Kael's journal, day one.
I have lost everything. My family, my friends, my reason to live. It was all lost when I was thrown into this vast unknown which I have learned to call Kranos. I used to have a good life. I was popular because of my looks. Big, beautiful, blue eyes. Goldish-brown hair. A tall and worked-out body. Besides my popularity, I was also known as one of the smartest people in the state. I was always ranked number one or two for the national tests. Now all that does not matter. Here, I am nobody. I am all alone, no one to guide me. I have been wandering around this lush-green land filled with tall trees and light-green grass. I survive by my katana I carry with me at all times. I prey upon small animals that are unique to this world. Today, I found the strangest animal yet. It was standing at three feet and it's body was orange. On top of his head were three small horns with a large one standing in the middle. It put up a fight, but in the end it fell. As I dragged the body back to the make-shift camp I built, I saw the largest animal I have ever seen. It looked over twenty feet tall with large fangs and claws. I left half of my kill to calm the beast. Now I am at camp, writing here. Tomorrow I will set out to find any type of talking life-form so I do not go crazy.
Kael's journal, day two.
I set out on my long, long walk now. All around me, I am surrounded by darkness. I look behind me every step I take just to make sure no animal is stalking me. I've now been walking for a few hours with no avail. Every way I turn, I see wilderness. But I have not lost hope. One of my teachers used to say "If you lose hope, you lose your soul" and now I see what he meant. Finally, an hour later, I saw some sort of light up ahead. I ran at full speed towards that one light of hope, and my prayers were answered. In front of me was a large city with ever moving life-forms. These things were not human though. They were all almost around seven feet tall and almost all of them were female. I only have seen a few males around. On their butts were a tail with a tip at the end. Besides that, everything was the same. I looked behind me to see if I had grown a tail, thinking I was just being paranoid, yet I wanted to cry because right there was one of the tails. I took a few minutes to calm down and strolled into the unknown city.
Kael's journal, day three.
As I look around this new setting, I continue to see things out of the ordinary. I see strange weapons. They are Giant, gun-like things with a red barrel. I also see a katana looking weapon, yet the blade varies in color. It's strange, when I first came upon this world, I found a dark-brown leather bag. When I opened it the contents were weird coins, and now I see it is the currency of this world. I found over ten-thousand gold coins, and considering one of the gun weapons cost three gold coins, that is a extremely high amount. First though, I have to find a nice place to stay with a place to bathe. Surprisingly, the people living here speak the same language as I, so it was not that difficult to find a nice inn. After a good nights rest in a very comfortable bed and a relaxing bath, I set out to browse the guns and katanas. I entered the shop casually, looking at the carefully crafted weapons when one caught my eye. I walked over to the display and first checked the blade to see if it was well-crafted. After a couple of minutes, I realized it was even better than my current katana, which was crafted by the person who was praised a blacksmith genius. I walked over to the counter and asked about the blade. The cleric said it was crafted by the king of this place, and that it was extremely strong. When I asked him why no one has purchased it, he explained this place was in an economic slump and no one had enough coin to buy it. I asked him about the blade itself also. He told me that it was crafted from the rarest mineral, bur, which is dark blue. The blade took on the minerals color, making it a pure dark blue blade. This blade attracted me, so I asked how much coin it was. He showed me how much it was, 80 gold coin, and asked me if a teenager like me really had enough gold to purchase it. I paid him the required amount of gold and exited the store. With my new katana, I felt as if I was the safest person alive. Next, I decided I should purchase one of them guns just so I could fit in. I entered the gun shop and questioned the cleric on which gun to purchase. He showed me the finest gun he had, which cost 43 gold. I purchased it and left, heading back to the inn I was staying at.
Kael's journal, day four.
Not a care in the world, I slept. I had a dream today, a dream of my former life. I was surrounded by my friends and family; it was my thirteenth birthday party. That was the day I came to this world. When I awoke, I was drenched in sweat. As I changed my clothes I latched on my new weapon to my side. I walked out of the inn and took a closer look at the public. The people had no weapons near them, only in the shops. No guards were placed at the entrance of the castle, which I thought was a very idiotic thing to do. As I stared at the castle, the entrance opened to reveal the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. Flowing blue hair down to her hips, Large, round green eyes. A perfect body and face. I caught myself in time so I wouldn't be caught staring. I turned away, looking for a place to eat. I settled for a small restaurant. I walked in and looking around, I saw it was almost all full, just one booth left. I politely asked to be seated, and I ordered my food. As I waited for my lunch, I stared out the window looking at the sparkling scenery around me. When I became bored, I paid attention to my surroundings. I heard the bell to the door, which indicated that someone came in. I quickly looked, not wanting to be rude, and I surprisingly saw the same girl I did just five minutes ago. I took it she was some sort of royalty, but why would she come to this restaurant unguarded? Maybe they believe in peace and they think that they will never be in any trouble. Well, it doesn't matter to me anyways.
Kael's journal, day five.
As she turned her head to see if a seat was available, she noticed that all of the tables and booths were taken by two or more persons. The manager came and apologized profusely, but she stated that she wanted to eat in this establishment. The manager looked around, seeing if anyone was willing to share a seat with this important person. When the managers eyes fell on someone, that person or persons turned their heads, averting their attention. When his eyes settled on me, I sighed inwardly and gave a little nod. His eyes seemed to glow, and immediately directed the girl into my direction. She sat directly across from me, studying my face, but I did the same. I saw things I couldn't see from far away. I saw in her hair was a tint of green. She was the first to speak. The first thing she asked me was my name, and I replied Kael. In turn, I asked for hers.
A contest entry
- Conversations with my 13 year old self... by artemis the hunter.
190 points, ended October 26, 2007, 20 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Need ideas. Continous story.
Comments
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I would like to wish you luck in the contest, this was well written and a pleasure to read and review.
Sarah.
beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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I like it...i like how you wrote it as a journal...it made it seem more personal..it was very good!
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First of all, good luck in my contest. I think this is a classic example of a thirteen-year-old being enticed by a woman. This was also enhanced by the fact that it came on so suddenly, just as he became a teen.
Now for the constructive criticism, and i hope it is constructive; That is the way it is intended. I liked the end day but, I thought that the third day was kind of pointless. I don't know, maybe this blade has some significance in further chapters? I'm sorry, thats just my opinion. I understood the first bit, I thought you put a fair amount of description in this, to describe how strange and foreign the land was to him. I did, however, get lost in some of your paragraphs, I was just longing for a break. Breaking your paragraphs up would make this more effective.
Overall, this story leaves me with a feeling there must be more and makes me want to read on to see what happens with this woman. Good job!ending: 4.


