And All The Restless Nights To Come

Rain poured gently into the night with lightning bolts accentuating every minute of my sadness. I lay in my bed unable to sleep – I could spread myself out, roll around and find a degree of warmth, but it was not fortifying whatsoever. I knew very well why I was kept awake; my restless emotions seemed as naked and vulnerable as I was. My covers were suffocating and I found myself constantly pushing them down around my stomach only to become cold and pull them back up around my shoulders. 1

1:47 a.m. I was still tossing and turning and trying to overcome the longing. Even the radio DJ had lost his witty comments at this hour. He played old Megadeath and Green Day without opinions or clever commentary. It wasn’t until he announced the one song that could make this morning worse, that I decided to do something productive. According to my other nocturnal friend, it would be only minutes until I would hear “Broken.” In my prior oblivious nature, I found it to be a poignantly beautiful song – but now I knew it would add to my misery and rupture my already unstable condition.2

I heard the first few notes and nervously bit my lip to stop the shaking and prevent tears from flowing. Something inside me told me to not turn it off…to listen to the words and revel in their own melancholy rhythms. It took but a few seconds before I finally broke down. Suppression was impossible. I could only listen to the bitter and unforgiving truth as my pillow absorbed every dismal tear. The rain decanted on. 3