The clock’s sour song rung in my head
The sound, above all, that I dread
It’s almost time to again, put on my face
It’s almost time for all true emotions to erase
False smiles bring shattered truths
Truths I wish I could somehow lose
My time is almost done
Sadly I know this battle is not won
Author notes
I have read the rules and if I qualify for the Round 1, I will continue onwards to the finals.
A contest entry
- The Poet's Challenge: Round X by Asfand.
175 points, ended October 9, 2007, 21 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Mysteriously so ~
Rather shy and mysterious ~
It seemed as if you were hiding something, a sort of a question and curiosity plays in a reader's mind ~
However, 'boom' the write ends there and then ~ with nothing to contemplate on or hand onto ~
I believe I could not decipher your meanings very well ~ It was almost too ambiguos, and this is the first time I used 'too' and 'ambiguous' in the same sentence ~
Nice entry ~ but lacking strength ~
*The clock’s sour song rung <-- (rang) in my head*
Good luck and thanks for entering ~
Title ~ 9/10
Depth ~ 6.9/10
Imagery ~ 10/15
Format ~ 6.5/10
Feeling ~ 8.1/10
Theme ~ 14/20
Flow ~ 12/15
Understanding ~ 9/10
Total ~*~ 75.5/100
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Co-Judge Callthexylophone
"rung" should be "rang," I believe. The first line was fantastic, the rest of the poem was a little.... cheesy. I don't mean that it was a bad poem, but it's obviously a poem with a deeper meaning, but you never reveal it, so the reader just gets a sense that you're trying to be mysterious or feel sorry for yourself. That first line is BANGING though. Good stuff.
Title ~ 9/10
Depth ~ 4/10
Imagery ~ 5/15
Format ~ 7/10
Feeling ~ 4/10
Theme ~ 12/20
Flow ~ 10/15
Understanding ~ 1/10
Total ~*~ 52/100 -
Ooh, love the imagery.
*hugs tight and makes you dance with me* You're not gonna die! I'll save you! ^^
+Sis+
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