Sharon opened the front door to her apartment to be greeted by the fresh aroma of coffee. “Gary, I’m back.” She closed the door behind her.1
“In the kitchen honey, are you hungry?” He shouted through.2
“Not really, to tired to eat.” Sharon slumped into the chair.3
“Why not go lie down for awhile?” He said entering the living room.4
“Yeah, I might. Or I might just lie here for a little.”5
“Okay babe your call, fancy some coffee?”6
“I’d love some.” 7
“Okay, be back in a flash.” Gary got up and headed towards the kitchen again, as Sharon made herself comfortable on the sofa. Gary came back into the living room with a hot cup of coffee in his hand.8
“Here you go babe, just like you like your men, hot and sweet.” He said with a smirk. Sharon had fallen asleep.9
Sharon found herself back on the beach. The same lady was there, she could smell the ocean breeze, this time though it was colder, the waves more rough and her chant was stronger and louder. She sensed the fear in the air; the woman was standing shaking her hand up to the sky. Sharon dared not move all she could do was watch. 10
Sharon stood in the shadows of the cliff watching the lady, who was she, where had she seem her before? She noticed the woman had turned to look at the cliff in the distance. Sharon could just make out a dark figure standing on the edge of the cliff, arms held out, something was glowing a dim soft light, immediately Sharon thought it was a flame of a candle, but how could it be? The wind was blowing quiet hard. “It couldn’t be a candle, although then again, nothing would surprise me in this dream.” Sharon thought. Suddenly she felt a cold icy stare that made her blood run cold. She turned and looked at the woman. The lady was standing looking straight at Sharon or was she, the look of horror in her eyes seemed to be looking right through her. “Quick, hide. You shouldn’t be here, get out of here quick” She said in a frantic tone.11
“What do you mean I shouldn’t be here?” The woman just kept staring past Sharon. “Tell me what’s the matter, I might be able to help.”12
“Please, please leave this place now. You shouldn’t be here,” The woman repeated again, but now with a tone so intense it was scaring Sharon more than she already was. Sharon was stuck to the spot, she couldn’t move no matter how much she wanted too she couldn’t move. Sharon heard movement behind her, no matter how hard she tried to turn around she couldn’t. She kept her eyes on the lady. The look in her eyes, she was horrified. “Don’t just stand there, please leave, please. For your own good go.13
The rustling sound became louder just as the look of horror in the woman’s eyes did. 14
“You must leave now.” The moon was now behind Sharon and she noticed a shadow over cast from behind her. Suddenly the woman started to move towards Sharon.15
“Please listen to me, it is no longer safe, you have to leave, you have to get away. They know where you are now, and they’ll be after you. There is nowhere to hide.” The shadow became darker blocking out what light Sharon had; she felt an icy touch at the back of her. Now the lady was coming at her with such a pace. “Get a way from her, leave her alone. Get away from her now.” Suddenly the ladies pace broke out into a run, Sharon couldn’t move, the lady came closer, but went straight past Sharon to the un known presence behind her. Suddenly Sharon felt something take hold of her.16
“Let go of me,” Sharon felt herself struggle as she hit the ground. Sharon looked up; kind caring eyes were looking at her. It was Gary, “Sharon. wake up, it’s just a dream. Wake up Sharon it’s okay.” Sharon could do nothing but throw her arms around him, “You’re shaking, it must have been some dream. You want to tell me about it?” 17
“I’m okay Gary, as you said, it was a bad dream.” Sharon could barely contain the shakes running through her body. Gary just sat there holding her; she never wanted to let go.18
Sharon’s mind was in turmoil, who was this woman, what was this place, why was she visiting this place, and why did it feel so familiar. She needed to talk to someone but she didn’t know whom she could turn too. She felt so numb, the cold feeling was still in her blood, and the fear now had intensified. Why was this happening? What was going on?19
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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imaginative
I've noticed a much greater attention to detail in this section. Very easy to follow and spooky too! One suggestion I would make is to make Gary a little more active. He seems a bit propish in this section. What I mean to say is; he should be a bit more concerned, protective, ect- about his wife.
The beach scene is great, with a nice feel and understanding of the movements of the creepy lady and Sharon.
What I like about your story is the imagination you've put into it. Like any good writer, I believe you get the story cranking when you get to the good parts.
Thanks for the chilling read!
language: 4, plot: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
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I liked it
Well done I enjoyed reading your work and thank you for your comments on " A letter to Elisa" I do hope the word you were planned to write was Such and not what was written. (LOL) I look forward in reading more of your work. -
great write but i dont like this part:Here you go babe, just like you like your men, hot and sweet.” He said with a smirk. Sharon had fallen asleep. lol me sis saw it
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so much for my 2 minute nosey around
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excellent
splendid, you are holding the level of tension at a very high level. I just wish I could read it all of a peice so it isn't interrupted. -
Heck this is great I must read the other ten parts!!!
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That was really awesome, but what happens next? lol.
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I think this might be the best one yet....this part was so mysterious and yes haunting
Getting creepier Nat...I can't wait to see what happens next
Ready for the next part girl
~~Dawn
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wow.. just wow... I've now read all of it so far... and I can't wait to read more... the suspense.. it jsut kills me... look at the power you have over all of us! lol.. keep up the great work
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Very cool chapter. A lot of rising action... foreshadowing... I am hooked! What happens next?
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Very good and still very intriquing Nat.
Sorry it took so long to get here. I just accepted a new moderator position on another board. I must be out of my mind lol
Red -
I'm enjoying it to Nat'Queen of greeters' just saw that on your Author page - cute lol
Things are hotting up and I'm looking forward the the next chapter
Well don't just sit there reading this - pen on!!
~Von~ -
It's hard to keep the suspense going in a story, but you're doing a terrific job!!!! Never a dull moment in any of the installments, always something to keep luring the reader to see what transpires next!!! I'm enjoying your story a LOT!!!
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the story thickens in plot of intense anticipation for the audience
pen on!
you are doing great, I do believe you are getting better and focused!
Tamara -
Wow, Nat
I love this one, getting very intense!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can't wait for #12
Karen
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What IS going on Natalia?
Tell me the ended i don't do suspense well lol
very good there got me on the edge of my seat and all but if you make me fall off I'm gonna cry cos i'll hit my head on the desk RANTS!
Jadey xXxXx
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