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One thing I always wondered was, why us? All I think any of us wanted to do was live normal lives; raise families, grow old and enjoy our last years in peace and quiet. I guess the gods had something else planned.2
I never believed in the gods, or the afterlife, or demons or angels like so many other kids did. Not until the day that I had the dream. Now, dreams and reality are made of different stuff, really. Apples and oranges, you might say. Dreams have no impact on our day to day lives, for the most part. This dream was different. It was different because everything in it, and I mean everything, came to pass over the next few years of my life. 3
There's an old legend among my people. It was old in the time of my father, and my father's father. It's always been old, as old as time itself, some say. The story goes that in the very beginning, there were two siblings, a brother and a sister, named Rundis and Silvana, and they were the creators. Rundis created the Earth, and everything on it. His children were the animals and the plants, the birds of the air and the fish of the sea; Silvana created everything in the heavens, and her children were the stars, and the moon, and the night sky.4
They each watched over their creation, the Earth, at different times. While Silvanus slept in the day, Rundis stood gaurd, and while Rundis slept at night, Silvanus kept the planet under her watchful gaze.5
Now, everything in the beginning was pure, and good by nature, for their creators were free of any evil. The plants and animals, birds and fish lived rightly according to their needs, and the sun and moon and all the stars, as well as the mountains, valleys and streams were beautiful to behold. Silvanus and Rundis ruled together peacefully, tending to their progeny and delighting in each other's company. However, since each lived in their own domain, Rundis on the Earth and Silvanus in the sky, they seldom got a chance to see their own creations as a whole. So one day Rundis said to his sister,6
"Sister, I do love to gaze upon your lovely face and your warm smile, but I must confess, I would very much like to look upon my Earth as you do for a while."7
"I feel much the same, brother." replied Silvanus. "Let us switch places for a day. But I warn you, Rundis, do not travel beyond the sun, for above that lies the realm of Death, where there is no warmth or light for as far as the eye can see."8
Rundis smiled, saying that he would, of course, stay in the space between the sun and the clouds, and so they were agreed. Silvanus descended from her place in the stars, and Rundis rose up beyond the clouds, and they each gazed upon their own creations in all their glory. But while Silvanus was quite contented with her brother's creation and all its splendour, Rundis quickly realised that his sister's domain was indeed far larger than his, and became envious. Suddenly, an idea came to him. If Silvanus was scared of this realm of Death, she would certainly never enter it. He would take it for himself. Perhaps then would he be satisfied with the expanse of his territory. 9
So he continued up, and up, until he reached the castleof the Sun God Verathose, Silvanus' first son, which is built on the sun itself. Verathose came out, and confronted him.10
"What are you doing so close to the forbidden lands, Rundis?"11
"And what is my business to you, Verathose?" Rundis replied, angry at Verathose for keeping him from his prize.12
"Everything, Rundis. My mother charged me with gaurding the gates of Death, so that nothing can wander in or out of the Realm of Shadows. It is dangerous, even for one as powerful as yourself. Many horrors that only I have seen lie beyond, but for one so pure as you, the things you would see might drive you mad."13
"I am too strong for that, Sun God. Everything material is at my command, every element and force. Beasts bow to me when I walk through the forest! The wind sings for me when it pleases me! The mighty storm and the endless sea are nothing but my playthings!" he said, defiantly. With that, he knocked the stout Verathose out of his path, and threw open the gates of Death. 14
In a single, terrible instant, every tainted thing imaginable escaped from their prisons, flooding out of the Realm of Death into the universe, and eventually reaching the Earth. Rundis was caught in the rush of plaque, madness and decay, and when the intitial wave was well over, he was dragged inside by the giant ogres that inhabited the place, for he had been momentarily weakened.15
Horrible, ugly creatures, creatures that ate flesh and drank blood, bred in the Realm of Death; often they would fight amongst themselves, and the strong killed the weak by the dozens in terrible brawls. They intended to eat Rundis, but he would have none of it. Using the strength and speed of a potent diety, he pummeled the strongest beasts there, killing them quickly and without trouble. He had to, to survive.16
Meanwhile Silvanus had grown worried. She felt the veil of death and sadness settle on the planet, and knew something was wrong. Most of all, she was scared for Rundis. She went searching for him, across the vast expanse between the sun and clouds, but could not find him. When she went to Verathose, and learned of what happened, she was horrified, but she couldn't go in. Verathose knew she was weaker than Rundis, and kept her back from the gate so that she wouldn't be overcome.17
