Outside, the night is light
The stars are shining bright.
Inside, everything is dark
With no one willing to leave a mark.
Outside, the world is glowing
All the warmth is showing.
Inside, the snow lies lifeless on the ground
With no one at all around.
Outside, people stop and talk
Or join each other for a walk.
Inside, people isolate
Filling their hearts with hate.
Outside is what we all yearn
Inside is where we learn.
A contest entry
- The Poet's Challenge: Round X by Asfand.
175 points, ended October 9, 2007, 21 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Great ~
Loved the concept and depth here ~ a very nice entry regarding the whole theme.
It was very metpahorical and all, so, right in my alley ~
The rhyming was very stressed, in my opinion 'mark' 'dark' 'walk' talk' some of these are so forced into the poem. They just seem out of place and at these words you lose you rmeaning and stray form your actual focus ~
Other then that, you ahve an excellent theme ~
Good luck and thanks for entering ~
Title ~ 8/10
Depth ~ 9.6/10
Imagery ~ 12.1/15
Format ~ 7.6/10
Feeling ~ 8/10
Theme ~ 18/20
Flow ~ 11.6/15
Understanding ~ 10/10
Total ~*~ 84.9/100 -
Why can't those inside go outside, are we talking prison or something? Slightly confused - does not compute Bzzz bzzz!!
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lol... um metephorically speaking, I guess it can be a "prison" - of the mind.
The poem is more "spiritual" than anything - it's not to say that we can't go outside... just that we need to find ways through the barriers (in this instance the barriers are represented by the term "inside") to find our ways there.
(Does that help?)
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