The Musings of a Child

Who is God?

How old is he?

And where can I find him?

If I ask him a question, will he give me an answer?

God doesn’t lie, does he?

Does God even exist? Maybe someone made him up because they were lonely, like an invisible friend.

Mommy talks to God sometimes, she talks to lots of great people that live in heaven.

Maybe I should talk to God?

Daddy talks about God, he talks about my older brother, Jack. Daddy tells me that Jack is one of god’s special angels.

From what daddy tells me, Jack was kind and nice to everyone, I would like to meet my angel brother one day, to talk face to face, instead of talking the pictures daddy has of him.

Mommy holds daddy’s hand when he talks of my angel brother, she loves daddy lots and lots; she gives him lots and lots of kisses too.

Mommy would like to meet daddy’s angel son, and my angel brother too, we even visit his grave sometimes.

They seem sad when we go there.

I tell them not to be, he’s with the angels now.

Mommy tells me about my grandmother, and how beautiful she was, she and my granddad are together now, daddy says that their looking after Jack for us.

Daddy says heavens a nice place, having been there a few times himself.

Mommy’s been to heaven too.

Does that mean that you can bring people back from the dead?

Mommy and daddy talk about someone called Mac too, they tell me he was a friend of Grandpa George, or is it was; now he’s in heaven?

Tonight before I go to bed I will talk to God, and ask him about Jack and my grandmother and my granddad.

I hope they’re all okay?

Did I tell you how mommy wakes up crying some nights, and how daddy’s always by her side: telling her that everything will be alright!

Daddy’s right most times, but mommy’s the smarter one, sometimes I’m smarter than daddy, he calls me a ‘smartass’.

What is a smartass anyway?

Sometimes I stay with Auntie Meg, or she’ll stay with us at my house. She tells me stories about her mommy, Janice.

My mommy cries about Janice sometimes, but she visits her grave alone, sometimes she’ll go with daddy, I wonder when mommy will take me?

Auntie Meg says I would’ve liked Janice, I believe her.

Janice helped sick people, it’s nice to now that if she were here she would’ve cured my chicken pox.

Auntie Meg’s funny sometimes, she tells me about growing up, it sounds icky, she tells me about god, and how some people pretend to be god.

It makes me sad that people will do that!

Is it wrong to play god?

Sometimes I get scared, Aunt Meg says it’s okay to be scared, everyone gets scared, and that makes me feel better to know that brave people like my daddy get scared too.

It makes me feel brave.

What is sex?

Mommy and daddy talk about it sometimes, when they think I’m not listening, Aunt Meg said that sex is for people much older than me, but for people younger than mommy and daddy.

Meg says it’s noisy and real messy; she makes it sound gross and com-p-li-cat-ed.

I promise never to have sex, what ever it is.

Mommy and daddy must have sex; they make the noises Meg made when she told me what it sounded like.

Maybe they can tell me what sex is?

I’ll ask mommy tomorrow when she wakes up, unless daddy wakes up first.

It’s late so I have to go to bed now, otherwise daddy might get mad at me because I stayed up pasted my bed time again.

Mommy always laughs at daddy when he tries to get mad; he can never stay mad at me though.

Daddy’s just a big softie.

I promise that tomorrow I will talk to God, and ask him questions about my angels.

It’s too late to talk to him now; I might fall asleep when we start talking.

Goodnight,

Annie

Oh no, now I need to pee…