Rundis was good, but even the righteous lose themselves in the void of Death. The contact with suffering and decay had damaged him in very subtle but serious ways, and in that land where everything was rotting and rusting, so was he. He was at first mournful, and wished to return home, but Verathose had locked the gates to prevent the shadows from spreading further. Then, he was angry. Angry at his sister for being so greedy as to keep such a large kingdom to herself, and leaving him with nothing but the beasts and the dirt; then, he was just alone. He eventually took a grim satisfaction in slaughtering the ogres and monsters, whom he thought of as vermin, and when there was nothing for food (for little grows that is good to eat in that place) he ate their flesh.18
What Rundis didn't know was that ogre's blood is addictive, and too much taints the mind and body. Eventually, he hunted them only for their blood- their blood and the sight of his victims in their death throes. Hisdespair and anger had overcome him, turned him funny. He wasn't the same anymore.19
Eventually, Silvanus was so frantic that Verathose could do nothing to stop her. She threw open the gates again, and went inside. Instead of masses of ogres and monsters, however, she found piles of bones and rotting flesh. She didn't have to travel far to find her brother, who was living in a cave not far from the entrance.20
"Rundis!" she said, "I've missed you. I thought you dead!" When she saw how pale and gaunt he had become, she was concerned. "But what's happened to you? You've become so weak and sick-looking in the time since we parted. What has this prison of evil done to you?"21
Rundis glared at her, his face barely illuminated by the light of his cooking fire. His words were sharp, and scathing22
"You were always so arrogant, sister. I'm stronger than I've ever been. This is MY domain now. I am the King." 23
Silvanus saw how dark her brother's heart had become. but she would not be detered. 24
"Brother, come back with me...There is nothing for you here but pain and loneliness..."25
Rundis stoutly refused, going into a horrible rage the likes of which Silvanus had never seen. She fled the place, returning to her home in the heavens. Alone once again, the dark god continued to wander across the wastes of that corrupt dimension.26
Soon, his loneliness overcame him, and he sought out companionship. He took seven of the most beautiful succubi, subduing them with his power and bedding all of them; soon they were each carrying a child.27
Even then, however, Rundis' hunger for pleasure wasn't sated, and so he took more wives for his entertainment.They gave him many children, but the first seven were born the strongest, and their names were Anger, Gluttony, Greed, Pride, Sloth, Lust and Envy.28
With no one to oppose him, Rundis made himself King, and he named his kingdom Hell.29
Even with all this power in his hands, Rundis' mind was not at ease. His anger had become hatred for his sister, and he meant to leave his seed on the planet that was now hers to watch over, a thing that would cause her much anguish to look on. He sent his firstborn sons to Earth, where, in hiding, they fashioned people from wood and dust and rock, and breathed life into them, and left them to fend for themselves. When they stumbled, naked and afraid, into Silvanus' sight, she was horrified and saddened, for the life given by a demon is nothing but animation, movement. The people had no emotion, nothing at all, within them; so she took pity on them, descending upon them and giving them each the kiss of true life, so that they could feel, and they did. 30
This, however, was exactly what Rundis knew she would do. The combination of dsrkness and light, now inherent in their very being, made these people easy to tempt. They carried with them the curses of those who wrought them from the Earth, and often it took over their senses. They waged wars, killed in cold blood, spreading waste and destruction across the pure Earth; those people, to whom Silvanus had given the gift of potential, made her cry. Those people were our ancestors, the origins of every culture that has ever been on our planet, and like them, we are of two parts: evil body and pure spirit. 31
I am one of those people who, in striving to purify the body, hope to end my suffering forever, and gain the knowledge to help others do the same. My name is Everial, and I am a monk.32
Author notes
A redone version of the opening for my novel. If you read it, PLEASE comment on it. Tell me if you want to see more or not. I need the feedback.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I LOVE this story. Very nice!!!!! I'm so incredibly sorry if I didn't respond very fast (and I know I didn't) my computers was messed up for a bit and I happend to log on but alas, it wouldn't let me comment. I really hope you write more like this. The one and only complaint I have is the spell checks. I hate to be such a meany, but it's a pet peeve of mine. BUT I have to say, this is one of the most awesome writes I've seen. Keep up the fantastic work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
~Kelsey~
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Wow...this was really good. I really liked the introduction at the end, it gave it a little mystery...and it was very detailed without becoming boring. This was way awesome.
