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I always wished to visit the waterfall in Foz do Iguaçu,2
A small city in South of Brazil just on the border with Argentina.3
The opportunity came as I less expected and I grabbed it with both hands.4
Some 'street business people’ from Rio were renting a bus, and it was scheduled to leave in two days, and a friend asked me if I wanted to go along. Excitedly, I answered with a very loud YES!5
The trip took twenty four hours, from Rio de Janeiro to Paraná. 6
It was a quite pleasant trip, with few stops along the way. We sang and talked, and the time went by faster than I had expected. 7
We arrived at Foz do Iguaçu, a very dusty place; the hotel was simple but cosy.8
Much time to make a round through the hotel I didn’t get. My friend and the 9
new friends I've made on the bus, decided to take me with them to Paraguay,10
where they buy their ‘imported’ merchandise.11
And there I went, without courage to argue and kind of curious about the place. 12
The small city in Paraguay was just a bridge away. So dusty (if not more so) than Foz Do Iguaçu.13
Such a lot of people on the small streets and so many shops that I started to feel dizzy.14
I went to a mall (the only one there) and sat in a coffee shop and there I would wait till they were back from their ‘hunting’. All I wanted was to see the waterfall and not dust…15
After hours of waiting I decided to take a cab and go back to the hotel.16
I asked to the cab driver how much he would charge to take me to the waterfall.17
To my surprise, he made a very good price and offered to wait there and bring me back. 18
On the way from the hotel to the fall, he talked about the city, the waterfall and the National Park.19
Finally I was getting what I wanted, and felt sure my heart would stop beating at the sight of that gigantic waterfall. A very loud noise could be heard from afar, the noise of all rivers from the world flowing together, so it sounded.20
I was amazed with the beauty that unfolded before my eyes, and never saw so many rainbows as I did there. Big, small rainbows, just a touch away from me.21
I could see small pools through the vegetation below. So many different kind of plants and flowers filled that beautiful window of nature. 22
The water came down off the rocks with a very intense power. Droplets illuminated by the sun, forming minuscule rainbows, fairylike rainbows.23
I could see a causeway on a lower level from the terrace, it was open to the visitors and walking through it we could be even closer to the rainbows. I pondered for few minutes about taking that walk. -'what can happen? if I'm already here I'd better go and experience it all'- with that thought I headed to the steps that lead to the causeway. With my heart beating at 100km/h and with short breath I start to walk across it. It was an experience I'll never forget! The multicolored flowers and little animals hidden among the plants made the place looks like a dream land. The 'roar' of the falls echoing in my ears transported my whole being into a new and strange dimension. To a water world. Reluctant, I went back to the terrace...24
After finishing the film in my photo camera, I decided to get back to the hotel. 25
The business people told me about their shopping and I about my own trip.26
We all were happy, I had my dream realized and they had their bags full of goods.27
The day after we visited a small city in Argentina where I bought two leather28
jackets for a very low price. From there we took our way back to Rio. 29
Once again we were singing and talking and smiling, till just before the border between Rio and São Paulo. There the Federal Road Police stopped the bus and asked everyone to step out. Control.30
Some paniecked, they have bought more than the law allows. I offered to keep some goods and say that they belonged to me; I didn’t have much, just two jackets and one of them I put on, despite the warm weather. I then kept one bag full of garlic (special garlic from Argentina) and one video recorder with me. The agents searched the bus and the bags, one asked me what I would do with so much garlic, I told him I have a huge family and they all love garlic. He didn’t find it funny.31
They ask one of the passengers to open the box he had with him, the man said it was a VCR and opened it to show, I almost couldn't hold my laugh when I saw that all there was inside the box were tiles. He didn’t open the box in Paraguay, he just bought it and took it without checking inside.32
The agents exploded in a loud laughter and sent everyone back to the bus. 33
Some of us were laughing others infuriated , and the poor VCR man, unable to believe his eyes. 34
That way we drove further to Rio.35
I, with the rainbows in my head, the other with his garlic and someone with imported pieces of tiles. 36
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Author notes
Wow, I thought never to start writing a story and once I did I just didn't feel like ending.
Most of my poems are no longer than 20 lines, which made it harder to write this story but man, I enjoyed it!
