They say that at the moment of death you see your past flash before your eyes. You see your entire life, leaving nothing out of your mind before you leave the land of the living for the better place. For some it's pleasant to see the events during your life in your final moments, for others it isn't as good.
Sadly I fall into the lesser of the catagories.
For me I saw his face. Everything else was a blur, almost not even remotely important to me, but for some reason his face stuck out to me like a nail.
I could see his bright smile. The smile he always wore as he waited at the school gates when the children poured out of the small building where classes were held. It was so warm and kind. He looked like a child himself amongst all of the children when he smiled for them.
Then I saw those gentle amber eyes, filled with so much love and even more life.
Yes, those eyes, the eyes of the man I once looked up to. The eyes of the man I used to dream of surpassing. The eyes of the man who betrayed his own people and family.
The eyes of a murderer.
I saw his face changed, spattered with thick red patches of the blood of his people. His smile was long gone and his eyes had lost all of their warmth. The way they looked on so coldly, it felt like an ice storm.
I couldn't comprehend why he looked as he did. He looked like the devil himself standing there in the raging flames that engulfed his village and with all the corpses piled at his feet. He looked like the devil, but at the same time I couldn't picture him, of all people, like that.
Not him.
My heart sank and tears filled my eyes as he pulled his blood soaked sword from a woman's corpse.
Her eyes were void of life and her arms were wrapped around another man's middle. I knew that she was lying beside her lover, her husband, the father of her child. I knew all of that because the man lying by her side was my father and she was my mother.
He stared at me for a long while with his now dull eyes, not doing anything whatsoever. He turned his back from me and sheathed his sword. I watched as he walked down the main road away from the village, leaving me amongst the bodies of the dead.
I didn't know how it happened but before I knew it I laid beside my parents as well and I continued to watch, even though I knew I was dying, as he walked away from the carnage.
Why?
Author notes
Alrighty! This is a short story for Tenshi in my story Demonic Awakening. You'll get the full story later in the series because he does end up telling it in full blown details, but here is a shortened version. It's a very sad story about him and mystery man! I can't tell you anything yet because it will ruin the story later on! Hope you liked it!
In a list
A contest entry
- anything you like by Inanu.
115 points, ended February 20, 2008, 16 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - How many trophies can you earn? by UnEdibleChick.
420 points, ended March 22, 2008, 8 entries
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Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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wow!
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For some reason I thought your wording was great in this piece, stood out. I really liked it, is it a part of a series?
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That was really good and extremely haunting. Kind of sad too. Nice spelling and punctuation as well.
dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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I thought it was great.
I can't wait to read more now!
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Thank you! I'm really glad you liked it!
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I loved this story. This was an excellent story. Good job.
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I'm glad you liked it!
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OKay, now I've gotta read the rest. This was excellent. I could really SEE the traitor in my mind's eye. Really good job.
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Haha, that's right my lovely. Fall in love with my work and get sucked in!!! lol, well just go and read 'Demonic Awakening' and around chapter 10 things are gonna get explained.
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This is really good tipsy! I enjoyed reading it. Don't worry, you're lovelies are safe!
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Thats what I thoughted. Oh and thank you for your complement! It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside!
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very nice
it was really goog it reminded me of a book i was reading !cool -
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Thanx. I do work hard to impress a little.
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his face stuck out to me like a nail.- why does a nail stick out? maube it could be a nail that is not fully hammered in, or one that you snag on?
and i do like this... such a creative mind you possess, thank goodness you are putting it to good use! lol.
oh and i also wanted to point out. -i think i like this more that it was disruptive.- when the story starts it sound like a reflection... that the death was a while ago and not the present. very tricky writing if that was purposeful but if not it was cool anyways. -
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It was on purpose, trust me. You'll find out who mystery man is and what this is really about. I'm glad you liked it!
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wow. this is very good i like it alot. i cant wait for chapter three to be put on so i can read it. good job with this.
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I'm almost done with it. Just going through and checking for errors. It will be up next weekened.
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I applaud for your line of topic, your paragraphs and spelling. Punctuation is good except I feel the last sentence is too long, also some of your sentences could be put in a different way to make them more direct.
language: 2, plot: 4.
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Awesome
Another great story. This reminded me of something I'd see in an anime. I really liked it, especially how the eyes got colder and the cutting down the people part, that was vivid to me.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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