If only...

Here we are in the sky above the ground, in this car upside down.1

I catch a glimpse of your beautiful face and notice a drop of tear along your cheeks.2

How much I long for one kiss…but my seat belt forbids me…on hug just to embrace you with all that I am…its still to early… I’ve waited so long for you to hold my last name…and here we are…airborne…I wish I could speak but how can I, how can I speak after what I’ve done…I’m pulling out my hand for you…please grab it give me this satisfaction…please…will the air bags help???…But there aren’t any on your side…3

Your ashen wedding dress, how much I waited for you to wear it.4

Remember that night? The shiny armor? The white horse? …The ring?   You where so happy you cried…25 years of waiting…why? It’s my fault… and yet you grasp my hand when I needed it…your hand is warm…I can see the road again, this only means our stay will soon end…I have to say it… but I’m mortified to speak…so little time…5

I hear your voice calling my name…Fadi…Fadi…your shaking… I can hear your heart beating…all is black… I unlock my eyes to witness a blurry image of a red liquid streaming down the road to finally create this lake…the airbag deflates…6

I can still hear you, calling my name.7

I can still hear your heart beating with difficulty.8

I can hear you cry.9

I can still feel your warm hand shaking. 10

I turn my face to observe your beauty, only to see your wedding dress colored in red.11

Your wet bloody lips move again only to whisper what you’ve told me a thousand times before…12

I love you… as your tears spill from your eyes to the ground…my soul controls my body…and I cough the words out of my mouth…I love you too13

I am not worthy…14

Suddenly my name doesn’t come out of your mouth…15

Your sweet cry stops…16

Your hand it stops shaking…17

And your tears seized… 18

I’m happy you found the courage within you to fight this fear…19

We will get through this I say…20

…21

Something’s missing…your hand…it’s…colder…22

I can’t…hear…your heart…23

…24

Your eyes are staring in such emptiness…25

Lely?!26

Lely?! 27

Why?28

If only I paid more attention…29

If only I didn’t buy this car…30

If only I avoided that road…31

If only I listened to you…32

If only I…33

Never lived at all…    34