Neglected Stars

It was time. We all knew it. We heard the explosions, the bullets, screams...it was our time to go. Before we jumped, Chris took me to the side and handed me a Bible. He said he knew I didn't believe in God, but that He would protect me anyway. I laughed and told him all the protection I had was my Kevlar.1

As we jumped, I tucked Chris' Bible inside my vest, over my heart. I had heard stories of bullets being stopped by Bibles. How fucking ironic, I had thought, that Bibles stop bullets, yet start crusades. But I stuck it under my vest anyways. I didn't want to drop it. It meant too much to Chris, and I couldn't have it holding me down.2

It was peaceful as the chute opened. The wind was so loud that I couldn't hear the hell raging below. For a few seconds, I remember closing my eyes and telling myself that I was parachuting in Hawaii. Larry told he he did that once, before he and my mom got married. He said it was fun. I always wanted to try it. I guess this was as close as I would ever get.3

I heard Rike yelling at the top of his voice to slump inside the harness as we neared the ground. "They're so spread out, they need to conserve ammo. If they think you're dead already, they won't waste bullets!" I could barely hear him. I didn't care.4

I was still high up. It was so serene in the sky. I didn;t care about my friends dying below. I didn't want to hit the ground and help. A green speck crossed the corner of my right eye. I saw Chris slumped. I shouted to him that we were still far from the ground. He didn't look up.5

Far away, I heard the echo of Rike yelling. He was telling us that we were 100 feet from the ground, give or take. That means we were in gun range. I slumped, but it didn't matter. They shot at us. Rike you bastard, I had thought, they don't care. They hate us dead or alive.6

I didn't realize how fast the ground was coming. The second I slumped, the ground hit me. I lay inside the tall grass for a minute or two, savoring the invisibility it offered. But eventually, I rolled over and picked up my rifle.7

I remember thinking, Let's just get this shit over with. It seems so long ago now. I crawled towards the pillbox. I put my hand on my belt, feeling for grenades. I got onto my knees so I could throw it inside the box. It was me against their army. I couldn't see any of my allies. I had never felt so alone in my life.8

I slumped back over. I remembered what Larry told me once when I had just lost a good friend to Leukemia and I wasn't by his side. He looked me straight in the eye and said, Every man faces death alone.9

I shook my head, reminding myself that this was it. I needed to do this. I had a chance.10

As I thought that, I heard it. "Laden sie das Gewehr wieder!" They're reloading the pill, I thought. I reached for a grenade and stood up, but was immediately forced back down.11

The stars look beautiful tonight. I wish I had looked at them more. But, at least I can enjoy them now. Only one thing could make this better.12

I reached for my bag that had fallen a few inches from me. I opened it up and pulled out one of the cartons of cigarettes that we were issued. Larry always said I needed to quit, but, I don't care anymore. Now here I am, laying under these beautiful stars, with a bullet in my chest, a hair's length away from the Bible. What a fucking joke.