Prelude
Wormholes. Topological features of spacetime that are essentially a 'shortcut' through space and time. For centuries, wormholes had been the bane of organised space travel, the idea that a group of Pirates, or smugglers could creep around your patrols by using these shortcuts. However, between them the GDA had been able to map every wormhole. Or so they thought.
It seemed like a gift from the Gods for the Hadens. An unmapped and unknown wormhole! Straight through the GDA frontline and into their interior. It had to be taken advantage of. Immediately a powerful fleet went through and rapidly took control of Pax Pacis, a Tappeen space station built, inconviently near enough to the wormhole to control it.
Immediately the GDA assembled a strong multi-racial fleet and counter-attacked, hoping to catch the Hadens off guard and retake the station and wormhole. Everything was at risk.
Chapter One:
2nd BATTLE OF PAX PACIS
The two small fighters sped through the vast darkness of space onwards into apparent peace. However they weren’t fooled, the Alversian Dreadnought droning menacingly below them was proof enough of that. The vast grey and red warship bristled with guns and looked deadly even from above. The symbol just behind the elegant and steamlined bridge bore the golden letters ‘G-D-A’
The fighters, which were Xiscapian Jitsen III’s, darted down to the Dreadnought in order to take advantage of the cover it’s shadow provided. The closer they got to the star, the more illuminated the battlefied would get and the more difficult their mission would become. XO Foxfire, the commander of the pair sat cramped in the tiny cockpit, his tail wedged between his butt and the side panel. Unlike humans, Xiscapians possessed Fox ears, tails and senses ie better hearing and sight. They also demonstrated remarkably faster reflexes although he doubted any of those would be any use in the GDA counter-attack.
“Sir?” it was Foxfire’s partner in this little mission, Holly, she was off smaller statue and therefore fitted into the Jitsen rather better. Her long purple hair having room to swing about as she threw her head from side to side, looking for signs of battle “Shall we?” Foxfire sighed and replied by pushing the control grip in front of him to the left, spinning his fighter and pushing it into a dive.
Into chaos.
Just below them it seemed hell itself had been let loose. There seemed to be no end to the mass of ships spread as far as the eye could see in all directions. Thousands of Haden and GDA ships struggling for control of Pax Pacis and it’s wormhole. Laser fire filled space as fighters swarmed around the bigger ships like fleas on a dog. Foxfire pulled his fighter out of its dive. And straight into trouble.
Through sheer ill fortune, he found himself sandwitched between a Jouran Draatha and a Haden Vulture, both exhanging murderous broadside volleys at point-blank range. Foxfire twisted and maneovered to avoid the massive laser blasts as well as the debris and flames coming from each ship. He breathed a sigh of relief when he cleared the end of the two warships and found himself with a piece of open space. He was equally relieved to see Holly still on his tail.
He had to reach Pax Pacis, he knew it and so he tried to avoid all the fighter battles which were taking place all around him. Suddenly from behind he became aware of a mass of objects moving up onto his tail. “Buzzard Fighters!” he thought panicking. No way the two of them could take on a few dozen Buzzards, even with superior fighters and piloting skills. He braced himself for the one blow that would finish him off. The one blow to destroy the GDA’s hopes of victory here. The blow didn’t come.
Looking around, confused, Foxfire saw the Buzzards glide slowly over the top of his bubble canopy. Then he noticed the small green and yellow streaks fly into the formation and several flashes of explosions from within the group. It was then he realised that THEY were the hunted not the hunters. He whooped for joy as a combined group of Dratherian Falcons and Danaversian Congers zoomed pursued the Buzzards. He watched as one of the damaged Haden fighters, sporting a long fiery comet’s tail spun out of the group and spread itself into the side of a passing Xiscapian Kyokan battleship, the fire flashing for a moment before suddenly vanishing from sight.
Deciding that another close shave like that could not be risked, Foxfire signalled for Holly to follow him into a parallel path with another Dreadnought, unengaged, in order to provide some cover from the fighters and duelling Warships.
Initially he thought he could relax for a moment, there was nothing in the way apart from a few pieces of debris. The various Alversian broadside guns were visible as they flew past, a few black scortch marks where it had been in action recently. Suddenly Holly was on the communicator again
“Ion Cannon deploying ahead Sir!”
Sure enough, one of the big Turrets, protruding from the flank of the large ship was slowly rotating, revealing part of a stubby gun barrell. Foxfire knew what was about to happen
“Break!” he shouted desperatly as his own fighter darted out and away from the Dreadnought. He was not a moment too soon. Almost immediately after he had cleared the way he heard the roar of the Ion cannon as it fired. He felt his own fighter tremble under the shock and struggled to hold control for a while. He watched the massive blue laser bolt as it steadily grew smaller until it vanished from view amongst the other fighters and battleships. He thought it had missed until he noticed a small yellow smudge appear on the horizon. A compliment to the Ion Gunner’s Aim.
