Chapter Twelve - Aurora

The fluorescent lighting hit my eyes causing them to water so I shut them quickly and groaned. My head was pounding only it didn’t feel like a hangover this time. The last things I recalled were the strange events from a few moments ago, someone was trying to get in to my home. I opened my eyes again and waited for them to adjust, I was no longer in my apartment. In a panic I sat up and looked around for something familiar.

“Aurora?” I turned towards the voice to find Hyun sitting by my side looking unshaven and still wearing the same clothes from the last time I’d seen him. “Where am I?” I mumbled, my throat felt dry and raspy, it hurt to swallow let alone speak. He edged forward in his seat and placed his hand on mine, “its ok, you’re in the hospital…you had a nasty fall.” I looked at him confused, remembering the panic I felt when I couldn’t find him and moved my hand away. Had he been there I was sure that I wouldn’t be in this mess right now, perhaps I was being unreasonable in thinking that way but I was still angry at him for disappearing when I needed him. “How long have I been like this?” He sat back and ran his hand through his short black hair before replying, “A day, not even that…what happened to you?”

“You said I fell over so I guess that’s what happened…where were you Hyun? I was looking for you everywhere.” He looked at the floor and shuffled his feet; I couldn’t understand why he was so reluctant to answer me. I sat up slowly and turned to face him, something was wrong and it wasn’t like Hyun to lie to me. He sighed heavily and then finally answered, “I was right there Aurora, right next to you the whole time, it was like you didn’t see or hear me, the last thing I remembered was seeing you run out of the kitchen with a knife in your hand….you caught your feet on the rug in the hall and fell over…I tried to catch you…I’m sorry.”

I stared at him for the longest time unsure of how to react; I didn’t believe what I was hearing. He wasn’t there, he was lying. If he had been I would have seen him, how can he look me in eyes and lie like that? “Aurora, what happened? Do you remember anything?” leaning forward and placing his hand on my knee I could see the look of sincerity in his eyes. Could he be telling the truth? Had he really been there all that time and had I simply missed him? What was happening to me? And how could I tell him what happened without sounding completely insane? “I don’t remember,” Was the only reply I could muster, “I need you to find a Dragomir Bandas…I think he’ll be able to tell us both what’s going on.”

“Who is this guy?” Hyun sat back looking baffled and frustrated, he had the sort of expression that one would make at the whiff of sour milk; I tried to suppress my amusement. Instead I lie back and reach over for the glass of water by my bed, sipping it slowly I sighed in enjoyment as it left a cool wet trail down my throat soothing the dry pain that pulsated unmercifully. “Someone left this for you,” Hyun placed a small white envelope with my name written on it in small rushed handwriting. I didn’t examine it for long before tearing it open and pulling out what seemed to be a letter consisting of two pages. I read the first page:

"Dear Dawn,

I am so sorry that I wasn’t there, I’m even sorrier that you had to experience this by yourself. I will be with you soon, there is a lot that I have yet to tell you, I’m sorry I left in a hurry…and worst of all that Lucian was lost as a cause of this. I know how much he meant to you. You’re not crazy, what you’re experiencing, even if it seems to be in your own mind…it’s as real as you and I. I found this amongst my papers; it was a page from your brother’s journal after he was committed, he saw the same things but worse…he felt the same as you did. Don’t give up hope; your mind is relying on you.

I will see you soon…I promise.

D.B."

I contemplated in silence what I had just read, I was certain that this was left for me by Dragos. I didn’t give myself time to analyse what he had written, instead I read the next page:

"I've read The Devils a thousand times yet I still go back to it with a fresh mind. There is something vaguely resonant...almost like a parallel to my own mind. Much like Mr. Govorov I have not witnessed many of the conversations first hand, yet I will describe them to you - the reader - as if I were there; I will be the chronicler of these events...most of them mine own, but they will inaugurate you too. It will soon dawn on you how remarkable the semblance is to your own life.

It didn't begin here but this seems like the best place to start.

It was a day much like any other. I usually end up sat here reading my book deep in contemplation...but on this particular day Thom Kye my moronic best friend presented me with some very convincing pieces of information. I had thought of nothing else since I had been committed and to know that I wasn't the only one having these 'experiences' fucked with my head in a big way. Right and wrong became entangled.

Was I truly insane? Did I really belong in this prison? Or did they want me to believe that I was crazy? Was it all part of their plan to control the truth from being exposed?

All I knew at that point in time was that Thom had never lied to me in the five years I'd known him. He never had a reason to...and most importantly he believed me. Screw mental health! This was bigger than that."

