Throughout history, every generation has had something their parents' generation just couldn't comprehend. The 20s had Flappers; the 40s, TV; and the 50s, rock-n-roll. The 70s had disco and polyester though no one understands that still, while the 90s had boy bands.1
For our generation, it’s the Internet.2
To most, the web is just an educational tool or a source of entertainment. A way to pass the time. But for those of us who can't fit society's molds, it’s a safe haven. A whole other world, accessible from any computer and most cell phones. And while anyone can communicate online, to us, they're just tourists.3
We are the citizens of the Internet. The teens and tw'eens with best friends whom we've never really hugged, brothers and sisters of entirely different races, boyfriends and girlfriends we've never kissed, children only a year younger than ourselves, and who get married in chat rooms to people we've never taken out to dinner by a priest who's in high school.4
We all want to meet "IRL". In Real Life. Most of us can't afford it though, or have parents blinded by the paranoid media hype of online rapists, axe murderers, and other traps. I'm fortunate enough that I've seen several of my friends, these people I've connected with across the miles.5
Anna is amongst those less lucky.6
We were sitting in a field one evening, watching the fireflies, when she told me about Kyle, and how he'd completely disappeared now. I knew I hadn't seen him for over a month, but I'd assumed he'd just gotten another screen name, since he wasn't very close to me. But he and Anna had been going out for nearly a year, and so she feared the worst. That’s the one flaw with the Internet; You have to know someone very well before you can realize they're crying without being told they are. Tonight I knew though, I could tell from the slowness of her words and the way she refused to look at anything but the fireflies most distant from us. I reached out for her, holding her close and trying to comfort her, watching the fireflies blink out one by one in my imagination, as I understood how helpless and hopeless she felt. The grass no longer seemed green, and it was clear that, to her, all that was left was the black night.7
Mom screamed the time from outside my bedroom door, and I apologetically raced from the dying meadow, my shirt's shoulder stained with her tears, though from there they could wash away.8
The stains would never come off of my heart though.9
I stared at the ceiling that night, wondering about Kyle, whether something had happened to him or he'd voluntarily moved into the real world. I closed my eyes and hoped for Anna's happiness, then dreamed of her chasing fireflies into the forest.10
I arrived home from school the next day to find she wasn't online, and when I went to bed, the same was true. Friday went the same, as did the weekend. No matter how many hours I stared at the list, AnnaBannAnna73 never signed on, never answered my Emails.11
On Tuesday, I got worried enough that I committed the ultimate online betrayal of trust. I used 411. There were perhaps a thousand "Jefferson"s in Indianapolis, but fortunately, only one Edmund. I bit my lip, realizing it was pure chance I knew her father's name. It was as though fate knew I'd be calling her that day.12
"May I please speak to Anna?" I choked, trying not to sound as nervous as I was. There was a moment of silence before the woman who'd answered screamed back at me, sounding incredibly distraught.13
"What kind of a sick joke is this?"14
It hit me so hard I don't remember exactly how she told me the tearing truth. All I remember is four nights of tears poured down my face in realization.15
AnnaBannAnna73 would never sign on again.16
Our meadow was gone forever.17
The last firefly blinked out.18
I hung up after whispering that I was sorry, that I hadn't known.19
The fifth in a year… sixth if Kyle had done the same. It had to stop. I had to stop it.20
"Oh Anna… what if I'd stayed a minute longer, told you it was all okay one last time?"21
Outside, the fireflies were flashing, and so I closed my blinds.22
Continued at http://storywrite.com/poem/782928 . Please go to read there if you like this so far.23
Author notes
More to come... please give me advice. I've got another 4 pages by hand I'm typing up at the moment, I just felt like tossing this first one out here. I may decide to do this as a screen play instead... The story as a whole will not focus so much on the suicides as it will on how real the world online can seem to some of us, as well as waking up to actual reality and learning which things to appreciate the most of each.
I'd also like alternative title suggestions.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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well I have to honestly say that this kept my attention and i would most definitly enjoy reading the rest...peace
Edited on Dec 26, 4:24 p.m. because ''. -
I was very wrapped up in this. I think it is very realistic and timely. I think you should do what you mentioned and make this a screen play. It is better than most of the stuff I see on now.
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I don't like IRL but I also don't like the Finding Fireflies because the fireflies mentioned in the story seem unimportant, no sentiment. Of course you mention that there were fireflies the last time you saw Anna but there was also evening, grass, meadow...if fireflies are going to be a some kind of symbolism in your ?stories of the internet? maybe you can define it more boldly. I am VERY interested in how this seemingly short story is a chapter of a longer prose, since the first chapter just lost a character-it will be interesting to see which direction the story will go. I wish the story didn't go from a (well-written) speak of generations to Anna's Kyle problem right away, perhaps a little about meeting her via internet or her relationship with Kyle or something...Also, I,like Flaming Sky got befuddled with the "Is Anna real or online" thing, I mean I got it, but the fact that it was confusing is something to be said. Maybe note that Anna is the friend outside the internet, as well as in. Oh, and to get some emotion from the reader, try techniques after the morbid news like a cascade of memories or an introspective walk to keep the reader in a longer mindset of Anna, as well as making it more personal. Anyways, keep on writing.
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I agree with Flaming Sky, I was confused if the fireflies were real or fake and what was going on with Anna and Kyle, if Kyle had committed suicide or what, or had just simply dissapeared. I suggest going more in depth into that story before moving onto "stopping" whatever is happening to your friends in the story.
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great
For a title change, I agree that "IRL" is perfect. As to the story itself, it almost seems like this chapter could stand as a short story on its own... but I'm not sure in some places what you're trying to say. For example, the meadow and the fireflies, what do they mean? Are they online, or real? Is Anna real, or online? It confuses me, and I think you probably should make that more clear to the reader.
Another thing I don't understand is what exactly happened to Anna. You dabbled in being concerned about Kyle, and then suddenly we switched to Anna. That confuses the reader. So I suggest you should focus first on the one problem, then on the other, so we don't have to get twisted up in trying to figure it out...
Just suggestions. Good luck witih your story.
- sky -
nicely written
i dont have another title idea, but i found this story very intriguing and enjoyed reading it very much. nice story so far! byez
~Karinn -random person-
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Wow. Personally, I think it's good just the way it is. Wonderful imagery, and perfect emotions relayed. I'd like to see what you've still got going, but even if you don't put it up, this works wonderfully this way. Great job. ^_^
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Very good write here! You appealed to me with the generation talk and seduced me into the sad story of Anna, so sad. Is this based on a true story? I myself am a chatter on Yahoo and sometimes I have to take a step back from that reality and focus on my own reality, it really does such you in and everything does disappear.
For a title change, how about Internet Nation? or how about IRL? or how about Internet Realities or Internet Reality? Unless you plan on incorporating that metaphor of firflies throughout in which case it's a perfect title and don't change it one bit!
Again, wonderful writing here! Look forward to more! Good job!!
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