Matthew's smile (13 steps part 15)

June 1967, Matthew, Tuesday's child, came to the supper table with a big smile on his face. Ever notice how smiles are contagious. Well Papa sit back in his chair, looked straight at Matthew and smiled. And one by one as my brothers entered the dining room, they also smiled. They kind of shrugged their shoulders and ask "OK, what is going on?" But Matthew said "not till Mama gets in here." Papa's smile widened, I wasn't sure why, it was like Papa knew what Matthew was going to tell us. When Mama set the last dish on the table, Matthew said "sit down Mama, I have some news to tell all of you." Well by then Mama had seen his smile. But unlike all of the others, she was not smiling back. There was no head shake, just a puzzled look on Mama's face. I remember seeing her hand go to the table as eased into the chair. Her mouth gaping, about to say something, when Matthew told his news. "Mama, Papa, and all of you squirts" I joined the Air Force today. I leave for basic in three1

weeks. 2

Mama stood slowly with a dazed look on her face and walked to the kitchen without saying a word. Papa said "son I'm proud of you, you know that" and then went to check on Mama. Joey, Stephen and Marcus had a thousand questions they wanted him to answer.3

The next three weeks, flew past. I think mama wept every night. She was proud of Matthew. But it had only  been a little over three years since Toni's death. Even the thought of losing another was more than she could handle.4

When the day came for Matthew to leave on that bus. Mama was there, with a stiff upper lip, and her head raised, she stood proud as she watched Matthew step up into that bus. She would save her tears for behind closed doors. 5

Many a night, I heard Mama crying in their bedroom. Some people wear their emotions on their sleeve, but Mama tried to compose herself in front of people. 6