I looked up at the brick building and felt my stomach churn. This place was to be my prison for the next two years. I walked over to the sign that said "Virginia Military Academy" with my bag of clothes. How could my mom have done this to me? I wondered. How could she send me to a Military school?
There were kids spilling from the cars with parents who had actually came with there children while I had to come on a bus. I looked up at the big entrance and felt my stomach do a summersault again. I had always heard of bad kids who got sent to military school but never thought I would be. Why? I wondered. It was true that I had done some things wrong. Back when my twin Zach died my life had not been complete so I started slitting my wrists. That was a year ago.
Well here goes, I thought to myself as I walked into the big gate. A man in a green uniform that said Virginia Military Academy on it came in the crowd.
"Newbies This way." He said in a booming voice. I walked over to him and he looked down and noticing my scowling expression he asked,
"What are you scowling for for?" I looked at him and said,
"what?" I responded shakily as all the kids around me stared.
"You will call me sir when you talk to me," he said.
"fine....then" I said in a whiny voice that was usually kept for my mom.
"That will be 100 pushups for the rudeness and a 2 mile jog for not calling me sir after I warned you." he scolded.
I said nothing as he trudged us up to the school. Well to me it wasn't really a school. School was where I had friends. This was more like a prison. Exept they don't usually make you do pushups in prison, I thought bitterly.
"You will have a tag that says your name on it and you will where it at all times." the seargent boomed. "sir," a boy asked. I turned to look at him. He was the best thing I had looked at all day. He had long black hair and wore all black except for a chain that dangled from his belt.
"yes cadet Hart?" the seargent replied.
"Whats your name man?" the boy asked.
"My name is you are going to be in detention along with Cadet Johnson," he replied.Then he said, "My name is Seargent Mortimer but I will from this point forward always be known to you as sir...understood." Everyone replied with weak yes sirs and then he escorted them to their dorms.
to be continued.
A contest entry
- Lots of options, story starters by Elvenfairy.
180 points, ended September 12, 2007, 7 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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lol ah, the joys of military school! This was great! I love stories about military schools and boot camps. *tahst probably why I adore my dad's books* this was very fun and funny. Thanks for entering my contest!
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A great start...
You have made a great start, just a few suggestions below, I am in no means an expert. I hope these help.
Newbies This(this) way."(way," he) He said in a booming voice
I walked over to him and he looked down and noticing my scowling expression he asked, (this needs to be on a new line.)
scowling for (delete one of the fors) for?" I looked at him and said, (I looked...should be on a new line.)
"(Fine)fine....then(,)" I said in a whiny voice that was usually kept for my mom.
warned you.(,)" he scolded.
you will where(wrong where, it should be wear) it at all times
(this should be on a new line as its a new speaker) "sir," a boy asked. (again new line)
I turned to look at him. He was the best thing I had looked at all day. He had long black hair and wore all black except for a chain that dangled from his belt. (I turned to see the best thing I seen all day. He had long....)
(Yes)yes cadet Hart?" the seargent
Whats your name(,) man?"
My name is you are going to be in detention along with Cadet Johnson," he replied.Then he said, "My name is(,) Seargent Mortimer(,) but I will from this point forward always be known to you as sir...understood." (new line)--Everyone replied with weak yes sirs and then he escorted them to their dorms.
Sarahhitch.
beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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