Shadow, Death, Darkness In Whispers

I am shadow,
staining hearts
feeding on emotion
stabbing minds
in the inner eye
to break their gift
of insight1

so,2

none can see the devil,
residing within me
breathing, poising
killing, crafting
eternal souls
to die in touch
of my white finger
that brings chaos3

I am but a black spirit, washing away in the darkness of the night. I can see my prey, just lying there, still and cold as stone and earth and porcelain. I pounce and rip her apart, teeth gnashing into her placcid skin.4

Crunch. Crunch. Crunch.5

She writhes beneath my fangs, glistening like black claws. 6

My fangs bite - once, twice, thrice and she is gone into the void forever.7

I am spirit,
of blackness
of death8

I am the angel
to fall in might
and break about the light
and bring darkness
to kill and get killed9

and see my self to dream,
Ah, just crush me,
let the part of me die
to dry as a leaf
under wind of courage
and passion10

that stained me
killing me
by that venom - love.

Author notes

My faovirte song is: My Immortal by evanscence

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • Emelite
    August 29
    Edit | Reply
    no link whatsoever to my contest. sorry but it'll be removed. but it's a good piece(:


  • EmoGirl95
    August 27

    Edit | Reply
    Very emotional, a very interesting piece.
    I truly loved it.
    Grammar was perfect and the description was tasteful.

    Great job.
    Thank you for entering and good luck

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 4.


  • Lady Pixie Greeters member
    August 16

    Edit | Reply
    Dark and beautiful write. I particularly liked the "Crunch Crunch Crunch" and use of descriptions. It held a story within the poem so I'll let this slide (flash fiction is generally a short story, not poetry). But nonetheless, it was still an enjoyable read. The last line was striking and powerful. Job well done.

  • tj-is-back
    August 16
    Edit | Reply

    humor?

    Humor..i dont think so...but it was a good poem but sorry id have to DQ you but it was a good poem


  • UsagiDreams
    August 9

    Edit | Reply
    Again I go with my comment below. Also now I am able to think about it, if this is a poem or a song perhaps you should have kept the way it was written in a set way, which I feel would have improved it.


  • Lady Eventide Greeters member
    August 9

    Edit | Reply
    Interesting.

    If there's something I've noticed in writing horror from reading all these wonderful entries (yours included), it's the repitition of a particular word. With you, it's 'Crunch. Crunch. Crunch.'

    Expertly dark, but I must say my favorite verses were the last two. Wonderfully written.

    Thanks for entering this in my contest. All the best!!!

  • UsagiDreams
    August 7
    Edit | Reply
    I would have preferred it to have slightly more punctuation, but it was very well written. Good luck in the contest.


  • cole3313
    August 4
    Edit | Reply
    Woah!!! I loooooooooooved it. Its so dark its great!

  • Adinatak
    July 31
    Edit | Reply
    This poem was great and I want it in my final list but you haven't followed my fourth rule! (don't worry more than a few haven't). I'm gonna give everyone a few days to do so before I have to remove them and not give them trophies. *gasp*

    Hurry while you still have the chance!!!!


  • Aqua-Chan
    July 28

    Edit | Reply
    A nice poem. I haven't read one in awhile, and this one makes me want to read more. Very nice and I thank you for entering. ^^

    ~Aqua

  • Adinatak
    July 28

    Edit | Reply
    I liked this piece a lot. Looking at it, doesn't look like it has much flow but it really does. Great job and good luck in your other contests as well.


  • Asfand
    September 13, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Hi, this is really good. Nice job on this!

1 - 12 of 12