The Second Day

“One down, thirteen to go,” I say to myself while I sit in the borrowed truck, at least I get that vanity out of the garage; I should get something for talking care of Uncle Angus while Mom and Dad are away. I am amazed by the sight of the lawn, it's overgrown with dead crab grass; I thought that stuff could live anywhere. I have to bring in that laundry, it couldn't have hurt it to stay on the line over night; God knows it needs some fresh air, that house smells like Flexer-all and… and… something not good.1

“Ugh, there he is, waving from the window.” Doesn't he have anything better to do? I plaster on that I'm-visiting-the-elderly smile and watch my posture as I step out of the car. The door is unlocked, I don't know how; I thought I locked it last night.2

“Hello Charlene!” he exclaims as I walk though the door.3

“I'm not Charlene, Uncle Angus. I'm her daughter, Emily.” 4

“Oh, Emily, you've gotten so big! Last time I saw you, you were a chubby little thing. You've thinned out, you look sick; you won't get a husband unless you eat something.” 5

“You said that…..” yesterday, and eating sure isn't going to get me a boyfriend. “Hi, Uncle Angus. Do you need this TV on so loud? How was your night?” I ask as I walk over to the set and hit the mute. 6

“Oh, no, no problem. I didn't much like the night.”7

“Oh, why's that?” I walk into the kitchen to scrounge up something to eat, why did I over sleep? I always eat breakfast.8

“I didn't sleep much, I couldn't find Buddy. I left the door open for him. He never came home.”9

I glance down at the dog dish in the kitchen corner, still full from yesterday. Where is that yappy little thing? The TV begins blasting again. There's no yogurt, what's with all this bacon? Ohhhh! That's the other smell. Flexer-all and bacon. Not so hungry now. 10

“Uncle Angus, can you turn that down?” as I stand at the open refrigerator. No response. Fine. I'll go get the laundry and you can listen to your TV as loud as you want. 11

I walk through the garage and all of the boxes have been knocked over. What happened in here? “Oh my god! What the hell happened to the laundry?” I half-scream. The laundry is shredded and scattered all over the back yard like confetti. 12

“Did that damned nazi dog get your yard too?” a stout black woman pokes her head over the fence, “He got my geraniums too, dug every last one of them up.” 13

“Yeah, I guess something got my laundry, how could just a dog do this?”14

“You haven't seen Adolf, he's not just a dog. He's a huge German Shepherd that belongs to Mr. Heidlebaugh, lives up the street. That dog is out every night terrorizing this neighborhood.” She paused for a moment and looked at me, “Aren't you Charlene's girl? What are you doing over here?”15

“Yeah, I am. My parent's are on vacation and I'm taking care of Uncle Angus until they get back. Now, where did this Heidlllle-guy live?” 16

“Just a few houses down, it's the only one on the street with a picket fence. You aren't going to go talk to Mr. Heidlebaugh… are you?” I could tell she thought I was crazy.17

“What's wrong with that?” I question, this man can't be that bad.18

“Well, let's just say that no one has ever complained about Adolf before, and I don't intend to start today.” She was very huffy about her position and disappeared behind the fence. 19

“Nothing like friendly neighbors!” I call to her. I hear her back door slam. What am I going to do with this mess? Heidlebaugh should have to clean it up, it was his stupid dog. I walk through the garage to tell Uncle Angus I'm going to pay Mr. Heidlebaugh a little visit when out of the corner of my eye I see my vanity. Except, this can't be the vanity I saw yesterday, one of the legs is all scratched, there's no varnish on it… what is that? Teeth marks! That damned Adolf! Now Heidlebaugh is really going to pay.20

I storm through the kitchen and head for the front door.21

“Charlene? Before you go can you feed Buddy?” Uncle Angus is watching the window and listening to the TV.22

“Sure, Uncle Angus, I'll do it when I get back. This will just take a minute.” I don't care if he calls me Charlene today, he could call me Queen Elizabeth for all I care. I've gotta make this Heidlebaugh pay. 23

