I love the way you stroke my hair
I love the way you talk with air
I love the thought you give to me
I love the thought you had at sea
I love the whispers in my ears
I love the whispers from the years
'Twas months and days I loved you dearly
Your heart and soul were so mine nearly
Author notes
"I have read the rules and if I qualify for the Round 1, I will continue onwards to the finals."
A contest entry
- Write anything interesting and sweet by RedHearts.
155 points, ended September 14, 2007, 19 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Love letters you never wrote by incondite.
1000 points, ended September 26, 2007, 18 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - The Poet's Challenge: Round X by Asfand.
175 points, ended October 9, 2007, 21 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Just Enter... by On.Cue.
375 points, ended November 10, 2007, 59 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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This is really good. Thanks so much for entering my contest and good luck.
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The message that you share is a sweet one. However, I feel your rhyming scheme is forced at the beginning. I think if you replaced "talking with air" would not only improve it but make it flow better. Good luck in the contest.
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Thanks for the Comment
I only really put certain lines of that in because I thought that it sounded right, but reflecting, I could have changed a lot of it. Thanks for commenting and rating!!! -
Sweet and touching ~
A very sweet and lovable little poem ~
I enjoyed the fact that this was heart-felt ~
It had an emotional impact, even in such a few words. It was good ~
There were lots of things I would also like to points out ~
Short poems use impactful words, your words were emotional but the ending was less impactful ~
Some the rhyme seemed very stressed ~
Almost as If you were looking for a word but could not find one, so you used awkward ones ~
I love the thought you give to me
I love the thought you had at sea
I love the whispers in my ears
I love the whispers from the years
The above verses are examples ~
The last sentence *I love the whispers form the years* failed to make much sense ~
Overall, sweet and touching ~
Good luck and thanks for entering ~
Title ~ 9.1/10
Depth ~ 6.8/10
Imagery ~ 12.1/15
Format ~ 7.8/10
Feeling ~ 9.3/10
Theme ~ 15.4/20
Flow ~ 13.9/15
Understanding ~ 9.8/10
Total ~*~ 84.2/100 -
I love the thought you give to me
(The conjugation isn't right here; it should be "thoughts you give to me," or "thought you gave to me."
The beginning of this poem is sweet and catchy, but then it just doesn't come through for me. A sweet poem about love, but without substance. Still, a good write.
Title ~ 8/10 (I love French)
Depth ~ 7/10
Imagery ~ 13/15
Format ~ 8/10 (I like the switch on the end)
Feeling ~ 8/10
Theme ~ 16/20
Flow ~ 13/15
Understanding ~ 10/10
Total ~*~ 83/100
Good luck in the contest! -
RedHearts
Thanks!!! -
Hey, this is quite good. I like the way it flows..Good luck in the contest
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I meant it to be J'adore, because the first two words are I Love, and I don't know the words for I love the way...
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The title of your poem means "I love," did you want it to mean "I love you?" That's "Je t'adore." I liked the first two lines, they were very sweet and poetic. The last line is just strange, it veers off from the intimacy and innocence of the beginning.
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