By Ayesha Raees
I sighed loudly and shook my head frantically and swallowed the knot in my throat. I just couldn’t do it, I just couldn’t… I looked around at my band who was staring at me in a worried expression; I shrugged their stares off and looked at the ceiling, trying to focus my attention at anything except my worried heart.
My best friend at my side sighed loudly and stretched her arms before getting up and looking around at the band. She tightened the pink sparking scarf around her neck and slightly brushed her blue blouse down; she had dyed some of my blond hair to red, giving a beautiful punk look.
“Guys, this is it, our first ever gig, and we have been practicing for weeks on this. I hope everyone is feeling confident tonight,” she said, her voice full of spirit and enthusiasm. She looked at me worriedly and then put a comforting hand on my shoulder.
I looked at her, my bright green eyes glistening in tension as I nervously played with the red velvet ribbons that were attached to my sleeves.
“Berry, it’s going to be fine,” My best friend said as she smiled at me, her bright blue eyes glittering.
“Thanks Kim,” I was able to mutter before I lowered my head and sighed slowly again. I was nervous; I have never been on top of the stage, scratch that, never been popular or in middle of any kind of attention. Its not that I couldn’t be but the thing was, I hated attention. I was more of a back row, shy, quiet teenage girl. Well I ‘was’ but now, I wont be.
It all started when my best friend, Kim Yushi started a band that included most of our closest friends. Mike Key, the red head, was the drummer and Kieran Shawn, his sister, was on the base. Kim was the main guitarist and the back vocalist whereas my cousin, Steve Harrison was the back guitarist. And then there was me, Berry Harrison, the shyest Harrison in the world was the main vocalist. I never really wanted to be in the band but I couldn’t help having a good singing voice. My best friend pressurized me and literally begged me to become a part of the band and I, being a kind person, had to agree.
So here I was, sitting at the backstage of my school hall, getting ready for my first gig and that obviously had to be for the winter dance. I was as nervous as a turkey ready for forgiven. Or maybe I am just exaggerating.
“Mike, check the smoke machines, Kieran and Steve check the instruments and see if they are properly tuned… we have only fifteen minutes to go on stage,” Kim shouted in a commanding voice as everyone scurried off to their work. I sighed loudly again, I knew why Kim had send everyone away… it was time for the ‘talk’.
I stood up from the wooden bench and without making eye contact with Kim, ran a hand through my black and red elbow length hair. I heard my best friend sigh deeply before tapping her foot impatiently on the wooden floor. Even though I didn’t want to, I turned my head to look at my best friend who had a small smile on her fair face and was looking straight at me.
And before I knew it, I was embraced in a tight hug. I smiled slowly and hugged my best friend back.
“Berry, I know you don’t want to do this and I know that you are nervous. I am sorry I forced you into this but this is important for both of us,” Kim whispered in low voice as we pulled apart.
I nodded, smiling and then at once looked away as my racing heart reminded me what was in store for me.
“What if I blow everything up?” I whispered as I sat down on my bench again, wearily.
Kim sat down next to me and put a comforting arm around my shoulders. She smiled slowly.
“Then always remember, I will always be there, standing beside you until the end. If you blow up everything which I believe you wont, I will be there standing beside you until the end,”
I smiled.
“Really?”
Kim laughed cheerfully and slapped my back playfully.
“Of course! That’s what friends are for, right?” she replied as she got up and pulled me up too. We both smiled at each other before Kim dragged me towards the stage.
Standing in the spotlight, I smiled at everyone around me who stared back at me… probably thinking how can I, the most shyest girl in the school, can sing. I took the mic into my slightly trembling hands and gulped loudly as I looked at my friends who smiled encouragingly at me. I slightly blushed and my heart beat slowly stabled and my shaking hands got a firm grip of the mic. I, at once felt, confident.
Kim started the first notes as Mike started the beat. The base followed and so did the back solo. I opened my mouth and automatically words began to pour out from my mouth.
“Breaking the heart into two
One piece for me and one piece for you
I walked away
And began to doze off
Walking on water
Living on my own
Because I believe
Yes I believe
That there is more to life
Then love and steal
Betray me or not
I will still walk away
I will jump up and down
And take away
The other part of me
Because now I can stand up
On my own two feet
I am an another girl
An extraordinary girl”
I stopped and waved at the now cheering crowd, my eyes suddenly filled with tears as I looked at my best friend and my cousin play the last part of the song, the one minute guitar solo. I wiped the tears from my eyes as I saw Kim wink at me.
The song ended and the crowd went mad. I smiled to no one at particular as I watched my best friend wave at the mad crowd. And at that moment I realized, that the company of a teenager can change the teenager herself like my best friend did to me. I was now a completely different person, I changed for the better thanks to my best friend. I now realized that when a person supported another, even with a few words and a small genuine smile, a difference can be made. That night I learned that even the best song that had the best words and the best beat cannot tell the story how you have achieved it. To me the true music to my ears were the words that my best friend had spoken to me.