If you wanna see some pictures of the waterfall, you can visit click on this link
www.janelanaweb.com/viagens/iguacu.html
Thanks Erin!
*Street business people* people who sells stuffs on the streets or from door to door, they go or used to go to Praguay to buy their goods, there the prices are very low. And they must be, they sell tiles in VCR boxes.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
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delightful story telling, many twists and turns but a most satisfying journey...a magical place of beauty and discovery; and always the human lessons how we spend so much time and effort trying to buy happiness ..when some lucky few find it..all around...wonderful story...h
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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I was re-reading my comment, plus a lot of the others here. I did of course send you some thoughts on the story, hopefully preserving your charm, etc but you never took by advice, alas poor Yem. It's too bad, maybe I could have had a "thanks" right next to Erins. Boo hoo to me.
The person who suggested elevation wanted gun fights and car chases, what can I say? I stand by my previous comment, it was a good one.
Now back to boo hooing
beginning: 5, ending: 5, characters: 5.
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My thanks to Erin was for finding a very beautiful picture of the waterfalls...and if I recall well, you said you were going to edit the story, if isn't edited, then isn't my fault
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A beautiful picture indeed, Mari! I love the detail you have given in your story, and I'm glad you wrote this. Your piece is wonderfully written and holds the reader's interest throughout. Thank you so much for entering this in my contest. Hugs, Patricia
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I'm still absorbing your comment, you just have taken me to the clouds. As I've told you right now, this is the most wonderful comment ever posted on my page.
Thank you for making me smile so wide
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People focus on the occasional grammatic error due to this being, not your second language, but your third! I will help you with this if you'll allow me...since fiction is what I write and love. But What people haven't noticed in this story is your poetic "eye." This is the real charm of this story! Some examples:
The water came down off the rocks with a very intense power. Droplets illuminated by the sun, forming minuscule rainbows, fairylike rainbows.
and;
The multicolored flowers and little animals hidden among the plants made the place looks like a dream land. The 'roar' of the falls echoing in my ears transported my whole being into a new and strange dimension.
These sections clearly show the style that has won you many friends and fans here on AP. They have a simple but allure to them that springs from the page.
I think in your native Portuguese, you'd be an amazing writer of fiction, especially short fiction where accurate and powerful description has far more importance. I was spellbound reading this tale because your pleasure and genuine intrigue shines through this work. I now have a better idea after reading this, of you as a person. Yes, I'm still learning! Not only your joy but how you look at beauty and the world around you.
You have all the elements of good storyteller: You're concise, know how to how to keep the reader entertained, including a subtle and timely sense of humor and your author's "voice" is calm but charming! Yeah, I'm impressed!
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Thanks Noodle! Yes, my grammar is terrible and that is why I don't venture to write stories. Better stick with short poems, which are my favorites anyway; I do read now and then, poems written by people who have English as second language, and the grammar is worse than mine thoug
Thanks again for your visit
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Mui Bien
Well, people say that I'm a jerk for not reading their poems, but that's because I'm not a very good judge of poetry, I am a novelist at heart, and that's what I prefer to comment on.
You have good form in the sense that you know what you need to say, and can say it well. The grammar isn't perfect, but who's is? I was impressed by the photo's that accompanied this story, they added to the overall effect. Good job, maybe you should try to write a couple more shorts? I'm impressed. Thanks for your comment! -
lol the poor VCR guy!!! I loved your descriptions of the fall; the imagery was beautiful. Around 6 years back, I saw Victoria Falls in Zimbabwe, I wish I could write about that as well as you......the picure's really amazing! I like your expressions as well, especially 'my heart beating at 100 km/hr' that was so cool!
Take care
Zain
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Yea bronze, way to go.
John -
Wow! I want to go.
I live near waterfalls, but nothing so powerful and majestic. I love all the pretty waterfalls here that trip off the edge of cliffs, but long to just once experience one of these monsterous wonders.
Youhave told this story well. i think you have a knack for it and I look forward to the next one you undertake. and bravo on the bronze...
susan -
It seems as if you had an inspiring trip - being with a bus-load of street vendors alone can be a charging experience - let alone the magnificance of one of natures most powerful forces. The feeling I'm left with is one of renewed yearning for travel in South America.. don't temp me anymore please..
