My Wings

Today I was given wings!!!! Wings that would allow me to fly….usually, but how can I fly without wind? And how can I fly without breath? How can I breathe with no heart?!1

Today I felt like I didn’t need the wings that I was given. Because the love he vowed and the love I vowed would pick me up and take me higher than what I’d ever believe.2

On Saturday, we lay together, him and I. Completely innocent and accompanied by others in the room, but still, we lay. I had him lying beside me for more than an hour! Him looking at me, me looking at him. Talking idly about things of no importance. I grew accustomed to the smell of his bed, and I loved it as I loved him. That day, I knew not the ground, nor knew what it was, nor how I reached it.3

That night, at home while lying on my bed, I woke up thrice to find myself searching for him to my left. I truly believed that he would be there…..but when I looked and saw air in his stead, I was filled with grief and loneliness, knowing that he would not miss my presence that night. I knew that he would not notice my absence, for first he must’ve noticed my presence.4

And while I lay there in his bed, I thought, perhaps he loves me….perhaps he will remember the way that it felt to have me lying by his side. The way that the light played with my hair and the smile on my features. Perhaps he will realize that I am more to him than just a friend.5

Or perhaps it’ll be another he sees. Perhaps I will only remind him of another woman, a past lover, he enjoyed one night and at the breaking of dawn, the light played with her hair. Perhaps this is what he will see (frightened)!6

And home I went disappointed, for it was not me who he saw, but the lover he once wanted. And that night I turn to my left and he was not there. And then I wished profusely that at that moment he was thinking of me. That my scent had lingered on his bed, clinging to his sheets, tormenting him with the thought of his arms embracing me. That his gut was being wretched from within. And from there my mind to me to places unknown. Fueled by imagination.7

But alas! The next day I found a message of love and impatience from my beloved. Asking if it be a sin to miss the touch of a person. To wish for the smile or kiss, that brings light to your day! 8

Oh! Such joy this letter brought me! And lo and behold the feathers sprouting from my arms! And such beautiful wings! 9

Oh how I’ll fly about and away! Beginning my journey among the clouds….loving this bliss, and searching for oblivion.10