[ Well. First I wondered where to even put this. I think I'm gonna cut it down a bit and put in on Facebook after this. ]

Well. First I wondered where to even put this. I think I'm gonna cut it down a bit and put in on Facebook after this.

I've really given a lot of thought to everything that's happened in the past month or so. And I believe this is a great place to get out my feelings. No worries, names won't be mentioned, and I'm not gonna attack anyone, I don't want to.

I thought about the whole reasons the thing ended. I think that some of those were good enough reasons to work on my self. I don't really care why it ended, it's whatever. But this whole thing has helped me grow. I've recognized my mistakes, and I'll fix some of them. There are very few, though, I believe, and other things that I did that were actually smiled upon need to be booted too.

Pot is still gonna be going in my system. I have no intention of quitting. And I don't care. I'm not gonna worry about what anyone thinks of me, because I have my friends, and they're my friends for a good reason. If some of them decide that I'm different or whatever, fine, get out of my life.

High school is OVER. The world's huge and I need to dive in at this point. The end of it helped me realize that I'm walking down a dirt road right now in the middle of nowhere. I need to get on that highway and get out. I've deicded to go to campus for Cowley next year, maybe get a bit back into theatre.

I've started to get over it, but it's hard. Obviously. I'm not upset at her, she did exactly what I did, so I can't be. I'm totally cool with it. We didn't work too well together anyway. I've already started looking at other women and feeling pretty okay with it.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not happy with the guy. He was my friend and broke that unspoken rule: Don't go after bro's x's. I don't know how many people still follow this, but my friends and I do, and that's what I expect. If they break that rule, I'll terminate friendship. That's one of my few rules, but I stress it greatly.

It's hard though, because I can't tell what's reality anymore. I'm almost constantly high, so that, mixed with the thoughts that seem real, plus forgetting, plus sleep and the few hours I'm sober...well, you get the picture.

I decided to be more lenient and not get so involved with girls. They (most of them anyways) kinda wanna have fun, and so, fuck it, so will I.

I'm doing okay. I'm fine. And it's pretty cool. If I just keep going, I can forget anything ever happened. Or at least dumb it down to the point I don't care anymore. I'm nearing there, but I'm not there yet, you know?

I've been listening to my itunes and found a bunch of songs that fit how I feel. If you see it on xanga, those songs describe a bunch of shit in my life right now.

Well, if this offends you or upsets you, that's too bad, because I don't care. I've got my own shit to do, and if you don't like it, don't ride with me.