An hour before the sun set Daylon paced the floor of his chambers. He took no notice of the dinner of roasted lamb and greens that sat on his writing table or of the brilliant colors that danced on his wood floors from the colored glass window. All of his thoughts were on the journey ahead. He may not be going, but his son would be and that worried him. Darion in his opinion, had a weak character. Making decisions did not come easily to him and when he was under pressure his mind stopped working. Daylon could not understand it. Darion’s brother wasn’t much better. Derry’s impulsiveness and indecision got him into trouble more time then the Leader wanted to count. He stopped at his writing table to study the maps he had on top laying open on top.
Forthroan glanced up from studying one particular map, “Daylon what is it?”
“I keep thinking about Darion. I’m not sure sending him is a good idea. But on the other hand sending Derry would be a bigger mistake.” He shook his head. “I’m just worried. I’m sure he’ll be fine.” He tried to convince himself.
I know how you feel old friend, Forthroan thought to himself about Siren. He kept the thought to himself. Instead he said, “Maybe Darion will grow and gain confidence in himself.”
Maybe, maybe.”
Daylon muttered. He bent over the map, “have you a route to travel?”
“Yes, I think the safest way would be to travel south through the land. Then when we reach Windhill cliffs we will head east through them. Cross the Lake of Mist and from there a straight line south to the Mists.”
“Sounds good, but what of the Gnome’s Watchdogs at Stonemont and the pixies at Cloud’s Veil?” Daylon questioned.
“Myth my friend, just a myth. If there are pixies, they are not to be worried about. Rumor has it that they are luck to travelers if one is lucky enough to see one.”
“Lets hope so. Be careful nonetheless.”
“I’ll take my leave then. Will you there to see us off?”
“Yes, I’ll be there.”
Forthroan left him to worry about his son.
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1 - 7 of 7
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Okay. I think you have a talent for fantasy... there is some improvement that could be done a bit in terms of your dialogue and fleshing out your scenes a bit more but i think as you develop your writing style it will work out. I'm liking how this story is going
plot: 4.
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I'd love to see a map of this world. This is going to get really interesting. I really like what you've done with this story so far. Yes, there are mistakes here and there, but that's what editing is for.
Nice work!
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Guess I need to go through this one. I really hate when spell check doesn't pick these things up. Thanks for reading and for commenting. I'll have to think about drawing up a map.
Brooke
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As the journey continues... lol.
Okay, so it's all pulling together and raising more questions along the way. This is good.
You've quite a few spelling or grammar mistakes, but I think that's largely because you haven't gone over it again. You can fix most of these problems if you just reread it. lol.
I like it, and as always, I demand more! lol.
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I forgot to reply. Sorry about that. I always try to get in there and do that.
I guess my spell check didn't pick everything up. Will go back and take care of those. Thanks
Brooke
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Oh cool! Okay, till now, of all the stories of yours that I have read, this is one of the most captivating and thrilling.
The moment I started reading, the emotions played in my fingers. It flowed with such ease, like a river and I really mean that. Really nice job!
“Sounds good, but what of the Gnome’s Watchdogs at Stonemont and the pixies at Cloud’s Veil?” Daylon questioned.
huh?? that sort of left me mind-boggled.
Aww! I have to read more, I have to know what happened? About the journey? Eek, post the next will Brooke!!!
Another job well done!
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You are going to make me 
, but thank you. I really do hope that you read the parts 1-8 so you'll have some background. I am working on the prologue some more.
I think that sentence about the gnomes and pixie were just problem that they are going to face.
Thanks for the praise
Brooke
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