I was fast asleep
Dreaming on
Holding your hand
Then you were gone
I woke up in despair
Found the day turn to night again
And laid myself down
Found again my eternal Zen
Mystified in it
Consumed in it
I couldn’t find myself
Then you tried to find me
Caught in my web of emotions
Hate, despair, desire
You searched for forever and a day
Locked inside of me
I was dying inside
You still couldn’t find me
You looked so very long
And then you found me
Stuck inside my sadness
Holding onto my life
I was so lifeless
The blood ran down my wrist
The web turned pink
You were scared
You couldn’t think
You lifted me up enough to see me smile
My head then tilted to the floor
A voice then spoke
“Nevermore”
You screamed no
It could not be
I wasn’t supposed to die
I was much too young
The voice didn’t seem to care
You couldn’t use your lungs
You cried for me, on me
The pink turned to red, then blue
Your love was the key
I touched your hair and opened my eyes
I was on my bed again
You were there
With me can
It be so
I cried real tears and touched your face
You saved me
You knew it
You touched my face
You kissed me
And we both knew then
That our love would save us always and again
Author notes
I wrote this a while ago. I love it above my other poems so far, but that may change if I write more poems. But, for now, I'm trying to write nice big plot-filled stories. =)
A contest entry
- 1,000 Points for poetry!!! by Forgotten Anomaly.
1000 points, ended March 26, 2008, 58 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Do you like?
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Alright, first things first. This was a decent poem, but you could improve drasticly. It didn't flow very well, it was choppy with really short lines. It needs commas at the end of some lines, a comma to signal a pause and let the reader breathe. You could put periods at the end of stanzas in order to finalize them. The idea is sorta overdone, the person tries to kill themself someone else saves them thing. You have potental, a lot of it, just needs work.
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Thanks. I wrote this a long while ago, but I just haven't had time to revise it.
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I love how you wrote this in it. It was so... wow. ya know?
You screamed no
It could not be
I wasn’t supposed to die
I was much too young
The voice didn’t seem to care
You couldn’t use your lungs
You cried for me, on me
The pink turned to red, then blue
Your love was the key.
This sounds like something I might write when I'm either sad or angry, or I just have an Idea. you are an excellent writer. anyway, do you write this stuff a lot? if you do, I will most likely read it ALL! lol. great job in byour description, and keep up the good work.
P.S. you are an awesome writer, never give up yer awesome, and elegant, talent!
love,
*Evalyn*
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Thats cool
That was so amazing. Its sounds a bit like something I would write, but nowhere near as good. I hope to see some more of your work. And thank you for commenting on my story so far.
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Sweet heavenly goddess...this was...AMAZING! This was written with amazing that makes my poetry look like child's work! I look up to you in that sense already! You've taken my breath away! Magnificent!
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-blush- Hehe, thanks! Wow, people seem to like this poem a lot..
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Well it's somewhat hard not to like it. It's a very good piece of work. I really enjoyed reading it a lot!
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Thank you so much! ^-^
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!!!! Oh my goodness!! It's sooo good!! Not like the other depressed poems, it had a happy ending, an ending I loved. The way a lover saves you, or just someone you love, will forever be amazing and this displayed that. Good job, seriously! Very well-written and flowing. Good day to you, I'm so happy now.
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Thank you! Wow, only just after submitting one piece of work, I get a wonderful comment.. I think I'm going to like it here! Thanks for making my day!
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