Very more-ish!
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Thanks Cat! I want to go back there again and take a helicopter flight to see all that from above
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Congrats on the Bronze
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Ah Mari your picture up there reminds me of New York and Niagra Falls the mist in the air from it. Truly I enjoyed this write...You know I never wanted to see the falls until I went to pick up my Children from their fathers (Fort Drum Ny Army base) and my mom said we are this close we have to go, being that we are both pretty much small town girls, we crossed the border into Canada to actually see the falls that is what you have to do, and OMG I geeked out, I am talking taking pictures with a camera we bought at a gas station like a madwoman.. Your write reminded me of a happy memory I had forgotten about.. So Thank You, TAKE CARE, Catressa
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Thanks Mark! YES I WANT AND NEED ADVICE!!! Could you hear my loud voice through all those megabytes? I told that same story, the full version of it (so much more happened on the way back to Rio) to a friend yesterday, and it was so much easier to tell the story while talking 'voice-to-voice' (messenger audio service) than to write the whole thing.
Anyway, I really enjoyed this first experience and thanks for holding this contest!
Mari
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Wonderful imagery
Hello Mari,
I agree with Brian (windhover3) above. Just re-read his comment. It will save me some time. lol This is exactly why I was cutting some slack to people who don't speak English as their first language. Your word choices can be much more interesting than someone who has spoken English all his/her life and is stuck "in the box". Your characteristic charm and sweetness comes through in this story. If you'd like some advice on how I think you could make the story better, please let me know. I'd be happy to work with you on it.
That poor man with his box of tiles. lol I laughed my patoot off at that one. Also, as Brian said, the imagery was just beautiful.
Thanks for entering. It's so nice to read a full-length story from you.I hope you make a habit of it!
Great job.
Mark -
Lol I loved the way you ended it, i would rather leave a place with rainbows in my head han garlic. i love watefalls and this one looks so amazingly beautiful. so glad you have the special time and saw the place you had dreamed about.
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I thought this to be a great story, Mari.
During the time I was reading it, I was taken away from my home to a beautiful foreign land. (Yours) I thought you did a terrific job describing your feelings as you visited the waterfall. The part about the bus trip was very interesting, and the one about the guy with the tile was hilarious. (Poor guy!)
If I ever write my first story, I hope it is half as good as yours!
Anulka
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Excellent
Wow, I really enjoyed reading this, Mari!
Wonderfully engaging story; it kept my interest from beginning to end. Well done, Lady!
I wish you the VERY best of luck in this contest, dear...
Regards, (and HUGS!)
Serenem -
ahhhh, I see, contests and rules and prescriptive descriptions. Still I got what I came for, so I'm happy.
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tripping on the way in, the skinny stranger speaks from the floor saying "I liked the story behind the words, and the words themselves were charming." There are a few little twists to american lingo, for example we would normally say "when I least expected it," but like I say: charming.
I understand what everyone else is asking for, but I don't really want "elevated" and I don't really want dialogue and I don't really want "written out"... this is a pretty tight, down-to-earth, honest and fun recounting. If you want to elevate the reader or create a narrative or write a travelogue, I'll read it; but I really came to share a little sunshine with a Brazilian vixen. Mission accomplished.
Brian -
Sounds like you had a wonderful vacation. I found out that writing a story is more difficult than writing poetry because you have to describe everything. All the in between lines have to be written out. To this reader ,you did a fine job.
Sincerely,
Leo Long -
Yes, while i enjoyed the read, I have to agree with David, it could be elevated. I felt like you told me about the entire trip, and I wanted you to SHOW me. I wanted to see it the way you saw it. Can you pick one event, and write it in a SHOWING way? Using diolague is a trick to show rather than tell something.
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Thanks David for your feedback! This is my very first story and I wasn't sure how to write it, I just told what really happened
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"That way we drove further to Rio.
I, with the rainbows in my head, the other with his garlic and someone with imported pieces of tiles." and it was at this point it seemed to break into real writing. There are some gems of description littered through this piece eg "the noise of all rivers from the world flowing together" but not nearly enough to lift the entire piece. There is something here that a greater poetry focus through the line would be brilliant. It is a good story but it really could be elevated!
David
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