Walking along a thin dirt path she wandered aimlessly, wondering why. Why had David been depressed? Why had he gone and killed himself? Why had he left her alone in this cold world?2
She began to question her own existence. Everyone’s existence in life. Life itself she was questioning, though she expected no answer.3
What do I have in life anymore? She wondered. I’m not religious, I have no God to cling onto. All I have is David, only now I no longer have even him. Now that he’s gone I have no purpose. No one has any purpose. Humans never have. We live, we experience pain, we laugh, we work, bring in a new life so they too can question their existence, and we die. We die leaving our loved ones to fend for themselves. Some may live in bliss, some obsessed with money, a worthless piece of paper and cloth that for some reason has value, some live a lonely life on the streets, and others are left with only pain and hurt and eventually ending their agony and move along in the circle of life and into a new world to wander; death.4
Some people believe in Heaven and Hell, some that we will go onto another life, never able to remember the marvelous experiences or the hurtful losses felt in this world, while others think that when we die it all ends. That we go nowhere. I mean, she thought, when we die, why should we be given another chance to screw things up in another world? Why shouldn’t we just be allowed to stop in this seemingly never ending cycle?5
But she isn’t sure yet in what she believes in. she now wonders what David’s beliefs were. He hadn’t yet decided what he believed in either.6
Why, she thought. Why did he have to leave me here? Tears were streaming down her cheeks over her loss. She was so caught up in her deep thoughts that she was unable to hear the low whisper in her ear, or feel the cool breeze around her.7
Feeling it now she snapped out of her thoughts, more alert, listening. She felt around her a familiar presence, but couldn’t quite place it.8
After awhile of waiting she finally decided to leave the dark shadows of the Evergreens. The memories of being here with David were too strong and still too fresh for her.9
10
*
12
Months have passed since David’s death but still she seemed dark and miserable, aching for him. Circles under her eyes showed the lack of sleep she’d been receiving. Every night she had haunting nightmares of David’s death, images that stayed cruelly in her mind, leaving her only with more questions with why.13
Why was she having these dreams? Why was David haunting her like this? Why couldn’t she just forget that this had ever happened and move on? Why couldn’t she ever seem to finish these dreams? She always seemed to wake up feeling as if there was more to the dream than what it seemed. Either way, she couldn’t seem to figure it out and the nightmares continually left her crying and trembling each night she had them.14
Finally she couldn’t take it anymore. Each day the pain and heartache only grew until it was too great for her to contain.15
Earlier she had purchased a gun. She strode slowly to the park, lost deep in thought again, her eyes appearing glazed. Anyone who lay eyes upon her turned away, not able to look at her and shivered, as if they felt a small version of her pain which strongly emanated from her thin body.16
When she finally reached the park she leaned against one of the Evergreens, closing her eyes. Memories of David and her laughing together, falling over into the bushes with her on top of him. Him playfully rolling over and pinning her to the ground, kissing her lovingly. His dark hair fell across his now serious green eyes as he told her his fears, hopes, dreams, and love for her. She told him the same about herself, not yet concerned for all the things he had told her. Not until it was too late did she think about the strange things he had said.17
She let out a short gasp, opening her eyes and sinking to the soft, mossy ground, trying to forget these memories that caused her so much grief.18
Taking out the loaded gun from her shirt pocket she placed it to her temple, trembling. Just at that moment however, a boy her age, maybe older walked up to her, kneeling down beside her. He had seen the gun but made no move to stop her.19
He just looked at her and their eyes locked. He was the first person in months who could meet her gaze, who held it until she looked away.20
“Why?” he asked, gray eyes concerned.21
Strangely feeling the need to tell this stranger she explained to him the unbearable nightmares, the horrible pain.22
He sat silently for a few moments and for some reason she waited for his response.23
“Why don’t you replace new memories over the old instead of focusing on forgetting them? If you do decide to try, maybe I could be included in them,” he said.24
She sat there, wondering what to do. Could she love another guy in her life instead of David? Would David be able to forgive her if she did? This is crazy, she thought. I just met this boy and I don’t even know his name. Even considering having a relationship with him and forgetting David would be incredibly foolish. But still, that little piece of new found hope lingered in her mind.25
She lay the gun down in her lap, though her finger still held the trigger. The boy tilted his head sideways in a curious way that made her smile for the first time in so long. He smiled back.26
“There we go. I don’t know what exactly got you to smile but something did. My name’s Tevin,” he told her.27
“I-I’m Summer,” she stuttered, still undecided of what she would do.28
“Come on,” he said, standing up and holding out his hand.29
She stared at him for a moment, hesitating. He waited for her patiently, though a little anxious.30
Dropping the gun beside her she took his hand and he helped pull her up.31
As the two walked away, Tevin’s arm around her shoulder, a boy with dark hair and green eyes stood watching, a content expression on his face and a small smile played on his lips.32
A light wind blew around him, and the fall colored leaves created a gentle current encircling his form and his presence disappeared.33
A cool breeze blew near Summer’s ear as she walked with Tevin and she heard a soft whisper of David’s voice. “Live happily,” it said. “With him.” She smiled, resting her head on Tevin’s shoulder, letting out a carefree laugh that matched his as they finally reached the entrance of the park and walked away.34
Adding your comment:
I lost my first husband to suicide. Though we weren't in love it was still hard because we've known each other for years.