I set the letter on my lap, feeling sick. What experiences was Jake referring to? What was fucking with his mind? What truth were they trying to conceal? And most importantly who were they? Nothing made sense any more. I wondered if any of the events that took place were similar to that of my Father and Jake. Did that mean that I was insane too? Did I belong in an insane asylum along with them? I refused to believe it, up until this moment I never had a reason to question my own sanity…yet what I read couldn’t be a coincidence. Jake seemed perfectly sane to me in his journal entry. There was nothing to suggest that he had lost all sense of reasoning, if anything he seemed quite the opposite.

“Aurora….are you ok?” I looked at Hyun feeling startled that he was still there. I was so deep in my own thoughts that I’d forgotten about him. “Yes I’m fine,” I replied, “I need to get out of here Hyun. I need to go to Toulouse and find my brother.” I watched as his mouth fell open in surprise and then he shut it again quickly. He sat there silently for a few moments unsure of what to say and probably completely taken aback by my sudden change in tone when referring to Jake.

“Why?” he finally asked me after a long pause. I opened my mouth to reply and then thought better of it; instead I picked up the letter from Dragos and Jake’s journal note and passed them to Hyun to read. We sat in silence as he read them, his brows furrowed in concentration and when he finished he set them down; he too falling prey to his thoughts. I waited for him to say something but when he didn’t I grew impatient and interrupted his thoughts with, “Well?” His head shot up to look at me in surprise that I was still there before clearing his throat and replying, “Sure…ok, but only if I can come with you.” I frowned in frustration at him, “Is that all you have to say?”

“Well what else do you expect me to say? I don’t know what the hell is going on any more! Last night…” he paused for a moment as if trying to find the right words, “…Aurora, last night was really weird, completely out of this world. You were running in and out of the apartment like you were being chased by someone…or something…and it was like I wasn’t even there.” I looked down at my hands as they rested in my lap, I honestly didn’t know how to explain it to him. I believed him when he said that he was there and I wish that I could begin to understand what happened, but I didn’t have a clue. “I’m sorry Hyun…I don’t know what was going on….but I do know that I’m not crazy.” He nodded his head in agreement before replying, “I know you’re not.” He stood up and walked towards the door and stopped to look back at me, “I’m going to look for a doctor and see if we can get you discharged.”

As soon as he left I began to read the letters again, I wondered why Dragos had called me Dawn. My mother was the only one that called me by the translation of my name. As I sat there rereading them for what felt like the umpteenth time I was distracted by a slight knock at the door. I looked up and was surprised to see Dragos standing in the doorway looking more haggard than usual. He still wore the same clothes and I could’ve been mistaken but even his beard looked like it had grown since the last time I’d seen him.

“I see that you’ve received my letter.” He ambled towards me, limping slightly, and sat in the vacant chair that had been occupied by Hyun not long before. “Dragos, what’s going on?” I had a sinking feeling that he had known something awful would happen, but I didn’t question him further. I waited patiently as he adjusted himself in the chair and watched as pulled out piece of paper from his coat pocket.

“This is the address of where they’ve taken Jake,” he said, “don’t believe a word they say Aurora…you’re brother’s not a violent man, he would never have hurt a soul.”

“But the police say that he killed Lucian,” I couldn’t help the anger from reflecting in my voice, “Liliana witnessed it! How can deny what he did?”

“Liliana didn’t see anything,” he replied softly, “she arrived at the scene after everything happened. All she saw was Lucian lying there dying with Jake by his side…I’ve spoken to him already and he’s willing to meet with you…let him explain…he knows what you’re experiencing and he doesn’t want to see you end up like him…or your Father.”

I let his words sink in. There he was again, talking about ‘experiences’ as if he knew what I’d been through. Was he behind it all? Before I could ask him I saw him reach into his coat again and pull out a small leather bound notebook. “This is Jake’s journal,” he began, “He would like you to have it, to read it before you visit him, so you’re better prepared in understanding why he’s there.” He placed it gently on my lap and stood up to leave.

“Is that all you’ve come for? You have nothing else to say to me?” I was more than a little disappointed. I was hoping that he would continue his story and finally reveal the truth of Vincent’s disappearance. “I’m sorry Aurora, but now simply isn’t the time…just read it and I’ll find you once you’ve returned.”

“What makes you so sure that I’m going anyway?” I asked him vehemently. His response took me by surprise, “Simple Aurora, how can you live with yourself if you never know the truth? You’ll just end up punishing yourself over Lucian’s death the same way you did with your Mother’s.” He turned and scurried out the room leaving me feeling breathless. I stared at the journal in front of me with a sick sort of apprehension. Running my fingers lightly over the soft black leather, contemplating whether I should begin reading it, whether I was ready to understand its contents.

Hyun came back half an hour later as I lay there silently staring at the white ceiling, lost in my own thoughts. It was becoming a bad habit. The hospital didn’t want to discharge me; I had to remain in this god forsaken place for another day, just in case…in case of what? In case I kill myself? Ha! Wouldn’t that be an idea?