Painfully Enjoyable Memories

She sat quietly, the piercing silence tearing her limb from limb with every second that passed. She thought of him. His beautiful, hideous smile. The way he held her. The way he looked at her. The way he made her feel. And so many other things of the past that lingered in her thoughts. It had all happened almost two years ago and she couldn’t remember the reason for hating him that much, but what little bit she did remember, she wished she could forget.

The way he treated her was absolutely undeserved; it was based on lies, lies and more lies. The deceit not only affected her, but it affected how everyone else saw her-as a falseness that she didn’t want. The war between them spread to their close friends. Friends that they both shared. They were forced to choose, and regrettably almost all of them choose him. Her best friend of four years was no longer her best friend. That hurt her more than anything.

Her emotions drove her insane. She tried everything to hurt him the way he hurt her. That made her no better than him. And she knew that.

She still sat, still motionless, that boy still remaining in her mind. As thoughts of him scrambled around, the expression on her face changed. From an innocent smile to a wicked grin with demonic visions hovering in her bright, cerulean eyes.

One of the thoughts that processed around in that brilliant head of hers was a feeling that she never thought she would feel for him again. A feeling that she desired. Was it a sense of longing? Maybe. Was that feeling love?

No, it was lust. She didn’t miss him. She missed what they had. The lust, often mistaken for love, that they shared before the treachery. For some strange reason she craved for that feeling. That may not be a good thing. But for now, she was fond of the appetite for the emotion that brought on those painfully enjoyable memories.