He slowly opened his eyes half-mast, watching the bright rectangular lights of the hospital ceiling pass over his head. Incoherent voices surrounded him, distant and alarmed.
“Male approximately 27 years of age… car accident, head trauma, and internal bleeding.”
He came to an abrupt stop and felt himself being carried away from the gurney and onto another bed. His body remained limp as they punctured several needles and tubes into him. He felt the sudden pressure, but the pain did not register.
What happened again? Oh, right. The truck driver didn’t see him pull out of the driveway. Who brought him here, then? He couldn’t recall any sound of sirens, getting inside an ambulance or anything of the sort.
~*~
She desperately tried to keep up with the pace of the moving gurney. Her legs seemed heavier with each step she took, eyes stinging from the tears that continuously flowed down her flushed cheeks and onto the cold linoleum floor.
“How are you related to him, miss?” asked a nurse who was running on the opposite side of the rolling stretcher.
“He’s my husband,” she replied without hesitation.
~*~Flashback~*~
She jammed the key into the ignition and maneuvered the clutch as she readied herself to back out from the garage.
He was coming home late tonight from his business trip. Her stomach churned excitedly as she envisaged herself finally seizing the opportunity to take his face into her small hands and plant soft kisses all over his features.
And what better way to welcome him with a surprise dinner she lovingly prepared all by herself?
The engine silently rumbled as she sped through the dark empty street. All the shops were closed by then; nothing else illuminated the gloom but the street lights that gave off a blunt yellowish light overhead. The 24-hour grocery store materialized from a distance.
To make dinner, you need ingredients, of course, she thought to herself wryly.
A shabby motel in the opposite side of the road stood out in the darkness. But it wasn’t the motel that caught her attention. No, it was far from the motel. It was the sleek black car that was slowly pulling out of the driveway.
“No,” she breathed. Not again. He can’t be doing this again. Her heart pumped madly as her breathing shortened with every second that passed. She shook her head vigorously left and right, forcing herself to reject what she had just seen.
All that happened next became a numbing blur.
Her eyes widened in horror as a truck emerged from the darkness that came speeding dangerously fast. Its monstrous front end loomed over the car frighteningly, crushing against the side of the small black vehicle and sending it off to skid a few meters away before it halted to a complete stop.
The sound of the impact was bloodcurdling.
She sat in her car, frozen.
~*~
His ears strained to hear for a familiar voice amongst the sea of noise and commotion. Relief washed over him as he heard her small sweet voice, overpowering all pain and suffering.
“Mia?”
“I’m here, honey. Everything’s going to be all right,” she replied, her cold and tremulous hand giving his lifeless one a weak squeeze of assurance.
Her eyes darted from his blood-encrusted face to his hand and saw the silver ring that signified their eternal commitment. A feeble smile crossed her lips as she wiped the blood that tarnished the small piece and looked up once more at the very heart of everything she lived for.
“Mia…”
“Yes?” she replied weakly as she reached out to touch his face. The warmth in his eyes seemed to obscure all the noise that surrounded them, leaving her only to listen to the sound of his frail and hoarse voice.
“Tell Claire…I love her.”
A contest entry
- Short and Sweet by abba12.
175 points, ended October 2, 2007, 38 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Gimme, gimme, gimme your best Poems & Stories! by Zerstort.
185 points, ended July 17, 2008, 95 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Hypnotize me! by Darkhearted.
145 points, ended July 27, 2008, 43 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Something. by HoneyAngel.
350 points, ended September 10, 2008, 34 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Such a Tragedy... by Shinami Tsuyoki.
825 points, ended September 13, 2008, 30 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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What a prick. That's just like wow. I was not expecting that to happen at all. I want to hate him because of what he said yet I feel sorry because he's most likely going to die.
This was really good. I loved it.
Good luck and good job.
Angel
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Very impressive!
That ending was fantastic!!
You really gripped me with the picture of his wife holding his hand, and the sight of his bloodied face, but the twist at the ending nearly had me in tears. It's incredible that you could get so much emotion and detail in so few words. Nicely done!
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Wow, this piece really knocked me off. The ending was the real surprise. Wow, too good!Very well written!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Good job!
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Wow! This is amazing; bittersweet in a way. The form of your work is amazing; its easy flow makes it a fast and good read. I absolutely loved the end though. Great twist! Well done. Best of luck for the contest.
Keep writing
Ankitabeginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 4.
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Really good. This caught my attention in the first few lines and held it all the way through. You begin by feeling bad for the guy then you really hate him at the end. Nice twist. Hard to pull off in a story as short as this but you've done it very well.
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wow... this is impacting, especially the ending. she still loves him through everything, she still cares for him, and yet he makes those his last words, that bastard. id kill him myself if he wernt already dead, that poor woman. very well done.
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Son of a...! What an impact, wow, you were right about the sledge-hammer. My god, there should be a follow up for this! Great write!
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Oomf. Smacked I was, yes, in the gut with a sledgehammer, yes. If Mia could rewrite this story, she'd be the one driving the truck.
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Oh wow, this is astonishing! The impact of the last line is unforgettable. What a great read! Good luck in the contest!
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This was a good piece in general but that last line...wow. It changed everything. Those five words were so powerful. To imagine what Mia must have felt when she heard that must have been so horrible. That one will stay with me for a long time
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o my god.he got what he desered if you ask me though.but that poor widow.shes alone and thats not wright
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Whoa.
I have no idea as to what to say to that. But I will say that that was good to read...
Aden
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 3.
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Oh....shit.
Ok, needmore than that.
The ending was just...AH! Crazy, I liked it.
The rest, could be written over a bit, and formatfixed.
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Ouch- whoever suggested this to be a Featured Story is to be congratulated on their good taste... just as you're to be congratulated on writing it. That last line is a killer, man- well done!
beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 3.
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What an amazing ending! And absolutely horrific, you made me feel so bad for Mia, but also curious about Claire and the husband. Great story, and I agree with the comment below me, if you said (for the husband) pulled out of the parking lot, or motel driveway, it'd wouldn't be confusing when he gets hit. Fantastic story! Magnifique!
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ouch what slap in the face
The ending was so cold it could of been a Coors commercial. I was a little confused about the car pulling out of the driveway. Maybe you could say pulling out of the motel parking lot. Good story.
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Wow.
That last line just had me gasping out loud. What a twist.
I could empathise so well with Mia, and I truly felt her pain with her husbands last words. What a story. Amazing.
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Thank you so much. I'm very glad that you liked it.
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I really did. Would you mind if I nominated it for the front page, as a "In the Spotlight" piece?
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Of course not. Go ahead!
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