-Leti
and sorry if I just commented like an idiot, i just woke up -
I think this is different than a lot of fantasy in a couple ways-- and to be honest, fantasy usually annoys me, but there are always a few exceptions and this is one of them.
Actually, maybe it's the difference in the sort of religous ideals it evokes.. this seems to me a lot more reminiscent of Christianity, or a least slighty more western ideals. I mean, on one hand, we've got all creation myth that pretty much stands on its own unless you want to get into all the ancient Greek and Roman shiznit, but when you start to talk about anger and gluttony and what have you, I get something more like Christianity or Judaism from it, because it seems pretty structured.. I think it's an interesting concept, that, cos it's a mix of creation myth and even semi-biblical "rules" ... not overtly, but it's in there I believe. Maybe it's just because I don't read much fantasy, but it seems like a lot of fantasy-ish stuff, at least what I've read, is more eastern or Asian influenced. And this is sort of aside that, which is cool.
I think it's well-written because it seems like you have a pretty good voice when it comes to storytelling.. you don't dwell on anything too much, or get to carried away with details-- there is just enough to create visualisation-- but you get to the point relatively quick. It's centered around the plot, and the ideology behind it, rather than the characters and the details. Which is how fantasy ought to be. But this is only chapter one, of course, so I don't know where this is going in that sense. It's exciting because it isn't too predictable in the way of plot.. at least not from this portion. There is room for expansion, and I don't feel like the next thing I'm going to be reading is just going to be a cliched version of something I already thought was going to happen, which is something that had sort of drawn me away with fantasy in the first place. But this has a lot of potential, I think.
I like the way you put the introduction at the end. Turbulence in a story is good, and I like that shift from present to "historic" and back to present, it gives the plot volume. And it's good, because you have to things to contemplate.. the entire history you've just read, and the character you've just met. So groovy.
Definately finish this.. I'm curious to see where this goes. I think it's got a great deal of potential, and it's very colorful and exciting. You're good at this. Stick to it. I'll be sure to check back.
Very nice, anyway.
~Hannah~ -
heyy clay... i liked this a lot.
if i were editing this piece i would omit the introduction and conclusion... the part where the narrator introduces the story and then at the end introduces himself. that does not appear to me to be central to the tale at all, and only distracts your readers from the main focus. the story itself is interesting... some of the language is too coloquial for my taste, and if you want to, you can email me the story and i'll discuss it more word for word.. in any event, great job, good concept. -
i really like it...I think it is great...i almost din't read because it was so long but I started to and i had to keep going. love ya
~julia~ -
This story rocks!!!
Hey, thanks for letting me know about your story. I think this is a great beginning, and it has a similar feel to a lot of the cultural creation mythos out there I have read, which is good. Great job!!! -
This makes my writing look like it was written by a five year old... You absolutely MUST add to this. Come to think of it, you should publish this too if you ever get the chance. There was a lot of detail put into this, and that is plainly seen. If you don't continue, I will be gravely disappointed
Great work with this and keep it up
Coconut
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