She's hesitant about the next few weeks nearing that autumn are coming which meant school is going to begin one more time for her this year. Twelfth grade and she is so happy it will be the last. 1
Samantha is 18 and on her way in life. She has one thing holding her back from everything she looked as forward to as a child. Samantha is obese. All the cruel stairs, taunts, and having to go through life with very few friends, unless they were people just like her. It has been such a terrible life for her these past years. Samantha is a straight A student, and in the glee club, but she always dreamed of being a cheerleader and a swimmer, and all things that obese people can not be.2
Autumn seemed to be the part of year she hated the most. She is a summertime girl, likes the heat of the sun. Felt hesitant for cold weather days, and sort of depressed when it came to gloomy late December snows. In her little Virginia town, she does not have very many friends and it seems like she has nothing at all to keep her occupied. When Samantha was a child, she never gave the seasons of change any thought. She went on everyday having fun, playing like children do. She loved her elementary school days, had lots of friends back then. It all changed for her, seems it changed quicker than the blink of her glistening eyes.3
When Samantha was about eleven, she began to have the qualities that make a woman, a woman. She did not like the idea of her changing body. She thought why she couldn’t just stay the same as she has always been. Vibrant, glowing, athletic, full of excitement, she did not understand it all. It all came so fast for her. She began to have breasts, and body hair, and just like the rest of her friends, who said it was all normal, she just did not like it. 4
Samantha had no other choice than to deal with her changing body. She ate what she wanted, as her appetite grew bigger, she ate when she wanted, not knowing the consequences, or circumstances it may have on her later in life. When she was about to turn thirteen, she went to the doctor for her female checkup, and noticed that her perfect 110lbs had went way up to a 200lb mark. Samantha was so devastated. She was starting her first year in High School, and felt she was going to be ridiculed for her weight gain. As the year started she found out she was right, the friends she used to have were no longer her friends just because of the way she looked. She began to make new friends, whom everyone now started calling the "fat club." Samantha kept holding her head up high, and ignoring the terrible things people were saying about her, she was a strong young woman, she told herself. 5
As the years went by just like all the rest, she found it to be an old cycle. Way too many people judge what they see on the outside and her friends forgot what she was like on the inside before her changes. As her junior year rolled around, she was now 240lbs and still dealing with her appearance. Her education was the most important thing to her in the world, because she knew without that she would be nothing, and even more ridicule would come her way. Samantha tried diets, and exercising, she even tried to eat healthy, but nothing worked to help her lose weight.6
Samantha seemed to think something was really wrong with her, since she had such a hard time trying to lose her weight, and such an easy time gaining it on. She finally went back to the doctor before the start of her senior year. She found out then what was causing all this weight gain. Instead of the over indulging in high fatty foods, she had an overactive thyroid problem, which caused her gain her weight so fast. Her doctor then put her medication to slow down the weight gain and help her thyroid problem. Samantha felt much better, but the doctor also told her it was not guaranteed she would lose the weight just by taking the medication. 7
As the first day of her last year in high school, on that cool autumn day, she felt she had a little piece of hope down deep in her soul. She knew she would still be faced with the mean comments she always got in school, and she felt like she knew what she had to do to deal with it this one last year. Samantha talked with her school counselor and put together a group just for obese students in her school, so that she could help others who feel like her to feel better about them, and to confront the other students who had ridiculed the people like her. 8
It was the second month of school, when everyone was called to attend the program in the high school auditorium. She walked up to the podium, all obese students sitting behind her on that stage. She poured her heart out to all and everyone that day. She told them they all need to look on the inside of people, instead of looking on the outside. She put into force her views on some she knew had been the ones who poked fun all those years in her life. She made everyone in that auditorium feel the way she felt, or at least tried to anyway. At the end of the program her last words were this, "after all the stares, taunts, name callings, and fun you people have made of me and obese students like me, we don't need your friendship, you didn’t give us time of day, at 200lbs, don't give us time of day now, because we will make it the way we are, and we will have friends, just not the kind like you, and we will have careers, and families, we will have it all. You people may think you have brought us down. NO!! You have only made us much stronger. Thank you all for your time and attention."9
As the day went on after her speech, all her friends, who used to be her friends couldn’t even look her in the eye. Samantha felt that it was the best day of her life, she had helped a lot of people that day, expressed a lot of emotions she had held inside for so long, and accomplished one thing in life, on a list of 1000 things she wanted to accomplish. Samantha was it, she was the girl, and no other girl or guy had guts to be that day. She was so proud of herself and so was everyone else she helped. Be all you can be everyday and forever, amen.
Author notes
Option 5
I need critical views on this story. Please give me honest opinions, and if I need to make changes let me know what they may be.
A contest entry
- SW Presents--1000 Words or less--1 Month Gold and Silver Membership up for grabs by Violet Moodswing.
1500 points, ended November 16, 2007, 10 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - The Great Feast Of Options by Ayesha Raees.
220 points, ended October 19, 2007, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Enter whatever you want... by OkapiShomapi.
450 points, ended December 26, 2007, 31 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Best Short Stories (Will comment on every entry) by moonwriter.
300 points, ended April 25, 2008, 20 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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This was really good. It made me think a lot about the way people look at others. I also had to feel guilty. My friends have, not to their faces, made fun of the fat people. I've never actually said it, but I've thought about them in rude ways more than once. This piece will make me think twice before I even think those unkind thoughts
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Commentary
Well, the previous commentor saved me the hassle of being winded in the critiquing so I will say this....
