Just One Day

I will never forget that first fight. The perfect relationship had come to it's first flaw. My own anger. I always knew that was  going to be the death of me. I had always held in the negative emotions; anger, betrayal, sadness, lonesomeness. The date was September twenty-second. The year, two thousand and seven. The annual fair was in town and I was ready to spend every waking minute with him. Or... at least every waking minute that was possible for me to see him. And talk on the phone after that. Friday couldn't have gone any better. I spent so much time with him and some of it even spent in the cemetery, just sitting in his arms and talking.

A good portion of Saturday was well spent. Games and rides and the usual carnival fair food. French fries, fried dough, the food was endless. It wasn't until Mum took us home that the problems began. While looking for a movie, we stumbled upon an anime I had bought a while ago. He didn't understand much of it, the anime having been the third volume, not the first. After watching a few episodes, we slipped downstairs for some time alone. Slowly, he undressed me, leaving me in my thong. He quickly slipped that off too and turned me over on my stomach. As he slowly slipped into me, I relaxed my body, letting myself get used to him there. His pace quickly sped up. When I heard the phone ring, I tried to ignore it. It was when I couldn't ignore it anymore, my mother called down the staircase, telling us it was his father.

My eyes adjusted to the darkness. I sat there and watched him reassemble his clothing to go and grab the phone from Mum. Pulling the blanket over my exposed body, I listened to him as he spoke to his paternal parent. Sticking his head into the doorway. "My dad wants to know if you want to come with us to see a movie." When I asked him what movie, he gave me the title. A western. Great. I shook my head and told him I didn't want to go. Pulling his head from the way adjoining the two rooms, I curled into a small fetal position. I heard him walk back into the room. "He said he's going to pick me up at 6:30." Whoa, wait... what?! When I said 'no', I meant I wanted to spend time with YOU! He asked if I wanted to continue what we had started earlier. I shook my head. "Sweetie, what's wrong?" he asked me. Pulling my bra on and quickly clasping it, I pulled my tee-shirt on over my head. I didn't reply to his question. I slipped into my jeans and panties as he asked again what was wrong.

I looked down and softly mumbled out a "nothing". I knew before I even said anything, he would automatically know I was lying. He asked me once again, but before I could even answer, he continued. He asked me if I wanted him to stay with me. To that, I nodded. I watched his silhouette stand up and began walking out the door once again while telling me he was going to call his father back. Soon, I heard them talking... well, more him talking. I didn't hear his father's responses. Quickly, I moved into the corner, hearing many interchanges I wasn't too fond of. When I heard him say his goodbyes, I had tears slowly slipping down my cheeks. I heard his footfalls down the hall and watched the dark shadow come back in. He called out my name. I didn't reply. He walked over to where I was hiding. I was so sure he was going to find me.

I didn't realize I was holding my breath until he left the room and I let out a muffled cry. The tears poured down quickly in two thin strips. I then turned to face the wall and tried to keep my tears at bay as I noticed the room get lighter. He turned on the light out int he main room. He was definitely going to find me now. I heard him walk in. "Alli." I heard. I didn't say anything. He sat in front of me. "He told me he was going to either pick me up now or in a half an hour." I knew that already. He had said that the first time he came in, thinking I was in the first spot near the pillow. He continued to ask me this and that. After a while, I just tuned him out, my temper slowly rising. He continued to ask me a question. The only question I could remember him asking. "Promise me you won't hurt yourself." I had planned on doing it whether I promised or not. I just nodded as he told me again. I nodded again. "If you love me, you'll look at me." I couldn't do it. I couldn't look at him. He repeated himself again. "If you love me, you'll look at me." When I did look at him, I refused to look at him in his eyes. "Say you promise."

"I promise." I whispered, not completely trusting my voice from cracking. I looked into his eyes. Mistake. I fell into his arms crying. He just held me. When I finally pulled away from him, my breathing hitched and took a turn for the worst. I began hyperventilating. I pointed upwards, trying to tell him I needed my inhaler. He took it wrong and tried to pick me up. When I was on my feet, I pointed upwards again. When he still had no idea what I needed, I tried using hand signals, indicating what I needed. He quickly dashed up out of the room and up the stairs to get it when he realized that was what I needed. The moment he left my side, I tumbled back down to the ground, lightly hitting my head and back against the wall, my panic attack at it's peak. Just as he had fled up the stairs, he was back down them, sounding as if he took two at a time. He couldn't have been out of my sight for more than two seconds. Taking the two much needed puffs of the drug, we moved to the back room.

I had to of been quiet for a good five minutes before I finally burst. "All I wanted was one fucking weekend!" I screamed at him. "Fair weekend. It's all I'm asking for." He tried to hug me. The adrenaline was rushing through my body. Thoughts swarmed me as one particular one stuck in my head. Slap him. The thought alone worried me as I pulled my hands up, trying to get distance between us. The lone thought was still there in my mind as I tried to get away from him. It scared me literally half to death. Scurrying to the other side of the room, I looked at him through teary eyes. As my mouth opened, words spilled out. Hurtful words. At that point, I had no idea what I was saying. It all just sounded like mindless babble. The adrenaline rush had taken over my form.

Time seemed to fly by. I don't even know how it happened, but I found us back out in the hallway. His face was visible with the light as he spoke to me.I remember at one point he did tell me something. It was along the lines of: "You're going to come spend the night at he movies with me. You're going to hate the movie, but love it because you'll get to spend time with me." My head hurt and I barely seemed to even process any of it. When I looked into his eyes, they were bright, sorrowful. Sorry even. They were wet. He was crying. With me. They slowly slipped down his inner cheek, falling along his nose, waiting at the tip to fall onto my shirt. ME... I had made those tears appear. They were my fault. Everything was my fault. I took everything so out of proportion. My heart completely shattered when I saw those little crystals. I had been awful to him. A complete bitch. how could I do something THIS dreadful? He was my world. My love. Everything. This had to be my all-time fuck-up. I wrapped my arms around his midsection and hugged him tight. I held onto him for dear life. As if I were going to lose him I let go even in the slightest bit. I couldn't lose him. That would kill me the most. "I love you, James." I told him. "And I'm so sorry. I'll go with you to the movies." I heard his 'I love you' back to me and smiled. I wasn't going to lose him.