Tear Drop was dropped on his head when he was born (that's why his head was bigger than his body) and he had always wondered what that soft cheek would feel like. . . Now he was finding out first hand.1
As a water molecule he would spend days swimming around the iris or sliding down mount cornea. But, now it was time for him to leave home, because mayor duct had asked him to come work at Eye's city hall. There, many droplets were formed and sent on special cleaning missions to evacuate waste from Eye. None ever returned, but with intruders like Dust and Salt occasionally a self-sacrifice had to be made to take them out.2
Some years passed and Tear Drop matured and became ready for a field operation. On this particular mission his job was to take the poor girl's sorrow away. For this poor girl's love had just died of ingesting poison and she did not even catch his last words.3
Many had run down that cheek before him and now it was his turn - to try and relieve her sorrow. However, no amount of brave tear drops could take her agony away.4
Author notes
HELP!!!!!!!!
What have I written here? lol. . . What is it? Is it a children's story? A satire? A parody? A tragedy? Garbage? Is it worth anything, or is it too archaic as I have often been told that that is my bad habbit - to write oldly???. . . Whatever the heck that's supposed to mean. . . 
It's a first draft more than less. . . any and all critiques and suggestions are always welcome and appreciated.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
good apostrophe
mayhaps it's a epic tale so short as a teardrop's life and existance, but the first setence had me horrified, how could someone be dropped on their head and be named like that, it's quite a bizzare concept on an apostrophe, thanks!! garbage?? naw, though it is a bit of scattered on the time passage and jumping back and forth which adds to the mystery and witty ending, cheers to that on the brave souls of the eye that wash away sorrorw and dust in the ducts, ohh it's sooo badly asking to be punned
gooday
phil -
Thank you for your comment vertias. I take it you might also be a William Carlos Williams fan. Next to Frost, he is one of my favourites in particular for this poem:
"The Red Wheelbarrow
so much depends
upon
a red wheel
barrow
glazed with rain
water
beside the white
chickens."
(R. S. Gwynn, Literature: A Pocket Anthology)
Now how about that for personification?
I'm still not really sure what this is. . . I suppose it could be a short story. . . Emphasis on the short - that tends to be my nature. . . A short story is short. If I end up writing a long short story, it usually starts to transform into a novel. It's very difficult to say how long a short story should be. . . I've seen one's that are barely a page and others that are 50-60 pages. So what are the requirements for a short story? -
i think it's very sad. i fail to see the nonexistent humor. this story is personification of a tear drop. I think it's brilliant. i like reading several short passages this size just as much as reading a full short story.
-
Lol. So cute.
-
Ah gee thanks Sandygram. . . You are a real sweetheart. Glad to have made your day an untearful one
-
Let Laughter Rule The World
Well I for one was laughing all the way through. Put this one on the gigglin group reading list, they will love it . I made an attemt to write a few children poems this week but they were for the toddlers. This is a great one for the older kids. How did you ever think of it. Sooooooooo clever. From the title I thought it was a sad love poem, then I read about him being dropped on his head. That did it I cracked up. Thanks for cheering up my day. You are great at writing poetry. I've got so much to learn. Take care and thanks for the
's, Sandy
Edited on Aug 25, 10:28 because ''.
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