For this to be only 1000 worded story, the imagery is subtle but present nonetheless. Keep penning -
"qualities than make a woman"
than should be that
"who everyone now started calling"
who should be whom
"she would loose the weight just by taking"
loose should be lose
Except for the minor errors listed above, I think this is a really strong piece. It has a definite message and it's conveyed by a character that many people can like. I'm curious, however, about the medication that she was given. Did she decide to take the meds and lose the weight? Or maybe she wanted to keep the weight and spread her messge as herself? I would like to know more!!
Again, great job. Thanks, and good luck!!
anny
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Thank you for the comment. I fixed the errors you pointed out, thanks by the way. I wanted to answer your question about the medication I mentioned in this story. It was Samantha's idea to take the meds, I wanted her to atleast be a character whom tries to lose weight instead of never trying. My main point in this story was TRY, sometimes you suceed, and sometimes you don't, but atleast you tried. Thats my point, I am glad you liked it.
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Good Story!
I can feel for Samantha. I think you did a pretty good job of developing her character. It might have been interesting if you had given her a friend who was not overweight and contrasted the two.
I think the story would read better if it was told from the past tense throughout.
Andy
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Nice story.
Very feel good at the end, with a great moal to it. A few things I noticed... 18 should be spelling out.. just something with smaller numbers, and 100(near the end) looking better in text. "stairs" in the next line should be stares. 110lbs/200lbs240lbs should be 'pounds'...it's either way on the numbers, though. Some prefer to see weight spelled out, but to me, it looks...heavy.
The tense used in telling this makes it seem more like a profile of sorts or description than a story.
Thank you for entering, and good luck in the contest. : -
The thing with people is that even with some things blocking our paths, we still trudge on
I think that's why people liken life to a "survival" 
I think a lot of people would be able to relate with this - highschool is not particularly good on everyone, but it IS a phase. I didn't study in the U.S. of A, so I've only heard or seen how they pick on the "heavier" people in movies - so I believe you've accomplished the feat of showing how people like that may feel.
However, this may be my personal feelings of point of view, but -please don't take me wrong, I did enjoy the story- I feel like the word limit sort of kept you from telling a real story, one that makes me FEEL things. I read this.. and reading this made me feel like I just read this, in contrast with some stories that make me think of past events, or remember some old feelings. I hope you don't take this as a hostile comment, I just am trying to give a constructive critcism.
A few other things:
You started off in the present tense, but proceeded to finish things in the past tense. I think that if you have to choose one, the past tense would work well ^_^
Also:
the qualities than make a woman, a woman
Than -> that
and I think the comma is not needed.
I hope that helped
If changes will be made prior to judgement, please contact one of the judges so we may reread and recomment Thanks so much for your entry and good luck with the contest ^_^
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mmm i like this story... a lot!
its very good, i love it.
but you need to read and check the story again as it has a lot of grammatic and spelling mistakes... though i make them too but everyone needs a good beta right? just be careful when you are writing or typing, sometimes people can make a lot of mistakes...
so just read your story again and you will spot a few of them...
also the flow of sentences were good but the flow of paragraphs that conected one another is considered revising.
I like the plot and the solution, it was a good thing that smantha stood for herself and voiced other people's thoughts too!
good job
and good luck in the contest!
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Couldn't get past the first paragraph
You have a great theme and I like the way you brought out some of her emotions. However, it is critical that your grammer flow better so that the reader is not stumbling over sentence structure and losing focus. For example: The first sentence might read better as: "She was hesitant, as the coming autumn signaled the start of school." It says it in less words. Keep at it. I like your vision.
plot: 4.
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Hmm...
Well, for starters, it's all in block paragraphs. A little more white space would be better for a reader's first impression.
It was an excellent story, and I would keep working on it. The trick is to get the reader to lose touch with the way you write, and instead focus on what you write. That was a little hard for me with this story. Like I said, more white space would help.
Good luck in the contest!
~Aya
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This is a really good story. It is written well and has a good viewpoint. I think you might add a little more to the speech. That would help it to be more of a surprise ending. Like, suddenly her friends realized how horrible they had been. Or add something shocking to make the story stand out. I can sort of relate to this feeling outcasted. Great write! I definately could relate to the character, as in she was described well.
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lets see
Interesting story. To be honest looking at the prompt this is exactly the kind of stories I thought they would get. Not sure if thats good or bad. On a personal note most of my pleasantly plump friends tell me they hate summer and love winter. Something about getting hot and sweaty really fast. Oh well, to each his own I guess. By the by I noticed a few grammatical hiccups. Odds are you were typing too fast to catch them, happens all the time, but since you are in a contest you want to show your best. I hope any of this helps. A little more detail with the friends who dumped her or a particularly mean tormentor would have been nice but not necessary.
When Samantha was about eleven, she begin (began)
She thought, why could'nt (couldn't) she just stay
the friends she used to have was (were) no longer her friends
terrible things people was (were)saying about her
since she had such a hard time trying to loose(lose) her weight
witch (which) caused her gain her weight so fast.
after all the stairs,(stares)
She was so proud of herself as(and) so (was) everyone else she helped(can end it here). was proud of her to.Be all you can be everyday.
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