‘’One’’ and ‘’1’’ bump into each other one night at a seedy side lane bar. This was a place if you didn’t want to smell vomit, you had to drink. And if you didn’t want to drink, you vomit because of the awful smell.
The moment they’ve noticed each other, One thought 1 was amazing. She seemed intelligent, reliable, certain, and maybe even the real one. One on the other hand was shy, misunderstood and emotional. He just stood there for a moment, gazing at her with admire, also wondering why she ended up at this god awful place.
‘’Are you trying to be me?’’ asked 1.
‘’No’’ said One. ‘’This is just who I am, this is who I’ve always been.’’
‘’We’re not the same though… I can solve things, you can’t.’’ said 1, very proud of her own purpose.
One felt worthless at the presence of 1, ashamed of his own meaning which only existed by 1’s entity. He also couldn’t help wondering whether she also felt the same way.
‘’I’m lonely.’’ said One, ‘’it’s painful to be lonely, can you solve this?’’
1 didn’t reply and felt silent. She was also lonely, but her pride made her keep this as a secret… Secrets must be lonely she thought to herself.
‘’Maybe we can be friends.’’ said One timidly.
‘’We can’t be together.’’ said 1, ‘’there can only be one one, it’s the rule.’’
‘’I love you.’’ said One for no reason.
‘’How much?’’ asked 1 without a delay, as if she was already expecting this.
‘’A lot.’’
‘’Can you prove it?’’
‘’I can’t.’’ said One, lowering his head.
‘’Then it’s worthless. It’s the rule.’’
‘’Can you solve it?’’ asked One.
‘’I already have.’’ answered 1.
One came closer to 1, when they stood next to each other; they both realized they became ‘’a 1one’’.
Author notes
I particulary like this story of mine because it is a story which can only be read in order to be understood, and wouldn't make any sense if told.
A contest entry
- Short and Sweet by abba12.
175 points, ended October 2, 2007, 38 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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This is such a cool, interesting piece. I've never read anything like it before, like never. It's not the typical 'girl meets boy' romance, it's not even a romance at all. (Yes, I'm confusing myself) Let's just say it was fantastic, short and sweet.
You have a very creative mind, as well as a descriptive one too. 'One came closer to 1, when they stood next to each other; they both realized they became ‘’a 1one’’.' Maybe you should say 'as one' but I might just be intruding in your amazing construction. -
I liked it, it was cool how One felt worthless while 1 dominated since she is all about solving stuff.Great job.
P.S. 1one is a win win!
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 3, characters: 5.
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Wow, very nice!!
I like how you played with 1 and One, and made One's existence a consequence of 1's entity.
The ending was absolutely awesome, how they were both alone and then became a 1one.
I do think it would be better if the story was longer and the dialogue was a little bit intenser, some more character building perhaps. Then the build-up towards the end would be longer too and the clever ending would seem even more clever!
All-in-all cool story, you obviously have a creative mind!
Keep it up!
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Interesting. Perhaps an edit would fix up some grapmatical and phrasing issues...in a story like this phrasing and flow needs to be perfect in order for the reader to understand what is happening and not get distracted. I think a little more explaining might be helpful as well: I was a little confused by the end...what were the rules, and who made them?
Anyway, a unique idea, and a potentially great story, after it has had a little work
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Your right if i read it out loud it would be so so confusing... really... Im a little lost it was really confusing ha ha yet entertaining and reminds me of math class at its worst. i think i got it 1 and one want to be the only one per say... wow what made you think of this and come up with it??? this is really something and i like it alot... it makes me think
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You say this story wouldnt make any sense if you told it to someone... well to be fair it doesnt make unquestionable sense to read it either, lol, I loved it though. I loved how it started, you really set the scene of the bar room well, although maybe a little grossly with all the vomit. This piece flows so well. Im not sure whether its happy or sad though. I felt sorry for One and 1 being both so lonely but in the end 1 was able to swallow her pride for a happy ending. I liked One's repeated question of 'can you solve it?' Im sure this is a question that is involved in a lot of relationships. It was very well written, well done.
X Amber X
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"admire" = "admiration"
Love this line:
"..ashamed of his own meaning which only existed by 1’s entity..."
Hilarious!
Great ending! (chokes on laughter -
the ending was very nice. I think this was interesting. you should keep writing, even if it's on a different topic. this was amazing!
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I liked the ending to this. It was a fun and creative story. I also liked the line "secrets must be lonely" Certainly true, though a very sad thought. Anyways, I agree with a previous comment that the setting doesn't really fit the story. The whole time I read it I didn't picture the seedy bar... actually I don't think I pictured a setting at all lol. Anyways, an interesting read.
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Genre crash, but fun
The start has the heavy, seedy, atmospheric setting, which seems quite out of place with the gimmicky fun of the number / word clash. I was also looking for a "2two" at the end, and agree that "admire" should be "admiration".
This is a fun piece.beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 1, ending: 2, dialog: 3, characters: 2.
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I liked the idea behind this. The metaphorical story is something I'm sure most of the readers will be able to identify with. Although the story base was well thought out and interesting in context, the wording in places could have been better in my opinion.
At the beginning of the second paragraph, I think it should be 'the moment they noticed each other'. Near the end of the paragraph it should be 'gazing at her with admiration'.
Further on in the story it says
'‘’I love you.’’ said One for no reason.'
This didn't sit right in my opinion because with such a strong statement as "I love you" it must be said for some reason. I don't know if you meant suddenly, or out of the blue, but for no reason just seemed poor wording choice in my opinion.
What I did think was interesting is how you said they became "a 1one" at the end. This is different to how I, and I'm sure many people would have described it. I would have said two. I also found it intriguing that 'a 1one' looks like alone, and as being lonely was a major fact to both 1 and one, it seems somewhat ironic. Maybe I'm reading too much in to it, but this was just something I picked up personally.
Thanks for sharing,
keep writing.
beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 3.
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i like it a lot. it was very interesting.
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A little sad
Maybe if they really joined together they could become "as one" or maybe during the relationship they change and become two. Nice story.
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LOL, i love this, its so cute, but in a sad way. hehe very well done
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Aha, VERY clever! This was awesome, but sad, but also funny, but also kinda depressing... lol Great job.
"Secrets must be lonely[,] she thought to herself."
Great job and good luck in that contest.
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oooh very clever. i liked this... it was confusing but i understood it. the ending was kinda sad because they were ALONE but... i guess it was clever. actually, it was really cool.
hehe great story XD
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