Maria stroked the side of Michael's head as he lay, motionless, sleeping, next to her. The soft waves of hair caught in her fingers, only to be gently untwined as she ran her hand towards his neck. He had always had such soft hair. It was one of the first things she had fallen for about him. That, and his voice, as melodic as a dawn chorus, and twice as joyful.
Absentmindedly, her fingers trailed down toward his neck. For once, goosebumps failed to break out on his flesh at her touch. She felt each and every curving undulation of his skin, skin she knew so well. The feel of muscles in his shoulder was like braille for her to read. His skin was cool, porcelain smooth. His earlobe was so soft is was almost velevt, and she sighed as she stroked it's contours.
She felt so connected to him in moments like these. When just the two of them lay alone, undisturbed, together. She lost herself completely in him every time they were together.
Her hands moved once again to his face, his precious, perfect face, and she trailed a delicate outline around his closed eyes. The softness of his lashes was comparable to the stalk of a buttercup: gentle, delicate and downy. His lips felt like silk beneath her touch. Her fingertip ran around the contours of his mouth, marvelling in every curve and arch. She remembered how it felt to kiss those lips, and bent her head down to touch her lips to his in the most gentle of caresses. The same magical, tingling sensation wound through her stomach, the same as the first time they had ever kissed. She shivered slightly at the feeling, as Michael continued to sleep soundly next to her.
Trembling slightly, she ran her fingers down his strong, straight nose, drinking in every detail of his face. It reminded her of the face of a Greek God statue, so chisled and perfect. She remembered her parents taking her to a museum when she was a child, and how she had fallen in love with a small statue there. That was what Michael reminded her of. He felt like that statue did, strong, firm and flawless.
Maria closed her eyes, where she could picture him perfectly in her mind's eye. He had been her life for so long now, so very very long. Her fingers entwined gently with his as she became lost in her thoughts. She had known he was beautiful from the moment they had met. It mattered not that she was blind. Her soul saw his as clear as day.
Tears began to fall from between her closed lids, and her head sank onto his chest. The plastic tubes connected to him spoiled the perfect landscape of his body. Her head used to rest perfectly, nestled in his arms. Now, those arms, which once held her so tight and safe hung limply at his sides, and the tubes dug into her cheek.
"Maria? It's time to go now, honey." The voice of one of the nurse's broke through her pain. She raised her face toward the voice, and smiled bravely.
"Ok. Look after him, wont you?" She said, her voice barely more than a choked whisper. Letting the nurse guide her to the door, she turned her face back over the shoulder and said simply, "I'll miss you."
Author notes
Wooo Hooo! According to the SW word count, it's now over 500! Phew!
Thanks for being patient with me!
In a list
A contest entry
- Show Me! Don't Tell Me! by Saej.
700 points, ended September 23, 2007, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Your Best Sad Story! by This Will Hurt.
375 points, ended February 17, 2008, 24 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Oh my gosh the ending on this really shocked me. It started out sounding so romantic then I got to the end and was about to cry. This was beautifully written and you did such a good job with making every single emotion heartfelt and believable.
~Joann
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A beautiful peice, and I loved the description in the beginning. It surprised me to find that she was blind and that she was sick. The only, small mistake I found was that you had a typo on the word velvet in paragraph 2. Thank you so much for entering, and good luck! ^.^
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nice
Yeah, good writing. Nice detail of his face. I also love how you set it up, I thought it was a romantic, but usually, morning after peice. Then you said about the tubes, nice. You can really feel the emotion in it as well, another good thing. The only complaint I have is I don't like the back ground, kinda hard to read, might just be me but I highlighted it to read it easier.
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Thank you for the comment, I took your advice and changed the background!
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=] It is much easier to read now.
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Firstly, I suggest you change the background because it is very distracting. Now, about the story - it is very sweet. And sad, but that is an afterthought. It is descriptive, beautifully so but somehow, I found the entire story all too predictable. Good job! Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing
Ankita -
AW!!!
That is so sweet. And so well writen. I loved it -
When the story started, I enjoyed it. My jaw dropped when I found out she was blind, then I held my mouth open when I found out he was in the hospital! The story was beautifully descriptive and near the end held the twist. You never know it's actually a tragic story until the end. Great job!
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This was really good, could really feel for her. I'm not sure what i can say as far as contructive critism though, it''s great and incredibly sad
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Sad
Jesus Christ that was sad! It was excellent writing, but really sad. You hooked me into reading the whole thing congratulations. Great job!
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Alright, first I have to tell you how much I love this piece. It's perfect for what I'd had in mind. Great job.
One thing>> "spoilt" I believe this should be "spoiled" It just looks better that way. However, it is your choice as you are the author.
Once again, this was a great piece, and I could really feel her emotions all throughout this.
Thank you so much for this contest entry. I wish you the best of luck! -
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Thank you for the suggestion... I looked and agreed.
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This is great. Message me and let me know when the word count is up, and thanks for letting me know you're going to fix it. you wouldn't believe how many entries I've gotten that aren't at least 500 words. lol.
Great job this. I'll give you a better comments when it's finished, okay? -
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Sounds fair to me!
Sorry i had to post short, but I am going to work on it now, so maybe it will be right by the time I go home from work! lol
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EXCELLENT!
Very, very well done. At the beginning I thought the sleeping guy was the blind one. Then I found out that it was the girl, and the twist at the end that revealed that the sleeping guy is really in a coma was outstanding. I think this is a very good story.
Anaya Roma
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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How awfully sad this was. Such a delicate vignette- this is one case where had the story been any longer it might not have been quite so good. Well done, and good luck with the contest!
beginning: 3, language: 5, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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