to achieve wealth and prosper forever! Yeah, why are there so many beggars then? It's all those ruddy Romanians that are naive enough to believe that one! You're either rich or you're not, and I won't claim to be either. My mum's called time rich, money poor; I always thought it should be the other way round, but so what? I would be poor on both counts if it weren't for slacking and flunking. Cool - Tipsy's never been to school and certainly doesn't plan to start at the age of fifteen. He sometimes wishes he was dead, but that's just a ploy to get you to buy him E tablets. He almost did it once, kill himself, but then I spent all my money on the things at a pusher's "store".
I like looking at photos of myself when I was five; I like swearing and jeering at that wide-eyed innocent thing that I used to be, but then I got educated, and that was that. It always is. Tipsy's a Romanian. You get him drunk and it's like lighting a firework. Here's a simple equation for you:4
Tipsy+Vodka=Party!!! Cool huh? He's like the crappiest loser you'll ever come across, but at least he can do some kind of Romany jig. Oh, we've got a s h i t ter of a club that totally kicks those public school kids' butts, and plays great dance! Tipsy's got epilepsy so we took him there especially. He had a fit! It was MENTAL!!! 5
'You a minger, y'all?' is all that Tipsy can say in his Romanian accent, and it's hilarious - but it really gets the snobs! Little *bunny*s that they are! They run fifty miles before they turn back to the crazed foreign gippo. That's good fun! Tipsy's short for something like Tip-angar-fantols, but I can't pronounce or spell that, and Tipsy wouldn't know if you called him Evan or Bill! Yeah, Tipsy's great - he dyed his hair ginger when he was five apparently, but I think it's natural. He turns up to school at breaktime, but my English teacher starts shooting at him, so he runs away, gun in hand. He's a bad aim - some call him a "gangsta!" - so he once shot Patty accidentally, she's one of those blinging popular people.6
This is how they talk: like black people on steroids. They're like a parody of themselves without even realising it. My boyfriend, Typsy's best friend, says he needs beer. Get one from Typsy's fridge if you're thirsty - his fridge being a cardboard box.
Author notes
The grammar and phrases are spoken through the mouth of Lily, the main character, so gramatical errors that arise are "not my own"! The area where she calls America a "dump" - please don't get offended. I am not afraid to express someone's personality by their views, even if they are extreme - if this is found to be offending, which I know it was (and I expected it) please look at the following line "Well that's what Tipsy says, but then, his name says it all really." The writing explains that Tipsy's a nutter, and the writer claims that he is in this very sentence. Please don't take offence, because it wasn't writen in sincerity!
Please tell me what you think, but don't go overboard!
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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it was sort of confusing. i really liked it though
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I really liked it. Very random, but shows good thought-process. It's how the mind works, random when things are said/done. I was a little confused with Tipsy at the beginning, but you explained him well at the end. The only thing that I didn't like was calling America the 'unofficial-dump' and also you had some spelling and grammatical errors. But, I'm sure you've gotten enough people saying that already. I did like how real the characters were. Question: is this something real or something you just made up? Either way, it's good. Just curious.
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I am afraid (if this disappoints you) that this was written off the top of my head! I didn't looke up from the keyboard when writing, and I didn't bother to troubleshoot, if this explains spellin and grammar!
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no, don't get me wrong, it was good! I tend to do that a lot, but I dunno, I got like an OCD with proofing my work like five times over. But, different strokes. Anyway. I like your series. Very good. And you're only thirteen! You've got a wide open path.
Good job and good luck!
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Well to be honest the grammer and spelling sucked. Some spots where worce then others. the 'ramble' itself was oddly amusing. I could follow just fine and found it quite hummorus. Anyway, a good bit of entertainment just poorly structured.
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Record players from the 1950's are called "record players". "Fazes" should be "phases". This is complete shit. Why would you actually ask people to read this? It's horrible.
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Hmmmm.... I'm not really sure what this was. Well, a rambling monologue, obviously, but is it the beginning of a story, or just something you wrote off the top of your head?
I didn't like the America-is-a-dump thing, just because I'm American and (besides daytime tv shows and most music videos) America isn't that trashy. Plus it's mean to make fun of another person's country, unless this is a definite story and your narrator has a reason to be biased.
I liked the randomness of it all. I like how Tipsy is so crude and the random British slang (minger. Heh. The only reason I know that word is from a Fatboy Slim song) and how Tipsy was Romanian. I liked the overall 'feel' to it, too.
Nice job. -
awsome
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This really expresses your emotions, and through that, I found out who Tipsy is. Ironically, it's also the name of my dog.
fazes=phases (that's a spelling error in the beginning of the story. I try to look for errors throughout the story, but I end up forgetting about it, so..there might be more mistakes)
It was pretty random in parts of the story, though I kinda found it entertaining in a way! Maybe you could try using chronological order. Or maybe you could talk about what you did in the morning, then about Tipsy and school, then end it with something else... I dunno. Hmm maybe you need more descriptions.
You had a lotta curse words in it, but, that's probably your way of showing expressionism. We all have our different ways.
I hope this comment sorta-kinda helps!
--Asralie-- -
A few spelling and puncuation mistakes but I'm not really going to point them out.
This could have been an exercise to break writer's block or just an attempt to get the creative juices flowing. It really doesn't matter becasue for some reason I cannot explain---I love it! Sure, it fits the title and in a few spots one sentence belongs in the next paragraph (this really breaks the flow so try to fix the problem).
Not certain what to do with this at the moment but whatever happens, DO NOT DESTROY THIS!!!!
Sure, it might need a bit of tweeking yet whatever you do, NO major edit work.
Jim
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I kinda like it.
=] It's different from what I normally read,
but it's okay. -
okay ...
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