INLA:PDR Ch. 1

Chapter 11

"I'll be, your crying shoulder..." As we danced millimeters apart to the tunes of Edwin McCain's "I'll Be", was when I realized I loved him. Deven and i had been together for 5 months. We went through so much together. As I hold him close, I think of the days before I knew he was the one who was sending me the roses. 2

My ex, Parker, had just died in a car accident. After a day or 2, I started getting roses and notes from a secret admirer. I also got a note that said that Parker had cheated on me from his best friend Brett, but it wasn't true; Brett just wanted me to come running to him for comfort. At first, that's what I did, and it felt good to be cared about by someone else than my family. Brett and I became really close. He told me everything and I told him everything. One day, I was crying into his shoulder, because I missed Parker, and he lifted my puffy red-eyed face, and he brushed his lips against mine and he told me he loved me. I couldn't believe it so I just cried harder. He seemed to hold me tighter after what he said. A couple hours later he finally got up the courage to ask me out. I didn't have a real reason to say no, so I didn't. 3

It wasn't really any different than before, besides the kissing and stuff. I still got the occasional rose and note from my secret admirer, but thought nothing of it. About a month after the day Brett asked me out, Deven started talking to me and we became good friends. Brett knew I felt for him and that Deven and I were just friends. One day, at the park, Deven just comes out and asks me how Brett and I came to be. So we talked about it. 4

"So Brett wrote you a note telling you about how Parker had cheated on you while you two were dating?" 5

"Ya, I asked him about it and the next day he called me and wanted to tell me that if I ever needed to talk, that he'd be there."  6

“So you called him I’m guessing? And you became good friends while the whole time he loved you, right?”7

“Ya, I didn’t find out until like a month ago. I was so shocked. And I can’t believe that Parker cheated on me.”8

“Uh ya, about that, he didn’t. Parker didn’t cheat on you; Brett’s lying/was lying.”9

“What!?! What do you mean Brett’s lying? He wouldn’t lie to me, he wouldn’t do that to me he loves me too much.”10

“Who did he say that Parker was dating?”11

“Monique Townsend, why?”12

“That’s his ex, not Parker’s, he asked her out about the time Parker asked you out. I can’t believe he lied to you about that.”13

“Are you sure that’s his ex?”14

“I’m positive, she used to be one of my good friends until she started dating him, then she stopped hanging out with me because of him; he didn’t like me.”15

As I started to cry, Deven put his arm around me. I couldn’t believe how much my life was getting pieced back together then falling apart again. It just was too much to take. The next day i confronted Brett and he told me what I knew was correct, so I broke up with him. I got more and more roses and notes till one day I got a note that asked me to meet the secret admirer about 2 months after breaking up with Brett and becoming great friends with Deven. I was happy to find that my secret admirer was my best friend.16

I even get tears now thinking of how my life was. To think how bad it was and how much Deven fixed makes me so happy, yet so sad at the same time; sad that I had to lose so many people to get him I was mostly happy to’ve found Deven, someone I trust. As I smile, the song ends and Deven sees my face. He wonders why I’m crying and smiling at the same time. I just say us, and he smiles too. 17

As the song changes to Ashlee Simpson’s “Pieces Of Me”, I take Deven out of the room to tell him how I feel. He sat down and I sat down right next to him. How was i supposed to tell him something he should know? As I sat there beside him, trying to figure out how to tell him how I felt he looked into my eyes and asked me what was wrong. I asked what made him think something was wrong. He tried to tell me.18

“Well, usually when something’s wrong, your brow gets all bunched up, your eyes become cloudy and fogged, and you mouth hangs slightly open.”19

“Well nothing’s wrong per say, I just have something well something I don’t know what to do about.”20

“Can I help at all?”21

“Well yes, but no.” I said slowly.22

“Well, I want to help, if it’ll cheer you up.” 23

“I know and thank you, but it’s a personal problem.”24

“What about?”25

“Well, us.”26

“What about us?” he said half not saying it, as if he didn’t want to know.27

“Well ok, we’ve being going out for 5 months, right? And we were friends for a long time before that, right? Anyways, while dancing with you, my head thought back to when you saved me from making a big mistake with Brett. I remembered how close we became after that. You were and are always there for me and well I love you. I just felt something click inside me after the song ended, that’s why I looked or look like something’s wrong, I didn’t know how to tell you.”28

“Wow, uh, I don’t know what to say besides I love you too. I always have, ever since I saw you the first day you walked into homeroom at the beginning of the year.” 29

“I figured you did since you sent me all those roses and notes and stuff.”30

“Ya I was going to say it to you on our 6 month anniversary, but since you said it, it helped me out ALOT.”31

“I’m so happy you love me too.”32

“How could I not love you, it’s you.”33

And with that, he kissed me. Although it was a gentle kiss, it seemed to mean more now that we were in love. I saw Brett glaring at him several times at the dance. I just smiled back at him, as did Deven. It felt good to see how he felt about Deven telling me about him. I can't believe someone I trusted was just trying to get me for his own personal reasons. And him, here with her, how could they still be together? Brett and Monique had never broken up. She, Monique, had gone out with Dean while they were “taking a break”. Dean was supposedly the hottest guy in school; I didn’t think so personally. 34

Once he came over to say hello to me with her. Brett glared at Deven while making small talk with me. Monique just stood there hanging off Brett like he was her life source or something. He didn’t seem to care, which bothered me the most. She said a few words now and then, but mostly just looked at me in anger and Deven in hate. Monique is one of those naturally pretty girls. She had past shoulder length dark brown hair, dark green eyes, naturally tan skin, a square like face, 5’8, and skinny. I could see why Brett liked her. She was a nice girl, but had just picked the wrong boy at the wrong time in my eyes. 35

Why are people such different people then they seem to be? Brett just wants someone to be with, and why he wanted me is a total mystery, but oh well. Anyways, after the dance, Deven drove me home; he just got his driver’s license. The dance was over at 11, but it got boring about 10:30 so he and I just decided to leave and go hang out at his house for a while. We ended up watching Punk’d. I love that show it’s funny. After that, he took me home. I was so energized yet so tired that I stayed up till 2 am just thinking about my past; mostly about Parker. Parker’s death will have been a year ago in June.36

He died in a terrible car crash. I only got a broken arm and a few cuts. He was leaning down to get something that he dropped. And boom, a drunk stoned driver hit him. It was a hit and run. Literally, the kid ran. He ran funny of course because of his stonedness/drunkenness. I picked up my cell phone and called an ambulance, since no one was around. It was there in two minutes and Parker was unconscious. They put him on a stretcher and asked me a bunch of questions. They said they thought my arm was just fractured but they’d have to get x-rays. All I really could think about was Parker and if he was going to live. He looked pretty bad. 37

All I can say is he didn’t make it through the next 4 hours. I didn’t cry of course, I couldn’t feel. I was shaking and shivering, like I was cold, but I wasn’t; I was just numb. That turned my world upside down for a while, but I wasn’t always alone. Brett came and “saved” me by caring for me; but before he did, I went around like I was a totally unable to wake sleepwalker. Life was a total blur for a while there, but now I see things oh so clear. Brett is a jerk and didn’t deserve me and never will. I think back on when I did think that there was actually something between us and how blind I was, and it’s infuriating; Brett didn’t care that his best friend had just died, all he cared about was getting what he wanted, the selfish bastard.38