Helidlebaugh's house is blue with a white picket fence. I stand in front of it for a moment before I open the gate, the thought of Adolf just crossed my mind -- he might be home… I can't slow down now, someone has to be held accountable for this …this terrorism. I pull the latch string on the gate and let it close behind me. The walk way is tidy and the lawn is well kept. I am only a few steps away from the porch when I hear loud barking and suddenly I am on the ground and there is a mass of stinking fur and slobber and teeth on top of me. I'm dying. I am going to be eaten alive. The papers will say “Death by Dog”. How perfect is that. I cannot breathe, this dog is so heavy, how is he so heavy? Uck! What is this-- slobber? It's everywhere in my eyes and my mouth. I cover my face with my arms. Good idea, Em, he could have eaten your nose by now. But why hasn't he eaten me by now? I should be dead… unless this beast is going to savor my death, make it painful and slow… I hear someone yelling, am I yelling? The dog is suddenly gone and I can hear someone calling to me.24

“Are vou allvight? Adolf iz zo findly! Ee dooes not know vhen to ztop” the voice says joyfully as it gets nearer. I open my eyes. An enormously tall man with a hideous scar stands over me.25

“Alright!? You expect me to be alright? That beast of yours nearly killed me.” I stand up and notice that I am trembling. I cannot help but stare at his scar, it cuts across his left cheek and through his upper lip. “Are you Heidlebaugh?” I demand26

“Adolf iz ardly a beast, zimply a …”27

“Simply a killer!” I yell, I am shocked at my volume. The scar is terrifying. How did he get it? A knife fight, somewhere in Austria-Hungary… when it was still Austria-Hungary. “That dog of yours destroyed the vanity in my uncle's garage last night, and he ate the laundry on the line. I expect you to…” just then Buddy comes running up to me from inside the house. “You kidnapped Buddy? How could you be so terrible?” I pick up the poor little dog and cradle him in my arms. “What were you going to do to him? Feed him to Adolf? PETA will have your ass for this!” I don't know why I said that … first thing that popped into my head. I turn and run away before Heidlebaugh gets the pleasure of seeing me cry. I clutch poor little Buddy to my chest. Is Adolf following me? That crazy old man is going to kill me after all! I speed up and hold Buddy tighter. I burst through Uncle Angus' front door. He is vacuuming. 28

“Oh Charlene! How was your walk with Buddy? He is probably hungry… I haven't fed him today.” Uncle Angus is straining above the vacuum and the TV.29

“It was a fine walk Uncle Angus. Vacuuming again?” I don't want to explain it to Angus because he will just forget. I walk to the kitchen and open a new can of food for Buddy and throw out yesterday's crusted over dish of food. “Oh you're a cute little thing, aren't you Buddy! You poor little baby, you could have been eaten by that awful nazi dog.” I whisper to the dog as he sniffs the food. I don't know why I'm whispering, not like Uncle Angus could hear me over all that noise.30

I pat Buddy on the head as I get up to walk to the back yard, I try not to look at the vanity, but I can't help myself. Stupid beast. I start by picking up everything that is on the back porch, most of these clothes aren't completely destroyed… this sock can be saved… so can this undershirt. I start making two piles one for the garbage and one to be saved. I've moved on to the grass when Buddy comes out of the garage. He immediately hops into the pile of salvageable clothing and rolls around. 31

“Buddy, get out of that!” I yell and I walk toward the pile. He freezes and lifts his head in this silly sideways kind of way. A sock is drooped over he left eye and he tries to bite it. “Buddy you look comp… completely stupid” I can hardly say the sentence because I am laughing so hard. What's it matter now? Those have to be washed again anyway. 32

BAM! BAM! BAM! What is that? “Buddy, do you think it's the door?” But he is already making a mad dash for the front door barking all the way. Oh no, who could it be? My stomach is sinking every step of the way, I have to force myself to swallow.33

“Uncle Angus! Don't open that… door” He already has. The TV is still blaring, the vacuum is standing upright, still running. 34

“Say now, what's all this pounding about?” Angus says to Heidlebaugh. Buddy runs out the open door and straight to Adolf. So he brought his muscle, huh? 35