Author notes
OMG!
I just cannot believe it myself, my exams are like next week and i just couldnt help sitting on my laptop and writing a story on this contest! I worked like so hard on it! actually i work hard on all the stories that i write and my eyes hurt soooo much!
hehehe
anyway, my best friend's character name was Kim and my character name was Berry and we both use it to describe one another...
My best friend left the school last year and before that we used to sit down together and talk about our future and our dreams... tough neither me or her had a good singing voice, we still both wanted to make a band and kind of did. But the story is an example of how she supported me in everything i did and everything i wanted to do. She is the reason that i started writing and started to stand up for my self as i was (might be am) very shy and sensitive.
But when my best friend left, i felt all alone and i had no one to hold to anymore. I became very rigid and cold and used to cry for hours.
So i wrote this story for all those people who have their best friends with them at the time being... i want to tell them that you are very lucky to have them and even though you dont notice, best friends take an important role in shaping each other lives...
A contest entry
- OPTIONS OPTIONS AND MORE OPTIONS by RedHearts.
400 points, ended October 13, 2007, 19 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - 2 Sets of Options and Rules, 2 Buddies, Read It All by So Strange.
725 points, ended October 31, 2007, 6 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Music by Nesa Lyrel.
650 points, ended November 13, 2007, 12 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Hmm... by darkpaintedreams.
350 points, ended October 11, 2007, 35 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Think you can write? Try and prove it. by chintzy faberge.
275 points, ended October 12, 2007, 11 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Music inspired stories by Toxic Valentine.
500 points, ended September 12, 27 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think!? And was the song good?
Comments
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LOL it reminds me of my band. I was the lead singer. Scary stuff, but in the end we all had fun. This was great and realistic.Thank you for entering and good luck in my contest

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For this critique I'm going to assume that the story is true (I think to an extent it is).
You could flesh things out A LOT more...make the reader feel as you do; right now it seems lacking in that department...
You mention the characters as though we should already know them - you do, we don't. The reader needs to know about them...and about you if the story will work.
If you can fix these things, I think this story can be really good.
Good luck in the contest! -
I am glad that you recieved a lot of positive feedback on this early on, because I am about to change that.
First off, I just want to say that this story really did make an emotional connection for me. I actually wrote a short story fairly similar to this a couple of years back, and I definitely relate to these kind of feelings.
Now on to the not-so-fun parts. I really, really felt that everything in this story was a little flat. Even though it is supposed to be an incredibly emotional experience, everything is trivialized and cliche. Berry (which, by the way, historical relevance to you aside, is a ridiculous name that should be reserved for an equally ridiculous character) is shy, but how so? There is nothing in the story to indicate her shyness, really. Also, being "nice" is usually not a good motivator to confront one's biggest fear, so if she is incredibly shy, why would she put herself in that situation. Explicate!
Grammar issues are too many to count. I'll just "fix" the first paragraph for you and you can see the mistakes.
"I sighed loudly, swallowed the knot in my throat, and shook my head frantically. I just couldn’t do it, I just couldn’t… I looked around at my band who were staring at me with a worried expressions; I shrugged their stares off and looked at the ceiling, trying to focus my attention at anything except my worried heart.
My best friend at my side exhaled loudly and stretched her arms before getting up and looking around at the band. She tightened the pink sparking scarf around her neck and slightly brushed her blue blouse down; she had dyed some of my blond hair to red, giving a beautiful punk look."
Make sure that all of your supporting sentences make sense with your main idea.
Good luck in the future! -
This was very sweet. Best friends do take an important role in shaping each others lives. I had a best friend..she didn't die or move. We were like sisters, did everything together and I completely trusted her. She got mixed up with the wrong people and I just wasn't cool enough to hang out with anymore. I was very sad and wouldn't talk to anyone, still won't. That was completely useless to say lol. Just wanted to say that I loved your story and I just wish I had a best friend like that. Great job on it and good luck in the contest.
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This made me cry . My best friend passed away seven years ago . But in 2003 , I joined a band , and all its members are like best friends to me now , because its hard for me to pick on one person in particular . I loved the expression in your story . Though I've never had stage fright , I know how it turns out to be . We've given thirty five performances in the streets , two live performances in the national stadium , and over ten performances in school . Still , Evi , the lead bassist of our band , and one of my best friends' is always trapped in a similar condition before a performance .
The song was beautiful . I loved it .
All the best to you for your exams!

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Hey this was very good.The whole story was really inspirational.My best friend is also not with me, and I miss her.Its really nice of you to work hard on this story. Its really good!I loved it.