Aiming again for the station, they flew alongside a Kratnan Warhound as it fired several bursts from the main cannon hidden it’s jaw-like bow. Just off the to the right of this he was faintly aware of three Alversian XX-40’s discharging a group of missiles on a parallel course with his own fighter. He could hear them impact with the flank of a Vulture before the XX-40’s pulled up, one being hit by AA fire and ingulfed in flames before it could clear the Haden warship, instead hitting it’s hull in a fireball.
Just to their right a Vulture was turning to bring it’s Broadside turrets into action into a Templar Hammerhead battleship. It seemed to be ignoring the fire and continuing on a collision course, all the while firing from it’s own turrets mounted on the two bulges on either side of the nose that gave the ship it’s name. They were going to ram it! Foxfire couldn’t wait for the result. He had his own mission to complete.
“Uh…Sir!” Holly was looking ahead, they were almost at the station and clear of the battle, but there was one more obstacle. Ahead a Haden Vulture, lying at a right angle to the Fighters was engaged in a duel with a long and elegant Isan Securis with it’s four arms at 45 degrees to the main hull. Each ship was firing small strings of green and red laser fire into each others hulls. Both had raging fires but the battle would continue until one was destroyed. Then he noticed the tips of the arms were glowing blue
“Watch out, it’s charging beams!” he warned as he approached the Vulture. Once they passed it, they were in the clear. Just a short trip to the station itself then aboard and the real mission could begin. He was starting to lose focus when the Securis fired.
Each Arm emitted a bright glow before four four solid beams of blue light collided with the Vulture. The beams only lasted two seconds and intially there were no results. Then the entire Vulture seemed to disintergrate into a raging inferno, leaving only a skeleton of a ship as a deadly ring of debris spread out in every direction. Foxfire ducked and weaved his fighter through the waste, hoping Holly was doing the same. He opened the taps and willed his fighter to pass through the sheet of white flame surrounding the hulk. He closed his eyes as he passed through the heat, coating his cockpit in a brilliant white light. Then he was clear. There was nothing in his way now, the Securis was moving off to find another victim and his path was clear. Anxiously he tried to contact Holly
“Holly! Holly! Are you there? Please respond!”
There was silence. He was about to burst into tears when a shaky voice came onto the radio
“I’m here, Sir, My fighter’s fried though, I need to land”
“Don’t worry” he said, half to her and half to himself “We’re almost there”
Author notes
Option Nine
Wrote this on the fly although the War and characters have been around for a while
Checking to see if this is worth pursuing
A contest entry
- The Party Platter by Trinity Dragon.
338 points, ended October 2, 2007, 6 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Eight is An Interesting Number by So Strange.
375 points, ended November 25, 2007, 13 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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First, the two preludes are a bit over the top. Try narrowing it down to just one. I personally like number two better.
Names, though unique, are too complicated. Simpler is always better. Nice attempt to cover your swear words with words like "arse," but seriously, it just makes it sound foolish. Try "butt" instead. But please don't attempt something like that. Parentheses "(i.e. better hearing and sight)."
"It's" should be "its." The apostrophe is not possessive in that form of the word.
"...sporting a long(,) fiery comet's tail..."
When you get to the dialog, it seems like there was some spacing problems. I'm not sure if they originated from technical errors, or from human error, but I'll overlook them seeing as how it is still separate paragraphs.
One does not hear "the roar of the Ion cannon" in space. There is no medium through which sound can travel.
"AA" I take to mean anti-aircraft, correct? If so, you might spell it out instead of using short hand so that other readers will know what you are talking about.
"It's" again should be "Its". Thrice in that paragraph.
Ditto.
End of sentence punctuation in the last paragraph before you begin your dialog again.
Good points include excellent language use, very well described ships. I would go into more depth with Foxfire's character, as well as Holly and their relationship (is it intimate, that of good friends, or purely professional?)
All in all, except for the few mistakes I saw (which are all fairly common and understandable fore spell check doesn't catch everything), I would continue working on this if I were you.beginning: 1, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 2, dialog: 2, characters: 2.
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However danger always lurks behind every star and in every system.
need a comma after however
Watch tenses. You skip from present to past tense.
Most of the issues with the story are punctuation. Missing commas, misplaced commas etc. Double checking that will easily eliminate that.
Overall your description is well done. You've got a good concept here. Sci-fi isn't my usual reading choice but I found myself enjoying the story in spite of that. Well done in keeping the reader. -
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Thanks for the advice! I'll change it as soon as possible
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I was thinking of writing a prelude before all this y'know
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Very Good, so far
I like it. I'll be sure to keep up with the story!
1 - 5 of 5


