She put her hands over her ears, trying hard to drowned out the sound of their fighting. Curled up in her bed she heard the sound of glass breaking, closing her eyes tight she prayed for them to stop.
'Please, please' she whispered. The yelling was getting louder and she couldn't take it, getting up she ran to her door and opened it slightly, maybe she wouldn't be noticed if she slipped through the front door. Walking down the hall one of the boards squeaked and silence fell in the lounge, she held her breath and stood still as she waited to see if they noticed her.
"Look what your doing!" she heard her mother yell out, then she heard her scream and the shatter of glass, she fell to the floor and held her legs to her chest, tears came to her eyes once again as she rocked back and forth.
"This is all your fault!" she heard her father scream out as the sound of a slap echoed through the long hallway, she looked up, there was no way to tell who slapped who but she wasn't going to stay and find out. Getting up she ran straight for the door, not caring how much noise she made.
"Katie?" her dad asked as he came into the hall, she opened the door and ran not knowing where she was going.
Half an hour past when she finally stopped running. Breathing rapidly, her eyes stung, she looked up she saw the sign for a motel. As she started at the door she heard a loud bang behind her, looking over her shoulder she saw a car swerving onto the foot path as it came her way, she blinked and breathed in as she was knocked down on her back. The car sped away leaving a skid mark down the road, she looked to her side as people rushed over, the taste of blood emerging as she cried one last time...
Now she's finding comfort in the arms of an angel...
A contest entry
- Short and Sweet by abba12.
175 points, ended October 2, 2007, 38 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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i think this could have ended better. i loved the story, but the ending was too abrupt, rushed, and emotionless. its well written now and made me want to continue reading from the first paragraph. great work
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Wow, what an affecting piece, so tragic. You did an amazing job of building emotional attachment in so few words. Bravo!
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I really liked your story, but it could be expanded on some.
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The ending was really emotional lizzy, it was a little rushed but still good, this could be expanded on.
Will there be more explaining why the parents were fighting and how come she had to leave like that, and who hit her with their car??
Keep it up this was a great read, with a sad ending.
~Ebb
xoxo
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verry nice story i like the sad part
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Sad, but reeks of a a deep truth. It has a raw energy to it that you should definitely sharpen.
Needs a little work, though:
Half of your paragraphs end in a (,) comma, rather than a (.) period.
Unless she was soaking her feet, the last para is probably talking about a footpath, not a foot bath?
And that same para has about 4 or 5 sentences in it, but is written as 1?
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