“BUDDY! Get back in here before you get eaten!” the dogs growl at each other. Oh no! Adolf is going to eat him! “Heidlebaugh, get your dog away from Buddy! What are you doing here? Haven't you done enough harm? BUDDY! Get in here!” Buddy runs to me and jumps in the air, turns around and runs out to Adolf again. Adolf is crouched on the ground and Buddy runs smack! into his face. Adolf rolls over and buddy licks his face. This is the weirdest dog fight I have ever seen.36

“Vill vou turn that noize dovwn?” Hiedlebaugh yells at me. How dare he yell at me! 37

“Now you listen to me Heidlebaugh. You can't let that beast of yours roam the streets at night eating everything in sight!” I'm screaming now, I can feel the blood rushing to my head, I must be purple. I'm spitting when I yell, I think I can see little pieces of spit on Heidlebaugh's thick-framed glasses. “You get in that back yard and clean up the mess your dog made! Then you go next door and clean up the geranium's that he ate!” I can suddenly hear myself so clearly. What happened to the TV? The vacuum? I turn to see Uncle Angus standing at the vacuum winding up the cord.38

“Now that's better, it was so loud in here” Uncle Angus says half laughing.39

“Novw vou visten do me, vittle dirl! Vou cannot vell at vhoever do vant. And vhy vou thrveaten me vwith da PETA? I do vnot vike to be thrveaten.” Heidlebaugh is stepping inside the door, leaning toward me, waving his finger in my face. 40

I gasp and step back. Why is he so close to me? How is he in the house? This has gone too far. I fumble for the door handle but I am already too far back. Oh God, oh God, oh God. I am struggling to breathe, with that do he can do anything he wants. An old man with Alzheimer's isn't going to be able to save me. We are dog food. 41

Uncle Angus grabs my shoulders and pushes me behind him, “You leave her alone, Mister. Emily has been good today; she took Buddy for a walk. You get that big mutt of yours out of my yard and you get out of my house.” I have never seen Angus get angry before. 42

“I yam wery zorry, Zir. I did not vunderztand. I did not mean do be dizwezpectful.” Heidlebaugh has composed himself and is standing upright. “I did not know dat Adolf vas such a nuszance. I vet Adolf out ot vnight because vwe haad been vlurgularized and Adolf is a good vatch dog. Novody's house has been broken into zince I let Adolf vun loose. Dand as var as I can zee, Adolf and vour vittle Buddy are viends"43

I look down, Buddy is pawing at Adolf's face, Adolf is drooling all over Buddy. Ok, so he wasn't going to feed Buddy to Adolf. I must look like an idiot. What was I thinking? But Heidlebaugh does have a crazy idea of public security… “Oh, ok.” As if I'm approving of their friendship. 44

“Dand I yam zorry about vour vanity, I cannot pay vor it, but I ave a dresser dat maybe vou vike more dan the vanity.” Heidlebaugh smiled hopefully.45

“Oh, yeah, sure, thanks, it's um, no problem.” I stare at the ground. Uncle Angus turns and smiles at me. “Listen, I was way stupid earlier, I shouldn't have yelled or anything, I'm sorry.” I can barely say the words; I'm still looking at the ground.46

“Vell, I dink we all ver a vittle upzet. Vou come by vater dand vook dat da dresser.” Heidlebaugh smiles and takes a backward step out the door.47

“Yeah, yeah, sure.” I say, surprised to find myself smiling, a little, as I step past Uncle Angus to close the door. “And, uh, thanks for coming by.” I close the door and Uncle Angus walks to the TV and turns it on, full volume.48

“You want a sandwich, Uncle Angus?” I strain above the volume as I walk to the kitchen. “Maybe a BLT?” 49

“Sure, thanks Charelene” he says as he sits back down in his recliner and gazes out the window.50

I stand in the kitchen, half leaning on the countertop, smearing mayo on cheap white bread. I don't know what I could have done without Uncle Angus. I glance into the living room and look at the back of his head. I can't believe he stood up to Heidlebaugh… for me… he even knew my name. I am still smiling as I reach into the refrigerator for the bacon. Well, almost two down, only 12 left to go.51