Marvin walked till he felt he could walk no more, the soles in his shoes felt slick from all the miles he had walked. Still he had no idea where he was going to go, but at least he knew how he was going to get here. The pavement changed under his sore feet, from smooth, rocky, rough and plain dirt roads but he kept the same smooth pace. The last time he walked that long he was getting away from a crazy husband who swore up and down Marvin was after his wife.
But it was the other way around, the wife was after Marvin almost got the poor brother killed, and with her ugly self. Marvin was in New Orleans visiting his uncle Jack when he made friends with the wife's younger sister. He went over to theman's house for a party and the wife poured it on, but being the perfect man he refused, she refused to give up forgot about her own husband and made a pass at Marvin. Marvin laid a stretch on that night. He beat his lady friend back to the other side of town. And after that Marvin decided that he was going to be careful with other people and sisters with over needing wives, and most of all jealous husbands.
Night covered the sky, yet Marvin had nothing or no one to turn to in this small town. His belly churned and ached from lack of food. The sign on the wall said come as you are, even through the faded pictures it spoke of a savior and how he lived and died for the lost.
Marvin fell to his knees closing his eyes and wished for death. He thought about his Mother Ida and how she was always preaching to him. Then he thought about grand-papa Willie and his strength. Then he thought on his own father and how he was so sad all the time, afraid and careful then he thought about his mother. But he thought on himself and what he had become in the little years he had lived. At twenty nine he lived like ninety. His weary body ached from all that it had been through. He had picked up this life style from movies and city slickers who prey on smart wanting to males as himself.
Author notes
Thank you for taking the time to read my fiction
please feel free to tell me what you really think.
Comments
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I'm afraid that this needs a little re-writing. The thought is good, but, for example, the flashback needs a separate paragraph.
You've also said he "walked till he felt he could walk no more", closeply followed by "but he kept the same smooth pace" - if he can't walk any further, how does he keep up the same pace.
Other parts of the work require further punctuation:
"He went over to theman's house for a party and the wife poured it on, but being the perfect man he refused, she refused to give up forgot about her own husband and made a pass at Marvin"
would be better as
"He went over to the man's house for a party and the wife poured it on. Marvin, being the perfect man, he refused; she refused to give up, forgot about her own husband and made a pass at Marvin!"beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 4.

